My husband keeps cheating—why am I catching feelings for another man?

[Anonymous]

For more than 10 years I tolerated it all including secrets and betrayal. After he went overseas secrets start to spill. He been with other women and supposedly have a secret child. All these secrets came out after he went overseas. Now he’s on his way home and he been cheating overseas. His job in law enforcement took a toll on me. I’ve always been loyal and very good hearted. I stayed, prayed, understood, forgiven and much more. His family loves me especially his mother. We agreed to work on starting a family after his return. His career had him gone so much.

now there’s this guy who have 10 kids, all of them grown. His name is Rean. Yes 10 but I’m finding myself gravitating towards him. I miss my husband more and more after each conversation. I decline for him to come see me but we FaceTime each other. We text and talk on the phone. I told him that I’m cautious with him because I’m scared of this leading to sex or etc. He knows my husband and our family very well. I haven’t seen him in person for many years.

I just wish my husband would stop cheating on me. Please don’t be rude to me. For years I’ve been loyal and dedicated to our marriage. I don’t know what I’m doing honestly

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart situations without judging you, gorgeous soul.

You’re not crazy for catching feelings for Rean. That’s not a red flag on you, it’s a symptom of emotional starvation. Your husband’s long-term cheating, lies, and secret child are massive dealbreakers.

You’re bonding with Rean because he’s giving you attention, consistency, and emotional safety. That’s not lovebombing, that’s your heart finally feeling seen. But acting on it physically while still married would drag you into the same cheating cycle you hate.

Press pause on romance. Focus on clarity:
Are you willing to stay with a chronic cheater and risk starting a family with him, knowing his pattern? Or is it time to protect your heart, separate, and heal before letting anyone touch your body or soul again?

Emotional attraction to someone kind is natural after years of betrayal. Just don’t let your pain push you into a rebound. You deserve loyalty, not to be the one doing the ghosting and sneaking. You’re not lost; you’re waking up.

[Asker]

Wow that last line is incredible

[bowenw]

We can't control who we catch feelings for. The heart doesn't care about logic or convenience. The fact that your husband has been unfaithful likely makes you less connected with him and why you have been talking with Rean. It may be time to reevaluate your relationship with your husband and put your happiness first.

[Asker]

Thanks so much! And yes I’m still in love with my husband

[bowenw]

Before you start a family, I suggest you make certain it is what you both want and with each other. Also have some serious discussion about his cheating and ask how he would feel if the tables were turned.

[Asker]

Absolutely! This is so true

[bowenw]

Best of luck to you. Please feel free to DM anytime if you wish.

[Amy10223]

If you are unhappy by the cheating caused by your husband, you shouldn't stay with him. If he has cheated with other women, you can bet he will cheat again. In the meantime, this man with 10 children is also not good for you because, he is married, I assume, and is thinking of having a fling with you. Don't fall for it. That would only complicate matters more if things were to continue.

My advice is to let your husband know that you know about his affairs. It's sad that his family likes you, but they aren't the ones married to you. Make a decision to leave this man, before you have children of your own with him. What makes you think his cheating will stop? Find your self a good man instead, who will be as loyal to you as you are to him. You will feel better about yourself, and overall you will be happier.

[OneViewpoint]

You're hanging on in a marriage with a guy who's been telling you for 10 years he doesn't love or respect you. Ask yourself why you've chosen to accept that existence. Ask yourself what you want from life. Then make it happen. You're running out of time. You don't have kids to worry about... YET! Get out or resign yourself to a lifetime of this treatment.

[FreyaRed]

Starting family with a notorious cheater is like playing ball on a minefield. Don't hear on his mother, she will always manipulate you in accordance of interest of her son. Having grand children is in her interest either and she doesn't care about your wellbeing in this shitty relationship.

However do what you want. I would divorce him and break any contact with his family.

[britishbby]

Honestly if you have confronted him and he's not stopping or listening id suggest leaving him

[Bklynbadboy12]

If he keeps cheating on you leave. What i want to know if he's treating you so bad why are you staying with him?

[Asker]

I’m in love with him

[Bklynbadboy12]

I get that but you have to protect you peace. Can't love him more than you love yourself cause clearly he doesn't care about you he's just using you

[Anonymous]

You tolerated it. That is why it continues.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not an insult, yet he took advantage of your loyalty. Things can’t be unconditional.

[Asker]

Thank you so much this is true

[Opinion Owner]

Since there were no consequences, he had no incentive to stop. It is understandable you are gravitating toward a new man.

[Asker]

After so many years I never felt this way