Is it true that men are the self sabatogers of relationships? Do you feel men like the idea of a relationship but not the reality?

[Smileygirl2000]

Medium magazine-"When men "like the idea of relationships but not the reality," it typically means they crave the benefits of companionship (like intimacy and validation) but are overwhelmed by the everyday efforts required (like compromise, emotional labor, and vulnerability)."




Lola young-messy lyrics

"Cause I'm too messy, and then I'm too fucking clean
You told me, "Get a job", then you ask where the hell I've been
And I'm too perfect 'til I open my big mouth
I want to be me, is that not allowed?
And I'm too clever and then I'm too fucking dumb
You hate it when I cry unless it's that time of the month
And I'm too perfect 'til I show you that I'm not
A thousand people I could be for you and you hate the fucking lot".

Updates

4 d

I thought I could pick 3 mho? @Calyptomaniac comment was top-tier too

[DishLady]

I've SEEN guys sabotage a good thing for no reason -- or rather, for a reason that is unclear to anyone else -- even if the gal in question is perfect for them. Women aren't immune to making the same mistakes, though. Baggage or timing can get in the way.

[Smileygirl2000]

This!! Everytime ... and I will never understand

[DishLady]

Lol. I know. It's ok. They realize too late sometimes.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, many men are their own worst enemies.

Stay tuned for men on here to prove my point 100%. Of course most, if not all, will be anonymous just to prove my point even further.

[Smileygirl2000]

Girl 🤣 they are on edge literally

[Nikki1989]

Yes, they are and thanks for the MHO.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode love drama and expose all the red flags and self-sabotage patterns we pretend not to see 😏

Men aren’t the only self-sabotagers, but a lot of guys absolutely love the fantasy and panic at the reality. They enjoy sex, validation, “having a girl,” but struggle with consistency, vulnerability, and emotional labor.

That Medium quote nails it. Many men were never taught emotional skills, so commitment feels like pressure, not partnership. Instead of admitting fear, they ghost, pick fights, or play victim.

Your Lola Young lyrics scream “I want unconditional love but I’m scared you’ll see the real me and leave.” That’s not just men; that’s humans with unhealed attachment issues.

So no, it’s not “men = bad, women = perfect,” but yes, a lot of guys chase the idea of a relationship and then self-sabotage when it requires growth instead of just vibes.

[Smileygirl2000]

Good one!!

[OlderAndWiser]

It is quite understandable that a woman would view men as the saboteurs in relationships. Guess what men think on that subject. Women kill relationships with drama and fairy tale expectations. And the truth, of course, lies somewhere in between.

[Smileygirl2000]

If men like the idea of relationships but not the reality, wouldn't that make men the ones with the fairy tale expectations?

[OlderAndWiser]

So. . . if at least some men have fairy tale expectations, that means that women DON'T have fairy tale expectations and women are often full of melodrama? That is not logical.

I'm sure you prefer your theory and would rather not consider my theory, but there is truth in both.

[Smileygirl2000]

A woman wanting a monogamous relationship, marriage and a family family doesn't sound like a fairytale. Sounds stable and realistic. What are you referring to as far as fairy tale expectations?

[OlderAndWiser]

Unless you are horribly in denial, you already know about women who have unrealistic expectations.

[Smileygirl2000]

What unrealistic expectations?

[Anonymous]

There is truth in that quote from Medium, but it mischaracterizes the reasons behind it. The "everyday efforts required" is a huge oversimplification. The reality is that relationships today, and especially marriage, are very different than they used to be decades ago. In the past marriage was the "carrot" that motivated men to continue putting in the everyday effort. But today, marriage is no longer nearly as appealing to men because marriage has become very risky and costly for men. The benefits no longer outweigh the risks.

Don't make the mistake of buying into the rhetoric about married men living longer. The studies on which that claim is based are all flawed by two simple facts:

1) To know how long a man will live requires that you wait until he dies, which means the men in those studies are almost all older men who were married (or not) during a time when women and marriage were very different than than they are today. The same studies done done 30 years from now will see very different results.

2) All of those studies group divorced men in the unmarried group. I should not have to explain how badly that skews the results.

[Smileygirl2000]

Women literally risk their lives carrying a baby for 9 months and delivering them. Yet you're worried about money 😆

[Calyptomaniac]

That's undoubtedly true for some, and some seem so paranoid about being cheated on or women losing interest for someone else or whatever else similar thoughts that they almost want it to be true, just so they can confirm their own paranoia about it, to the point that it becomes self-fulfilling, as if they'd rather be right than have someone prove them wrong and it just eventually manifests itself. It's not all of them, but it's more than a few of them.

[Smileygirl2000]

💯!!! I've noticed a lot do this..

[Kaneki05]

No guys and girls do.
Those lyrics heavily relate to what us guys have to deal with when dating a girl but you point out this happens to men and well now your sexist somehow cause it's the guys who are always in the wrong and the ones who can't stand up to her demands though if a guy does it rightfully gets pointed out as abusive.

[Smileygirl2000]

@Kaneki05 those lyrics have to do with what guys have to deal with lol. So you want her to have a job and then ask her where the hell she's been? OK lol

[Smileygirl2000]

Those lyrics were written by a woman about how confusing men can be.

[Kaneki05]

Thanks for proving my point.

