Guys, Would you leave your wife just bc she's going through menopause -- or would you try counseling?

[DishLady]

I was being chatted up by a guy who left his wife of 30+ years bc of menopause.

I suppose things were said... but they have three great kids together. he supports all of them...

According to him, he had to leave her bc she was crazy... and according to her, she wanted him to leave bc she was so bored, bc life was too short, blah blah blah.

Personally I can't see how a marriage that lasts 30+ years would suddenly just fall apart bc of menopause. Why not try counseling?

He told me they were high school sweethearts... that she was the love of his life... and he was hers... but that doesn't add up since he was sitting in front of me chugging J&Cs like they were shots.

Yes I'd leave her.

No, I would at least try counseling first bc I know this is a temporary thing for her.

Updates

1 mo

Just asked the complimentary question to the Gals: Girls, would you leave your long-term (30+ year relationship) just bc you're feeling bored? ↗

[Finchie40]

Same thing happened to me when my ex hit perimenopause/ menopause , but the only difference is I didn’t want to leave , she did , so I really had no choice , I stood by her side as much as possible trying to be there for her , but all she did was hurt me verbally by saying vicious things to me on a regularbasis , she stopped sleeping in bed with me and started to exclude me in everything , like I was no longer important to her , it got so bad to the point I started making excuses for her behavior, thinking it was her menopause that was causing her to be this way. So I eventually stopped trying and kept my distance from her as much as possible , hoping she would come to me event, but she didn’t, she chose her girlfriend over me that was going through menopause as well , so I had to deal with 2 crazy bitches at once and i eventually threw in the towel and said Fuck this. The 2 of them would go on vacations together and my wife didn’t give 2 shits about my feelings whatsoever, I knew I couldn’t force her to love me or stay faithful to me so I started focusing on myself and realized I deserve way better than this shit. I told her multiple times to go see a doctor but all she did was attack me verbally , she also suffers ptsd anxiety and depression , so this was too much for me to handle , but I stayed thinking things would get better but my final straw was when she had me arrested for something she started when I was sound asleep in bed , she came into my room and attacked me over food , I jumped out of bed startled and said WTF is your problem , she was on the phone with her girlfriend and they were threatening to call the cops on me , I said for what? I didn’t punch her , she attacked me first , so I yelled at her friend and said do not call the cops I have to be at work early in the morning and I didn’t do anything I am going to bed, so I walked away and she followed me , still threatening to call the cops on me and saying vicious things to me , I then grabbed the phone out of her hands and threw it against the wall and told her to get the fuck out of my room , I was so hurt and devastated that she was treating me this way when I did nothing wrong , so I went to bed and all of a sudden cops come into my room and put me in handcuffs , I told the cops they are arresting the wrong person , they said she has a little cut on her wrist so we have to take you in, I said she probably cut herself on purpose that crazy bitch !! I didn’t punch her or touch her in anyway , i said look at me do you think she would be standing if I punched her? I said all I did was grab her phone and threw it when she threatened to call you guys
on me , the cops didn’t give a fuck , so i was put in jail for no reason at all for a night , when i saw the judge finally the next morning , he told me i could not go back to my home that i now have a PFA on me , so i am not allowed to contact her , i ended up staying at friends’ houses and hotels until the court date , during that time i gathered so much shit on her that I was going to use to defend myself , my ex had the cops at our house plenty of times for her being out of control , I even told the cops that when they were arresting me , I said you guys’ been here how many times for her crazy ass and you are arresting me? I said this courts system is so fucked up by favoring girls’ the cops said they are just doing their job , I said shitty job that is. I was so pissed off , when court finally came she dropped all the charges on me but of course the court didn’t , they mandated me to take 24 classes for domestic violence which I do not need , but the judge said if you complete the classes your record will be clear again , so I been taking those classes and I have 10 more to go , but I lost my job because of it and I told my ex to get the fuck out of my home and that she is better off staying with her brother blot somewhere else because you are not staying her , so she packed her things and left and I told her once I sell the house I will give her half and we go our separate ways for good. I never want to experience menopause with a girl ever again in my lifetime , why I am going to find me a younger girl next lol

[HawkPerception]

Just my personal opinion, but if a man leaves his wife just because she's going through menopause, he never actually loved her in the first place, and he has a pathetic character, and a lack of emotional intelligence and empathy.

