How to handle disrespectful friends who repeatedly take you for granted?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed two of my friends seem not to respect me. Tina, verbally abused me out of the blue, tonight, in her grief over her dying cat, when I didn’t know what to say; and Noelle attacked me for misinterpreting a social situation, implying that I was stupid, last night; after having already blamed me for her boredom at past social events. I’ve been good and kind to both of them and been there unconditionally.

Updates

1 y

I used to be a people pleaser, because of my subconscious fears of abandonment from a mild case of dependant personality disorder. I’m still very kind, but not a people pleaser anymore.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Let them go it’ll only get worse. It’s time to look out for yourself what brings you peace and sanity. I had three former friends like that. Two of five years another 12. I cut all of them off with a quickness. The one of 12yrs escalated to putting herself in front of guys interested in me and she was mad they never liked her and her verbal abuse towards me got worse. The other two were catty towards me. Somewhere along the way I guess they felt I didn’t mesh with them. One victim shamed me for confiding in her after being sexually harassed at my job. I was shocked as someone who’s been sexually assaulted. I didn’t know what to say or tell the supervisor. She got really angry that I put this attention on myself. I simply didn’t speak to her again.
You have to let people like that go so you can shine more brightly. Sounds like they’ve lost out on a loyal friend. It might be difficult but you will find new friends and better friends that match you when the time comes. Friends like you described you only feel more alone so you have nothing to lose by simply removing yourself.

[naartjie]

I was this friend for 5 years. Let this one girl walk all over me. She was a horrible person and an even worse friend. She had this thing of every 3-5 months she’d ghost me and try make other friends only to come back crying saying she couldn’t make new friends and I can tell you right now, no one would’ve put effort in like I did.
Well the last time she did this, she came like I expected and i sent her a long ass paragraph telling her to stop reaching out to me, I have her a piece of my mind. She had absolutely nothing bad to say about me because I was an amazing friend.
I’d always been too scared to do this but it is needed! Have a backbone for yourself, respect yourself and don’t give people chance after change to do the same things that show you what person they truly are.
I’m much happier since calling them out and cutting them off. I never blocked the person, just watched her lose it 😅

[GreenLanternI0I]

I've experienced exactly what you are experiencing right now. What I did, I gained enough courage to cut ALL of my so called ""Friends"" out of my life, Cold Turkey Style. It was The Hardest and The Best decision of my entire life. Everything improved after I dumped all of my toxic bricks off my shoulders. I suggest you to do exactly the same thing. Until then, you be in their poisonous claws and you will be continuously stomped and spit at, because for them it is not just fun, but this is how they feel empowered by taking full advantage of people like you and me. One more thing, people don't change, so you better take the thought of changing your ""friends"" by speaking to them about them stopping treating you like this out of your head. It won't happen, in fac, t it will have an opposite effect, it will amplify their abuse towards you.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I would forgive a grief stricken outburst from a friend, because I know my friends would do the same for me!

My friends and I always take each other for granted, but it's a two way street. In that we KNOW when one of us are needed, the others will be there.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for selecting my answer as most helpful.

[FreyaRed]

They sense more or less subconsciously your fear of being abandoned, that's why they treat you like someone without dignity. I think you're smart enough to figure out what has to change in your behavior. Changing friends is pointless because other people will act in same way if they sense your weak spot. We are just animals everything else is decorum

[JacobJordan]

You are asking the wrong question. It should read "how do I remove this toxic parasite from my life" to which the answer is you stop talking to them, stop responding, don't spend time with them, find new friends people that are actually friends etc

[Jkgordon]

Cut your enemies off without notice these are not friends you can find things to do alone until you meet decent people don’t be afraid of them either

if they get cute tell law enforcement get order protection but DON’T ALLOW THEM TO DISRESPECT STARTING NOW!!! BLOCK & DELETE THEM NOW👁

[Pinay_ako]

Cut them off. They’re not friends. Love yourself to walk away from these toxic people. Life is too short to take yourself for granted. Walk away NOW.

[Account]

Why would you still be friends with them? I would much rather be alone, rather than have such people around me.

[Lliam]

Put distance between them. Stop associating with them. If they contact you, be coldly polite, but don't put yourself out.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then it's time to step on the head of the snakes, they don't seem to value you as a friend so there's no reason for you to stick around.

[I_am_a_human]

Tell them how you feel. Then, you will have a clearer idea of what to do next. If they say you are over reacting and/or stonewall you, I suggest you end the 'friendship', work on yourself, then make new friends...

[ProbablyClueless]

All you can do is point out the abuse, ask them to stop, and put distance in the relationship if they don't stop.

[WhitneySnow]

You shouldn’t stay friends with these people

[Jackblue]

You maybe need to cut Noelle off at least if she does this again. I think you should cut Tina a little slack.

[Antheadragoon96]

I cut them off, block them and act like they don’t exist. I don’t have the energy to worry about people who treat me like shit

[Booklover_90]

Those people are not your friends.

[Anonymous]

Simple. Get rid of them.

[noohair]

They are not friends. You just know them.

[RavVid]

Get new friends

[slatyb]

Try saying no.

[laly520]

cut em off