[Smileygirl2000]

@Kaneki05 you proved my point lol 😆 😂 are you not understanding the lyrics was written by a woman about how confusing men are?

[Kaneki05]

You lack understanding both guys and girls can face the same experience and abuse. Girls have been the exact same way as those lyrics go to me.

[Smileygirl2000]

@Kaneki05 you lack understanding. I merely asked a question and posted a quote from a magazine yet you went crazy. Lol it's called discussion

[Kaneki05]

Again thanks for proving me right.

[Smileygirl2000]

Grow up

[confident666]

yeah, both can be wrong

[OneViewpoint]

Nah, women are just as bad about sabotaging relationships.

• Monkey branching to better options.
• Friend Zoning guys into a waiting room.
• Refusing to commit because she just swiped right on Chad or Tyrone.
• General insecurity and indecision... I just don't know if he's the one.

Insecurity and indecision isn't a gender thing. It a human thing.

[Smileygirl2000]

@onviewpoint we get approached by men regularly. Are we supposed to give every man that cross our paths a chance just because they've approached us? Lol 😆

[OneViewpoint]

Well are guys supposed to commit to every woman they cross paths with? Why? Maybe he doesn't like what he's seen after 6 months. Maybe he's been approached by other women. Maybe he likes you but not enough to give up his freedom forever. Maybe he's career focused at the moment and working on building an economic foundation for the rest of his life. Maybe he's fresh off a disastrous relationship and not willing to reinvest at the moment. Do you really believe guys don't have options or self respect?

[Smileygirl2000]

@OneViewpoint no lol 😆 obviously but you're making it seek like women should give every man a chance. That's ridiculous. Well finish building and then approach a woman. She's not obligated to wait around until you're a finished project.

[OneViewpoint]

No, of course not. But that particular guy doesn't care if you wait around. He'll achieve what he wants and then look for a long term relationship at 35. And he'll probably end up with a woman 25-30. You need to let it go and move on. He didn't choose you.

And it's just as ridiculous to assert that every guy should commit to every woman he meets. Neither party is obligated to oblige anyone else's agenda and timeline. That may not be convenient for you or what you want to hear but, that's reality. Women can reject men and men can reject women. For any reason. For no reason.

Finding someone is hard. Women aren't stupid. Neither are men.

[Smileygirl2000]

@OneViewpoint so where is your 25-30 year old then? Lol

[OneViewpoint]

@Smileygirl2000

I've been there and done that. Married, kids, divorced at 50. I've dated 25, 27, 28, 33, 35, 45, 47 and 50 year old women recently. I get hit on all the time by women when I'm out. I get women buying me drinks. I get younger women asking women I know to introduce them to me. I get married women hitting on me.

Where's my relationship, the one? I'm not looking for that. I'm perfectly happy with my freedom at the moment. I can do whatever I want, with whomever I want, whenever I want. I date casually and I'm up front about that. No promises. Just hanging out and having fun. Could I stumble across "the one" and be blown away? Sure, that's possible. But it's not my default mindset.

I'm at the other end of the dating spectrum. I'm enjoying meeting a lot of women but maintaining my freedom. No one asking where I was last night. No one checking in on me. No people flooding my phone with texts daily. No obligation to show up somewhere I don't want to be. No one to stop me from going backpacking for a week or skiing.

[Chiffon]

mY WIFE AND THREE OF HER FRIENDS WERE IN THE KITCHEN DRINKING WINE AND ENJOYING THEMSELVES. i WAS IN A ROOM RIGHT BELOW THEM AND i CLEARLY HEARS JUST HOW WOMEN THINK./ THEY SPOKE OF HAVING SIDE MEN JUST IN CASE (sorry for the caps) Two of her fgriends admitted to cheating "OH! It's so easy! Men are stupid." MEN aren't stupid they are committed to the marriage and don't believe their wives would DISRESPECT them. Not saying men are saints because they are not.

[OneViewpoint]

@Chiffon ,

So we have a guy on a confirmed fake pink account here. Thanks for outing yourself dude.

Pro Tip... Next time post this sort or response trashing women on your blue account.

[CherryLove007]

Yes and that one tick turd man just proved it to me.

[exitseven]

Relationships are awkward and painful. Getting two separate lives with different goals and aspirations to somehow coexist is difficult

[RavVid]

The other side of the coin is women are too demanding and are argumentative.

Eventually you get over it.

[Smileygirl2000]

@RavVid communication / vulnerability isn't an argument

[Anonymous]

Yeah men fucking suck for women. Yeah, women had their problems in the past, but because of the internet women have developed more empathy and understanding for men.

[slatyb]

No, either partner or both can sabotage a relationship. Read "Attached" to see how people do it.

[AgentG111]

I'd say either men or women can ruin it or self sabotage if that's what's in their head to do.

[AngryCarl3]

I don't think self-sabotage is gender-specific.

[LC75LC71]

Nah that's a woman thing. Too emotional for your own good.

[Jamie05rhs]

They don't want a relationship, period. They just want sex.

[confident666]

Some want a relationship

[Jamie05rhs]

@confident666 Why do you say that?

[Anonymous]

I never actually had a relationship, so nothing for me to "sabotage".

[Anonymous]

Never a truer word said or written.

[In_Trance]

Sometimes it's men, sometimes it's women

[jahaims]

No way you are this stupid lol