Just reading that made me angry. He doesn't deserve a woman in his life.

That being said, if there were other reasons for him leaving, like being miserable with her because she put him down all the time, never made an effort to understand him, always refusing to have sex with him, giving up on him on random Tuesdays, etc., then those are justifiable reasons to leave. But just going off what you said, he sounds like a scumbag.

[DishLady]

Who knows?

[ohsheeT]

I think you can fix anything with the human body if you put your mind to it because you are the only person on the inside you fix your emotions you fix your energy when something happens you stop you think about it and you try to control it and I believe that with the right knowledge you can fix it

I don't know anything about it but I believe it's probably a chemical imbalance of some sort and if that's the case then it might be a little bit easier to fix it but I think anything with the human body if you understand it and you want to change or even become healthier you can do it there's ways to do it first of all you have to believe in it and you have to want it so I would not leave I would help her get through it because once we both worked on it it would make our relationship even better tighter too many people nowadays run at the first sign of indifference I don't believe in that

[DishLady]

Fix? Lol. Yeah, I don't think so. It's just something a gal has to power through. There's no way to "fix" one's insides shedding fully and drying up for good as the last of her eggs drops like a mic into a cavernous mosh pit. The only way to stave off the horrible bits is to meditate, exercise and keep busy.

[ohsheeT]

Well im sure your right but it's just like getting old it's just like having arthritis lack of knowledge it's lack of not knowing or searching for the answers arthritis D is dehydration the oils from our body leave with the right knowledge we can fix that with the right knowledge we can stop the look of old age by doing certain things truly believe that we can fix anything if we have the right knowledge and understanding about it I don't care what it is in this world he can be fixed we just have to be smarter than the problem

And I'm sure that there are answers out there but then we hear so many things and it's almost as if people are just trying to make a buck off of something or big Pharma has the answers but they are not going to let us know because they have spent billions and trillions of dollars on everything to get the answers but they won't put the answers out there for any type of cure they put half the Cure out there that keeps you dependent to keep spending money but I guarantee it one day we will have those answers and it will be fixed it's just a matter of time

[ohsheeT]

We have all the best foods water is the most important thing on this planet fasting is another great thing on this planet but some foods are not compatible with other people and are good for some people but not good for the others it's all about knowledge

Well at least for me because I believe that anything in the world can be fixed and I believe that if you work on something you study something long enough it will happen but I'm also one that never gives up on anything because I know it can be fixed it's just how far you want to look into it it's what you believe

[OlderAndWiser]

My first marriage later 17 years. Two years after getting married, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I stayed. She became self centered, quit working, and contributed nothing to the marriage. I stayed. She became addicted to prescription medications. I stayed.


She became violent and refused treatment. I got an injunction against her. She filed for divorce.


She eventually lived with her sister. Her sister died, so my ex married the brother in law. My ex died recently.


Isn’t life strange?

[AviatorTom]

Menopause alone is no reason to end a marriage. Remember the "for better for worse" part of the marriage vows?

[Staximus]

If I was married, I would not leave unless she became abusive or cheated on me. If she wanted to leave, I would say let’s go see a marriage therapist or whatever. It sure as fuck better not be because she wants some sack of shit in a fancy shirt to take her sailing in the Caribbean or on month long trips to Europe. I’d say “Don’t call when when you catch him screwing the maid”

[Staximus]

Too many people can’t see what is or who is good enough when they’re too busy looking for perfection. Chasing perfection is like a dog chasing his tail.

[Staximus]

I meant sailing in the Mediterranean

[DishLady]

I'm just surprised by the claim that the person got bored after 20+ years together. Perhaps just change up the activities or something. To me it's such an extremely childish sentiment, esp when the couple has kids together.

[Jamie05rhs]

That's pretty fuckin' stupid.
EVERY woman has menopause. So, therefore, it is guaranteed to be a part of your marriage. It is baked into the cake.
So the sensible thing to do would be to learn as much as you can about it and talk about it together and develop a strategy for how to handle that phase of your lives when people's hormones change.

