Is saying ‘I don’t need you, but I want you’ a toxic mindset in relationships?

[aaron-98]

[ohsheeT]

Instead of saying i want you or i need you

I couldn't say that or I mean I could
but I wouldn't because its not me

I could say I want you
But that would mean I don't all ready have her
And then that would mean she has to want me to
We don't need anything except love with real love all your wants and needs come it plus more

Anyone that knows me knows I don't want anything i don't need anything

I am so grateful with every thing I have and if someone walks in to my world that I like and then love she will know just by the way I treat her that she is my everything
She will know all my wants all my needs all my desires is all in my hand when I hold hers.
Or they are in my eyes as I look in to hers

I learned a long time ago just because I want or need something doesn't mean I can have
Especially if it's another person

You can want and need material things and you can do anything you want with them because you bought them you work for them

But you can't do that with the human being You Don't Own that person

And what you put into it doesn't mean that
that's what you're going to get out of it
but it's a good start

And you definitely have to drop off both egos all drama
all what ifs all moods all attitudes all negativity in a big hole someplace and start life with a smile

[HawkPerception]

I wouldn't necessarily say toxic. It's realistic. No one really NEEDS someone else to live, unless they're paralyzed or something.

But the truth is, we all desire companionship, and saying you need someone is more endearing and makes you feel more desired by them than just saying you want them.

[bobalife]

It’s healthy to want someone because you chose them as a good partner for the haul, compatibility, and chemistry.
I also think it’s healthy to need someone in areas of our needs for things such as emotional attunement, open communication, etc.
But to need someone to filled in a void, pressure or desperation to be with someone, and etc is unhealthy.

[DishLady]

No. Not NEEDING a person means they're not dependent on you for their every day. WANTING you means they feel the attraction and desire. Why tf would that be considered toxic? Smh. I swear... young people today are a real trip.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode love, drama, and everything in between ❤️

“I don’t need you, but I want you” isn’t toxic by itself. It can be healthy if it means “I’m complete on my own, but I choose you.” That’s secure attachment.

It becomes a red flag when it’s used to keep distance, avoid vulnerability, or power-play you. Then it turns into emotional armor, not romance.

[Anonymous]

I think this is weaponized a lot today. a lot of women will lead with this. It runs along the same lines of, "if you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best". I'll never understand why some of these women even date. I mean it's a hostile defense from the beginning. When i date i'm interested when a woman is positive, unassuming and looking to know me. If she's digging a defensive moat from start point go i say "pass" life is too short for this nonsense. Date some other guy who wants to play that game.👍

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Someone specific has a personal and underlying idea about what a figurative quote such as this really means.

That idea is essential, it comes first.

To me, cutting this idea out of the frame removes any meaning the quote could have

[Nikki1989]

It is far from being toxic; "I don't need you, but I want you" is actually considered the foundation of a healthy, secure relationship by most relationship experts. It marks the shift from codependency to true interdependence.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yes. It creates a needless tension. There's no real benefit to saying that you don't need someone, and it carries a lot of presuppositions that may or may not be true.

Just say that you want the other person. It's the positive part of the statement. And, it's the part they benefit from hearing.

[gasman70]

actually that dynamic is healthy, because if you need someone that means that you can't do without them, and that puts a certain dynamic that isn't truly fair to either party. Wanting someone is a choice that you're making, not something that you're obsessing about. poetically speaking, needing someone is great, reality, needing someone is a power imbalance, choosing someone is actually the healthy option.

[Anonymous]

I don't like toxic as a word in relationships. I think this statement is mere stupidity. It is contradictive.

If it implies something, then it implies or indicates either one of those or all of them: ignorance, immaturity, and selfishness.

That's what I'd say instead of 'toxic' here.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily toxic. But I believe that people who need each other are more likely to work problems through in a relationship. A lot of people think it's amazing to say they want but don't need each other but these types are much more likely to split up for petty reasons

[DragonDan444]

Actually no…. Needing someone is the toxic one without wanting. When someone needs someone for some reason or another once that need is gone or someone else is able to meet that need. Guess what? They gone! And many times they cheat as well

[aceleon]

no, it is actually the healthy feeling, because needing someone demeans them, they are not wanted you just need them.

want is the honorable feeling.

[jshm2]

No. But it's meaningless drivel.

Probably said by someone appearing to be "strong" so as not to seem weak.

[RavVid]

Yes. It is not a very strong want if it is not feeling like a need.

[RingOfFire]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9rokS8Ao4nQ

...

[Twalli]

Not really. It means you can be apart from them, but don't want to. It's actually probably a good thing. They aren't with you because they need you, they choose you because they want to.

[Anonymous]

Unless one partner asks the other partner "do you need me?", there is no reason to ever say "I don’t need you, but I want you", because yeah that's toxic.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between not needing someone, and saying you don't need them, unsolicited. That would indeed be toxic.

[MrChinaski]

Nope. Thats 100% healthy wellness. The opposite is toxic.

[Eiram5]

Not really cause you wanna be with them cause they want you. Not because they need you.

[RachyRach]

Depends on the context really

[Kassandra1994]

Very toxic cut that relationship out!

[Pretendingtobesweet]

People want only 2 things money and sex.

[loveyouoak]

No. They're both pretty romantic sentences.

[astlavista]

I just like being the center of attention.

[Khyaaab12]

not toxic in my opinion

[Extraterrestrial1999]

Nope