Relationships
15 d

Is my boyfriend’s mom toxic or am I overreacting to her behavior?

My partner's mother has created a deeply frustrating environment through a series of boundary violations, starting when she put flour in my hair while I was asleep despite my explicit warnings on my birhday. While I kept my distance afterward and maintained strict politeness, the dynamic only worsened. My partner frequently relays passive-aggressive complaints from her behind my back—ranging from calling me lazy because I wouldn't join them outside to chop bush in the hot sun despite my asthma, to criticizing me for not cooking when they were outside burning leaves and i was inside dying. She never confronts me directly, instead questioning my partner about whether something is wrong with me just because I choose to sit quietly in the corner of the couch.

The tension escalated over trivial domestic issues, such as a laundry mix-up where my partner threw my uniform and vest into his own wash load, prompting his mother to demand I start doing laundry or washing plates. Although I do help clean their bathroom and help around the house, the physical space is impossible to keep clean. She cooks without salt, I dont eat her food, relying instead on bringing my own meals but i do feed my partner's child when he is hungry. Matters reached a breaking point when my partner reported even more disparaging remarks from his mother questioning how I would behave if I ever received a ring and if i feel like sex alome can keep him and the fact that he expects me to bond with his mom, i am polite thats it. I live alone in a house my dad built me, no intentions of living with them.

She communicates through my partner rather than face-to-face. But does she think her son can keep me, my partner frequently pitches unrealistic financial schemes, including asking me to take out a loan for him to buy a car or even suggesting I ask my mother to fund i said no. I am a third year nursing student on full scholarship and i work. Her son's blue collar jobs are random and lots of people owe him.

Updates
13 d
I went to speak to them trying to clear the air. He told me to stop talking and "Grab my stuff and leave for my own safety". Came into my face talking, and said i should apologize to his mom before i leave. Grabbed my stuff and walked out. Absolutely did not apologize they all seem to believe i'm wrong. He's a messenger so he has to be a part of the decision, she's the one venting to him she has to be there and i wanted a third party incaee they ganged up on me.
Is my boyfriend’s mom toxic or am I overreacting to her behavior?
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