[DishLady]

I think 2025 was literally the first time anyone REALLY started talking about it. Before that it was part of urban legend. Like a big ugly yeti in the woods.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DishLady I can't tell if you're serious or joking. 🤔

[DishLady]

Serious af. Now ofc they’ve gone overboard as moronic media moguls do with everything. I can’t flip the TV on without seeing an ad for poop
or menstrual junk, which i certainly don’t want to see in co-ed company. I’m not embarrassed or shy about my body or gender or whatever, but unless we’re going to also see equally gross and private ads about saggy testicles and regulatory meds to help with guys in their second childhood… let’s not make being female such a complete catastrophe. After all, the human race has carried on for quite a while without constantly making State of the Uterus Addresses. Smh.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, wow lol. I didn't realize that. I think my mom told me about menopause when I was a teenager. So I have known about it for years. (Although I will admit that I don't completely understand it entirely. I'm not an expert.)

[Jamie05rhs]

What is a man's "second childhood"?

[Jamie05rhs]

"State Of The Uterus" LOL 😂

[DishLady]

To be fair, a mom SHOULD explain a little to her kids (whether they're boys or girls) bc the women who go through those hot flashes might possibly also experience extreme exhaustion or even faint, so they do have to turn their attention inward for self-care. If the kids are still young (under 25, let's say), they might not understand why their mom suddenly seems a bit distant or forgetful of things. It's the fact that her whole body is recalibrating as the baby-making factory undergoes it's systemic shutdown. There's no "reboot to factory settings" for stuff like that.

While guys don't shed their insides once a month till their last seeds dry up and fall, they psychologically tend to go through a phase where coloring their hair and buying the sports car they can't ever afford seems like the thing to do. They call it "Middle Age Crisis" (though some guys go through it in their 40s instead of their 50s). It's a sort of second childhood bc they get into situations that are a bit on the childish/selfish side, a little less logical and objective, etc.

It's just to say that we're basically all going nuts around the same time.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DishLady Ohh. I see what you're saying.

[molonski2]

It seems a simplistic explanation, and most will say No No No and that's reasonable , but also menopause for some , who refuse to face it , try and do anything about it , can be pretty dam horrible and extremely nasty..

And the line " he didn't love her anyway " nonsense , he put up with plenty of 30 years , and 3 kids , the reason sounds simplistic , but they should celebrate what they had and move on with separate lives.

Life is far too short to sit like a SIMP , and suffer emotional abuse. The easy answer is saying " Ohh I'm so great , we'd stay and go to counseling" well now both have a shot at freedom , it may just be for the best.

When you are 30 , you don't realise how this change of life can affect some women.

[DishLady]

Physically the 2.0-level periods are the worst of it. Hot flashes I actually LOVED bc my whole life my hands and feet ran cold. I didn't have to bundle up as much even though we've had pretty bad winters lately. So... actually it was REALLY NICE for me. And I didn't take any particular pill or potion or anything. BUT I do meditate and exercise a lot so perhaps I'm letting off the nervous energy that makes other women nutty? I don't know. Also, at work I'm required to talk to A LOT of guys, so I'd have to quit my job completely if I was going to give in to freaking hormonal swings. Smh.

I think it's partially weak-minded women who give into it too much then rely on chemical solutions that then make other things happen... perhaps dampening libido to the point they DO think they are bored and need to move on. I can totally see that happening as a result of chemically-induced menopause management plans.

[DishLady]

I don't know that it has anything logical to do with "freedom"... but some women complain about "feling suffocated" during menopause. MOST of us just open windows, but this... leaving... is extreme in my opinion.

[ArrowheadSW]

I am not married but I would hope that if I was in that situation, I'd choose therapy and counseling first. It is usually a temporary thing and things can be worked out.

I am remembering how a friend of mine had to "weather that storm". He married a lady about 8 years older than him and she started that a few years after they got married. I was over there for lunch one Saturday afternoon, and in a joking manner I said something slightly politically incorrect. She picked up a hamburger spatula and waved it towards the door and told me to "GET OUT" because she wouldn't allow such talk in her house. At first I thought she was kidding and I laughed, but then I thought that maybe I was supposed to leave? My friend just looked at his plate and ate his lunch. Anyway, she simmered down. After a few years she was done with that.

