How to stop feeling jealous/insecure in a relationship?

Question

How can I stop feeling so jealous and insecure every time my boyfriend even mentions another girl or says they’re good looking? I just feel so threatened by any other vaguely good looking girl and just feel like he’s gonna find someone better every time he goes out anywhere. How do I stop these toxic thoughts?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Best way to bury insecurities is to value yourself worth and realize you are a beautiful person , If your boyfriend cheats or leaves you for someone else then that is something he has to live with knowing he was a piece of shit , His own insecurities lead him to do that , not you , as long as you are respecting him and valuing him and making him feel wanted then he should be doing the same for you. Everyone has some type of insecurity, whether they say they do or not , if they say they don’t they are talking out their ass So the only way to be happy in a relationship is to bury those insecurities and value and love yourself and respect your partner like they should be respecting you , If your boyfriend loves and respects you, he wouldn’t really be telling you about these other attractive girls to make you feel jealous , by him telling you about other attractive girls is his insecurities , his way of trying to make you jealous and it’s very disrespectful , so by him doing that just shows what kind of person he really is , especially if you aren’t doing that to him , there should be no reason he is throwing other girls in your face , if you aren’t throwing other guys in his face. when someone truly loves and values someone they respect their partner and make them feel loved and valued and wanted , There will always be someone more attractive then us on the outside but not more attractive then us in the inside, We can’t force someone to not cheat on us , We can only guide someone to stand by us , if they choose to walk away , let them go and realize you deserve someone that doesn’t want to leave your side no matter what. Tell your boyfriend it hurts your feelings that he talks about other girls , tell him how would he feel if you were talking about other guys? If he doesn’t stop talking about other girls then you have every right to dump his ass and find someone that respects you , Never settle for someone that disrespects you.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Okay when you're in a relationship it's 50/50 all you can do is your 50% that's it if he's going to do something he's going to do something we all think about this are we all have thought about this before. And if you think about it why are you worrying about it right now because there's nothing that you would be able to do until you find out. And if you guys do something well he just prove to you who you was it's kind of a blessing because then you can walk away you can't worry about something that hasn't happened because that will change the
p a t h that you're on. You love him and you know how that feels do you get that same feeling from him. You cannot make anybody love you and you don't even want to try because if it's not coming from him because he wants it to come from in then it's not real you need to find your confidence he's with you nobody else when dating somebody there's a beautiful Edge that we're all on did we love to feel and if you lose that edge I thinking the way that you're thinking it's a downer and soon he will be able to feel it coming from you. So clear your mind clear your heart give your 50% do your part that's all you can really do you have to trust the guy and be done with it if he does something he doesn't then you have to move on I don't think about something that hasn't happened there's nothing you can do about any of it until it does happen if ever it happens.. so I say stop it right now LOL smile be confident you're beautiful he wants you he's with you enjoy that

Lex_2101 · Accepted Answer

I personally struggled with this too. I'm sure a lot do, and honestly. I can't say i have really overcome feeling jealous of others.
I have always felt unwanted, and the fear of being hurt.. or my partner looking at others, which just made that worse. So we talked about it.

He gave me the reassurance i needed in the moment. And i felt better for a short time, and it would eventually creep it's way back.
I have since, decided to take a step back and have a break from relationships.. . It absolutely sucks. Especially having someone to go too, and then being alone. It is very lonely. But it has helped me, in bettering myself. I never wanted to burden my partner with my problems, or drama. But as an emotional person.. it's hard to feel secure. And know that things are ok.

I'm only 20, with minimal experience. so maybe don't take my advice, someone with more knowledge may help you more.
But i would 100% would recommend, stepping back and finding yourself. And learning to appreciate you, love you, and know your worth.
It's so easy to compare ourselves to others. We see every flaw... And it will take time. I am only 2 months into my journey. Some days are great, and some are miserable. I also have found that meditating, in the morning always helps me start the day with a positive attitude.

I really do wish you the best. And hope you get through this rough patch. 😊

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Simple you get out of that toxic abusive relationship. A man who loves you loves you. Any man who thinks this is normal is unhealthy. And any woman who tolerates this is foolish. You want to be loved, not be seen as a replacement. Loyalty and respect are how you treat people. Any man who uses that as an excuse is just finding reasons to lust and commitment spiritual adultery towards the woman they claim they love. And it's not fair and right towards a woman like me who doesn't promote that yet is an indirect victim of it. Do you know how many times I see taken men look at me like they're not involved with somebody? It is sickening. They have 0 respect and I wonder why do these women with low self-esteem tolerate this?

caring__1 · Answer

Jealousy has nothing to do with the other person. It is merely a statement about our own insecurities. We don't believe we have what the other is seeking or what we'd like to give them, or we don't believe we can acquire what others have acquired. You either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. You'll never feel better about yourself if you continue to focus on others. Identify what expectations you have of yourself. Are they realistic? If not, get rid of them. If they are realistic and within your control, set up a plan and set off on that path. You can believe in yourself, but it takes action, not just thinking and feeling.

