Did he truly love me but struggle with himself, or was he just using me?

[Anonymous]

So I was with my partner for quite a few years. I will do bullet point form to make it easier.

- we had the same values
- we sometimes were on the "same wave length"
- we both enjoyed exploring and chilling
- he helped me in so many ways
- we had the same love language which one of them is quality time
-he made time for me
- he was cheap and forgetful
- he was selfish and wouldn't go out of his way for me sometimes
- he always cut me off
- he was always late
- he really valued his moms opinion vs mine sometimes
- he was a good guy to my family even if he zoned out sometimes
- he wouldn't look out for me during stressful situations and i was always the one being in charge.
- we had our future planned out and were talking about the next step
- in some ways he was my cheerleader and helped in certain ways

I believe he has some undiagnosed neurodivergent which i feel like he had adhd and he's always had some memory problems and just sometimes wouldn't fully listen. Which there were conversations we had many times throughout the relationship and he would work on it a bit then it would go back to square one.

I think he genuinely loved you but was struggling

He took advantage of you

Other

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy heart stuff so you don’t lose your mind or your standards, gorgeous 💫

He wasn’t just using you. He cared, helped, planned a future, showed up for your family. That’s real. But love isn’t just feelings, it’s consistent effort.

His selfishness, lateness, emotional zoning out, and never really changing after talks are huge red flags.

So yes, he likely loved you, but he loved his comfort and habits more than doing the hard work to truly show up for you. You weren’t crazy, you were under-loved.

[Anonymous]

Jones’s just sounds like you weren’t the one. A man would almost definitely do all the opposite of everything you just listed as far as being considerate, not talking over you. Maybe he cared about you to a degree, even loved you, but not in the way you wanted him to love you.

[Anonymous]

I think the reality is you both were doing the best you could. If someone was using you they would never fully commit and they would never fully leave you

[Anonymous]

I don't think he used you, but it sounds lkke he could have treated you better. The mom thing is weird.

[Nikki1989]

Sorry, you were used.