Relationships

How can I stop being so jealous and insecure?

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for more than 2 years. Before we got together when I had a crush on him, he kind of was a bit mean to me. He said that I should lose weight and that I was fat and that I ate too much etc. This continued when we eventually got together. He has been telling me so mean things. Sending me pictures of unrealistic bodies and saying that he likes that and that I should look like that. He told me my bestie are hotter than me and that many girls were hotter than me. He went to his home country over the summer and we didn’t meet for 2 months he told me to lose weight and I did. I lost 11 kg and developed an eating disorder. He’s behavior are so insensitive towards me and it would take too much space to say everything he’s done but you get the idea. He has changed, but I can’t trust him or believe it when he tells me I am the most important to him etc because of everything he’s done. I can’t even believe it when he tells me I’m pretty. This has led to me becoming so extremely jealous and get angry over the smalles things but I can’t stop it. When I see something I don’t like my heart just aces so much I just scream at him and feel so useless, ugly and fat. I am so conscious about his female friends because 1. he has told me his former friends were hotter 2. one time his friend asked him to be her boyfriend and he said no, didn’t tell me about it for 6 months and continued to be her friend. He has done so many things that I can’t forget and this has turned me into a monster. I am literally so insecure like I can’t even describe how insecure I am and we fight like all the time but I can’t let go because I love him. I have developed an eating disorder and depression and i sometimes want to commit suicide. I hate everything about myself. Sometimes I just feel like a fool for being with him because of his behavior but I just can’t seem to let go. Please help me I can’t take this anymore. How can I stop being so jealous and insecure?
How can I stop being so jealous and insecure?
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