Wester1967 · Answer

You’re feeling insecure because your boyfriend is doing stuff to make you feel insecure.

If I was dating I would NEVER talk about how another woman is attractive. I would wince any time I said anything that might be construed as unnecessarily giving props to some other chick. As for me, I just don’t do those things because I know it makes other people feel insecure.

Your boyfriend obviously doesn’t care, and is testing the boundaries to see what else can be gotten away with.

I’d wait until I he next time he pulls some crazy stuff and then I’d leave. Say thanks, Bye. Go make that girl feel insecure because we’re done with that BS over here.

Slam the door. Lay down the law. Walk TF away and do not look back.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

It's not toxic, its attractive.

Everytime you look flustered because you are worried you will lose him, he ends up feeling like you really love him, like he's valuable.

Or at least thats how I would interprete it if my girlfriend did that.

Granted, I wouldn't want it long term, because it would seem like she doesn't trust me, but in the begining of the relationship, if that worry isn't in her brain, I'm going to feel like she thinks I'm expendable/replacable, so I would end up breaking up with her.

Anonymous · Answer

What worked for me was growing aspects of my life that don’t involve or need to involve him: nurturing friendships and making new ones (even with other attractive men), enjoying hobbies, traveling to new places, experiencing different cultures, learning new things, picking up new skills, etc.

I just made myself so happy that I was constantly reminded that whether or not he decides to leave, I can still be happy and I’m still going to live. If he does choose another woman over me, I will hurt for some time but ultimately be able to build something beautiful with other guys who are right for me.

Anonymous · Answer

Know your worth and know your partner. If you’re feeling this insecure, as though he will find someone better it’s because you don’t think you’re good enough, and you are, you just have to believe it. Knowing your partner comes down to two simple factors: trust and intentions. If he’s going to cheat he’s going to do it no matter what, you can’t stop it. So why stress over the possibility, if you trust him? If he’s a good guy then he has good intentions towards you and won’t betray your trust. If he does then that’s on him and it is not a loss because you do not want someone disloyal. Also, let go of your baggage from the past. Remember he’s not any of the guys who hurt you, so give him the opportunity to be different. Lastly, don’t be naive, meaning to know the difference between when insecure thoughts and actual red flags.

t-8900 · Answer

welp trust is hard today in general because of our culture. You'll just have to accept the fact that being in a relationship means being vulnerable and prone to get hurt. It's not easy and I can't claim I'm fully capable about it right now. But the power dynamic shifts in the woman's favor if and when she can lock the man down. Then he's basically screwed lol.

Jlegacy · Answer

1. Work on finding your power or confidence fountain. Until you do, you would feel inadequate or not enough.
2. Work on your trust issues. Know that there are a lot of untrustworthy goodlooking people in this world. So figure out how you can give your heart away with no regrets later.

Azura_88 · Answer

BEING FRANK, jealousy or insecurity is not up to you. It's not your fault. You just want a loving and stable relationship.
It's your partner's responsibility to NOT do anything to make you jealous or insecure.

Bgrose11 · Answer

I would feel that way either - and I do not even have low self esteem :) in my opinion he should respect you more than that. If it’s bothering you - say it - and if he changes - great! If he doesn’t care - well... I couldn’t live with a guy like that.
Fins stuff to do, learn new things, keep your mind occupied and evolve as a human being. He’s probably not worth your time.

maggie_c · Answer

Focus on yourself. Love yourself. Think about where this insecurity about your partner is coming from. And please don't dwell on these thoughts. Otherwise, all your actions will then lead to what you fear.

Anonymous · Answer

listen i been with the person i love for almost 4 years now. what does that tell you? they cheated so many times and for years but i still stood by them. they almost died and i still stood by them. they battled mental health issues and i still stood by them. they battled addiction and i still stood by them. think about that long and hard.

Hangry06 · Answer

Get even with him so that you lose your right to think that. If he mentions some girl, you mention some guy. You then lose your chance to complain 🧚‍♀️

G5TWA1 · Answer

you need to be more confident about yourself, why would you think he's gonna find someone better than you? who the fuck is better than you?

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

You need therapy and to stop trying to date knowing you are mentally disturbed. Doesn't make sense to drag men through your drama. Once you get dumped several times you'll get the hint that no one is going to keep dating some insecure broad

slackbabbath · Answer

Why is he telling you he finds other girls good looking?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

After you have driven away 20 men you will learn to suppress these thoughts.

Parad0xlol · Answer

Why don't you try to match what he does and see how it affects him?

In_Trance · Answer

the reason you feel that way is because you don't believe you're good enough

noohair · Answer

You are needy and that is a turn off.

Sketti2021 · Answer

Trust  Trust  Trust

jimmy2 · Answer

You 2 hot to build trust together

Anonymous · Answer

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