Why Do People Hurt Others Instead of Just Leaving?

Question

Just wondering why is it that when someone no longer wants you in their life, why not just be honest and walk away? Why do some people lie, betray trust, manipulate, or slowly hurt you before leaving? 🤔

Sometimes it feels like the real pain isn’t the ending but rather it’s how it ends.

Is it anger, guilt, fear of honesty, or just a lack of care for the damage left behind? 💔

There’s no simple answer, but I still wonder why kindness and honesty are so hard for some people

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I think you are 100% right I've always asked myself that same question if you're not happy get up and go out the door why do something stupid get caught then blame it on your spouse and then get a divorce all that extra pain is unnecessary

I say that there are cowards
they don't have the confidence within themselves

even though they're acting like a big shot when they are with the person that they're cheating with

but then the truth and when reality kicks in when they get caught and they cry

and they wish they wouldn't have got caught

they got caught because they think that they were smarter than truth.

they got caught because they were doing the wrong thing instead of just leaving

they did the wrong thing and they think nobody will ever find out and that's when it happens I don't care who it is in this world it's just a matter of time until you get caught

You start out as friends you get together and if it doesn't work out you ended as friends you don't destroy the other person

But here's the deal on that in reality they destroy themselves because the person that they cheated on has to look at it like this I did nothing wrong

This is all on you you deal with it you live with it but I'm out of here you didn't screw me over you screwed yourself over and you showed me exactly who you are and I don't want to be with a person like that and they have to walk away with their heads up high

They can sit back and cry and wish that their spouse never cheated on them but they did find the most positive things you can find and move forward it all happens for a reason it's because that person wasn't meant to be with you in the first place

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s never as simple as you want it to be. That’s the problem… somewhere along the way, people will feel led to believe something that wasn’t true. Maybe a woman lied to a man to save face, it happens all the time (so please make sure you don’t do that). And men can do the same thing.

When people are confused and hurt they will seek answers. They need the closure. That’s why a lot of times people seem to go crazy or have this insane outburst. They physically cannot handle bottling up their frustration and hurt anymore. Really, the other person likely did something they didn’t even realize they did, to make the person that way. Like you claim friendship, but you’re not a friend. You want “go out with them” and future-fake them to a point where you enable someone to invest in you, when you weren’t actually serious about it. You told them what they wanted to hear to avoid hurting them.

It’s really quite selfish to do something like that, because you’re keeping them in a string whether you seek to consciously continue to benefit from their attraction to you or not. So yes, when they catch on to you and that you never actually cared for them, it’s far too late for them and they’re likely in a much darker place. This is where things get ugly.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

It's their ego. I ended serious relationships always fair with credible explanation and rational elegance, but this wasn't good enough either. People think they own you and you're addicted to them. Self glorification is part of human nature and it causes a dissonance when they lose their imaginary control over someone, they never had.

Natasha1995 · Accepted Answer

Some people are extremely selfish and are unable to feel empathy.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim here on GAG is to decode messy relationship behavior so your heart doesn’t keep paying the price for other people’s dysfunction. 💋

People hurt instead of leaving because:
They’re cowards about conflict, addicted to validation, or want a “soft landing” while lining up Plan B. So they breadcrumb, lovebomb, then ghost, cheat, or manipulate to make you dump them, avoiding being the “bad guy.”

It’s not a lack of clarity. It’s a lack of emotional maturity and empathy. Your job is to treat that behavior as a blazing red flag, not a reflection of your worth.

HawkPerception · Answer

It's a lack of character and empathy. People are wired a certain way since birth. How they react to every scenario in life is based on their brain's wiring. Your upbringing (environment and peers) do have a significant play in how you end up, but your wiring (nature) is the main factor affecting your decisions in life.

If someone is able to cheat and hurt someone rather than just leave, knowing it's the better decision, it means they're unintelligent and immature, not knowing what they want and being selfish to experiment with others while remaining with them, and they're a genuinely bad person who was willing to risk truly hurting their partner to be with someone else, even momentarily

DishLady · Answer

Bc some folks are vengeful and nasty.

senor_bacon · Answer

Human nature has a tendency towards self interest.

Women have been known to check out of the marriage years before filing divorce.

Now is that leading someone on? Taking advantage of resources? Planning her exit?

Or is it some glint of hope that her behavior will illuminate the husband's perspectives. Like all of a sudden, she's working out and getting her money up, but not having sex with me and not contributing to bills.

Men juggling situationships or a small roster while being married is wild. The wife is fat, or disrespectful, or sexually absent. She wonders where he is every Tuesday, but she suspects something.

For both of them, if one cares and loves, there's a way to go about helping the other improve.

But you know human nature and all that XD cold world 🥶

bear34 · Answer

Men are usually the ones who do this. Women don't cause harm or hurt feelings; it’s men who do. There’s a saying I like: the true nature of men—real, honorable men—reveals itself not when they arrive, but when they leave. They don't hurt the woman; they respect her and move on with their lives.

CaptainSmartass · Answer

Because some people are jerks. Simples...

AgentG111 · Answer

Humans for the most part are complete A holes! Those who can't end a relationship or friendship without doing damage will do that's to all! Some are just programmed to be evil. If they don't get their Way or the other party pushes back or doesn't agree or want what they want or questions them it's seen as a challenge to them and who they believe themselves to be. Basically narcissist.

ericJackson · Answer

Because walking away cleanly requires maturity, honesty, and courage. A lot of people are too selfish to let go of the benefits, or too cowardly to have a tough conversation, so they choose betrayal instead of a clean break.

sage2021 · Answer

Sometimes people hurt the person who they should walk away from, but they want to make it clear that they are leaving and not coming back so they are a big jerk and hurt the other person before leaving.

It's so wrong in so many ways!

Jewelmyth · Answer

Because some people can't accept a breakup; they can't stomach it because they see themselves as superior, or alternatively, they only satisfy their egos through that other person.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I have never understood the mindset behind that. Moving on is the easiest thing in the world to do. I can only assume it stems from having some major insecurities.

SparklingWine10 · Answer

Cause some people only like you for what you can do for them.

NathanDavis · Answer

lack of character

RareBreedOfMan · Answer

I do agree with you, it's better to leave.

SmartAss06 · Answer

They should just leave. Probably people hurt others to make them feel the pain they had to go through

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Cause hurt people hurt people

Dullie · Answer

This is their human weakness or sickness of heart, this is the animal in some of us

jahaims · Answer

That's what they learned growing up

Paige2006 · Answer

They eventually do leave

Stormzy001 · Answer

just the result of inhuman sense of humor

wkhan_87 · Answer

Some people are just rude

askingandreplying · Answer

Sometimes honesty can hurt

PBnJ00 · Answer

Cause they are cake eaters.

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