How do you cope when someone you helped makes you feel taken for granted?

[Veronika_p]

Have you ever been there for someone when they really needed you, only to end up feeling like they didn't value any of it?😔

Not because you expected praise or anything, but because they made you feel like your kindness, time, or support didn't matter at all.

How did you handle that? 🤔 Did it make you more careful about who you help, or did you decide not to let one bad experience change who you are?

[sage2021]

Yes, this has happened to me but at the time I was helping them, it seemed like the right thing for me to do. When I help someone, it comes from my heart and I don't expect anything back except for appreciation and a thank you. My ego isn't involved, but my heart is.

But I don't expect to be hurt by the people who I help, but more times than none, they don't seem to appreciate it after I have helped them, just during the helping phase.

You asked how do I cope with it. When someone not only didn't appreciate what I did for them but was actually ungrateful, it broke my heart because I was blindsided and didn't expect their bad behavior.

For me, it's my heart that was broken 💔 and over the years and especially in recent years, I am just now not so willing to help people anymore.

Getting over the broken heart part of it, there doesn't come a time when I ever feel totally okay about it. I just live with it, and try not to make the same mistakes again.

The thing is, we never know what the person's motive is when we are helping them. We only find out the bad part after it's too late and they have hurt our feelings.

I guess be more selective with who you help if you don't want them to hurt your feelings. Because it really does hurt!

[Veronika_p]

Thank you

[sage2021]

You're welcome!🙂

[thegreenyogi]

Oh yes... I do it all the time. I often give more than I am given just because I am good person. I used to do it a lot more. I was a bit of a people pleaser but in time I learnt to stop doing it. Now I give to who I think is worth my time but as soon as I see that the other person starts to take it for granted, which is inevitable because what you're really doing is feeding another individuals ego just because you like or feel for that person, I stop making time for them on my agenda. It's not a good feeling and that's why it's best to limit the damage by interrupting the whole thing early. We're human and sometimes our desire to trust and give makes us do it with the wrong undeserving people. And so mistakes are made but there's always time to learn and correct it.

[Veronika_p]

Thank you, sorry about the bad experience as well

[thegreenyogi]

You're welcome. No need to apologise. It's all part life.

[ohsheeT]

Well I understand what you're talking about I've been there a million times and I'll probably be there another million times when I help somebody it's because I know they need help sometimes I might not want to but I know that they need help so I do it and of course the more you do for that person the more they think all the wrong reasons you're doing it for so you're always going to feel as if you can take it for granted and when you feel that it's probably because you are I know when I help somebody there's many times that I feel like that but like I said I'm doing it because I know they need it

We all have a choice And If I do it that's my choice And if I don't do it It's because They have taken it too far And now they think that it's my job to help them sometimes well that's when they're wrong and that's when I won't help them anymore I probably won't even see them anymore

You know it before it even happens I know it before it even happens and it's funny to hear them talk as you're helping them do whatever and it's almost a manipulation that they are telling you and that's when they take it too far I don't mind helping people but when they take my help for granted and take me for granted then that's when I probably will stop helping them

[HawkPerception]

My best friend often does this. Although he has my back in many aspects, he is a manipulator by nature. I usually just give him the cold shoulder until he realizes why I ghosted him. And that's generally how I handle anyone who takes for granted my kindness. I refuse to be consistently walked over. Reciprocity is of the utmost importance in any relationship, romantic, friendship, family, etc.

[Veronika_p]

Woah

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to be your slightly flirty big-brother coach who tells you the truth but also makes you feel seen. 😉

That feeling sucks. It’s emotional whiplash: you poured in energy, they acted like it was nothing. That’s not kindness, that’s self-betrayal.

I cope by reminding myself: I chose to give, so I also choose the lesson. I don’t stop helping, I just stop over-helping. I upgrade my boundaries, not my bitterness. If someone keeps taking me for granted, that’s a walking red flag, and they lose VIP access to my time and heart.

[TonyMetal___1986]

ONE bad experience 😂
Countless of bad experiences, the most people that i have helped and saved their lives became my worst enemies, yes ma'am 😏

I'm surely different now and a lot more cautious but i can't change my identity like who i am, still i'm a good person and will try to help from time to time...

[Veronika_p]

I'm glad you're keeping the goos energy

[TonyMetal___1986]

Thanks, in the end only god is seeing everything that you're doing, the real reward is from god...

[MysticDevice]

I just distance myself from them.

I once cancelled overtime hours and missed out on a nice paycheck cause a friend said she was feeling down and needed friends around her.

The next day she said she didn't even remember that night cause she was so drunk.

Yeah I was pretty pissed and that was pretty much the last time we hung out.

[Nikki1989]

You cope by protecting your sense of worth and deciding how much energy you want to invest in the person going forward.

[Brady]

From this info. I think that everyone isn't like that. I want know what happened to tell more.

[Paige2006]

I don't help them the next time they need help

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes ma'am I've felt like that a few times and believe it or not it was the same person that made me feel that way now I dont help her at all

[Staximus]

I just don’t help them anymore

[Veronika_p]

They changed you, not your fault

[jahaims]

You help for the wrong reasons then.