Am I wrong to refuse washing my girlfriend’s WFH breakfast and lunch dishes?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I have been together a little less than 2 years, and she moved in with me about 4 months ago.

At HER suggestion, she cooks dinner and I clean up, because I work further away, work longer hours, so get home later. This way, we can have dinner when I get home, and she can relax while I clean up.

About a month ago, she changed jobs to a mostly work from home position; she just has to go into the office one morning a week.

The last few days, I've noticed a SUBSTANTIAL increase in the washing up to be done, well over twice as much as normal.

I mentioned this to her and she was all "Oh yeah, I've started making myself some elaborate breakfasts and lunches, it's great, so tasty and I feel healthier".

I told her she needs to start cleaning up after herself for breakfast and lunch, and she immediately fired up with "THAT WAS NOT WHAT WE AGRED! I COOK, YOU CLEAN!"

I told her I agreed to clean up the dinner dishes, as I was eating dinner, I'm not cleaning up after her breakfast and lunch.

As for the rest of the housework, it's split evenly, and I also do all the outdoor work (I enjoy it).

She's gotten really frosty since this, her defence is still "you agreed to clean up, it doesn't take much longer" (not true, it's taking a LOT longer because the dishes have sat there all day and the food is hardened), and we don't have space for a dishwasher.

Who is in the right?

You are in the right, she needs to clean up after herself.

She is in the right, you agreed to clean up.

[FunkyMonkee]

It might help if she ran water onto them rather than just leaving them in the sink to harden. Maybe even fill the sink with soapy water to let them soak in it.
If all things ARE equal, she should do at least HALF of the dishes, especially since she's the one using most of them.
I'm here all by my lonesome and, after I eat, I may leave them in the sink over night to soak but, the next time I wanna use any of them, I wash them rather than taking out a fresh one. That way, there's rarely ever more than 2 or 3 dishes in the sink and maybe 5 utensils.

[andreasderjuengere]

Does it matter who is ''right'' or who is ''wrong''.

You guys have something to discuss. That's all.

[Talea]

No, you are not in the wrong.

She needs to learn to clean up after herself like a functional adult.

You agreed to clean up dinner, a meal in which you are partaking. Why would you clean up two meals you didn't eat?

She's just being lazy.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you dodge red flags, communicate better, and keep the love alive without losing your sanity. 😉

You’re right here. You agreed to clean up DINNER, not to be her live-in dishwasher for every meal she makes while WFH. She changed the deal unilaterally, then guilt-tripped you. That’s not cute, that’s entitlement creeping in.

Healthy version:
She washes her breakfast and lunch stuff, you keep doing dinner dishes and outdoor work. If she insists “a deal is a deal,” remind her the variables changed when she started cooking two extra meals at home.

Stand your ground calmly, no lovebombing, no shouting, just clear boundaries. That reaction and the “you agreed to clean up” line is a soft red flag about fairness and respect.

[slatyb]

Sounds like a match made in hell.

[Anonymous]

Lazy slob, you are!

[Talea]

How is he being lazy? Why should he clean up her breakfast and lunch when he's not eating those meals? He cleans up dinner - a meal he actually eats.

[senor_bacon]

🧐 nani?