[worldscolide]

There is no way in hell I'd leave. I'd get her counseling, I'd get her medical help, but there is no way in this world I would leave, unless she turned so violent that I feared for my life.

[DishLady]

in my opinion that's where both of you would go -- not bc you need counseling, but bc you need to follow along with what's going on in-session (esp since she's on the spectrum). One of my kids was on the spectrum (I don't know if I mentioned) and we had to have the 1-on-1 session, then the session with me, then the family session. It was... a lot... but together we worked out a successful management plan. I would hazard a guess that you'd have to do that at least once monthly with her.

[worldscolide]

Without giving too much away, she sees a therapist once per month, and I join those sessions every two months, like 4 times per year, if that makes sense. But yeah it was necessary.

In normal every day interaction I'm actually terrified to speak for her, because I don't want to give the impression that I'm doing anything to control her. No joke I've gotten funny looks from people when dealing with medical stuff when someone asks her a question, and she looks at me like what's the answer. It's the same reason I try not to go to her sessions very frequently, cause she uses me as a crutch for communication sometimes, and I don't want to cloud what she has to say to the therapist. So when I do go, I try to listen way more than I talk.

[DishLady]

Yeah, I figured you'd be there for each other like that either way. But a therapist would recommend it as a standard practice as well. (No need to elaborate.)

You're both lucky to be so understanding and willing to work on things together. <3

[Jamie05rhs]

@worldscolide You sound like a really great man and a great husband! God bless you, sir!
I want to be like you.

[worldscolide]

@Jamie05rhs Thanks sir

[FunkyMonkee]

NO!!! Why the fuck would I leave her over something as plebian as that? I promised my heart to her forever!!! Only death will part us, as far as I'm concerned!!

[DishLady]

Perhaps that life phase feels like a sort of death to some women. Who knows? It wasn't my finding, but then again I'm not really with anyone. I heard a similar fear expressed by a guy who had to have his prostate removed... that the terms of their marriage were gone bc he was "no longer a functional man". It sounded nuts, esp since HE was in his 60s and his wife was past her child-bearing years. She talked him out of splitting up, saying that with that logic neither one of them would be considered functional... and he got mad at her for depreciating herself... so she gave him the raised eyebrow and he apparently snapped out of it. They're celebrating their 50th anniv next month. Go figure.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm sure it can.
Yeah, if you're both past the baby factory stage, why would he feel bad about it? A woman I used to work with had to have a hysterectomy and she joked, "They took out the carriage and put in a play pen!"

[DishLady]

I don't know. People are funny sorts of creatures.

[FunkyMonkee]

As Spike Jones used to say, "People Are Stranger Than Anybody".

[Spencer10]

Through sickness and health right? Man up and be there for her.

[exitseven]

I took the whole until death us do part thing pretty literally.

[SamIam96]

Wait... She's crazy and she wants to leave because "life's too short".

Where does menopause come into the picture?

[DishLady]

They both claim that its bc of the menopause "making her crazy." in my opinion there was obviously something else going on.

[SamIam96]

I agree. It seems like something else is happening.

[Joshydavid25]

Nah, then I really would love my wife like Hawkperception said.. Its probably because she started acting different whenever hit menopause in his eyes..

[Anonymous]

When you're in an open relationship like we are, that wouldn't be a problem. If her desire left her for a while, she'd be fine with my having another lover, just like before. No different really.

[Alex-Snow]

Why would a guy want to leave her. It is weird to even think that

[Anonymous]

That would be a stupid reason to leave.

[DishLady]

It seems like a symptom of something bigger.

[Opinion Owner]

If you tough it out for that long and he leaves for that its probably because he is cheating.

[DishLady]

Who knows.

[Iron_Man]

No I wouldn’t leave You if you’re going through menopause,

[AgentG111]

I would take a second job to never be home.

[DishLady]

HAHAHA. I think that's what my ex father in law did.

[AgentG111]

Excellent!

[ThisSiteSux]

Why would I leave a woman I can nut in whenever I want and they won't get pregnant? Are you retarded?

[Nerdvana]

It's going to be a case by case bases. But I would try counseling first.

[Anonymous]

Why would I leave my wife for a completely normal thing?

[soe11]

• Never ever leave her.

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't.