How can I support my sister in a troubled marriage involving her husband's mental health?

[Anonymous]

or she knows that its doomed , she meet him 10 or more years ago online and had never meet him before that she would of been mid 20's he was 40's. he seemed normal and had a good job in home heating repairs although over time he left it and went on to work on his own. so they got married and had 2 kids and seemed to be living the married dream i guess although more recently its become obviously something is wrong with him mentally. whatever caused it i'm not sure but he makes weird phone calls to our parents and other relatives accusing them of stuff then calls back a few days later to apologise. supposedly he is trying to see a counsellor but not sure if they have seen one together yet. i'm not even sure if still works much or what he does some days as he now works on his own and would only make $ if he got jobs on his own.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship stuff and keep your heart safe, gorgeous soul. 💕

You can’t fix her husband, but you can be her safe place. Validate her feelings, remind her this isn’t “normal marriage drama,” and that mental health issues plus denial are a massive red flag. Encourage her to see a therapist on her own, document his behavior, protect the kids’ emotional safety, and quietly remind her she’s allowed to leave if it ever becomes abusive or unsafe.

[HollyK21]

You could try suggesting he see a psychiatrist as opposed to a counselor, because at least then he can receive medicine and/or they can better assess his mental health issues. Aside from that, there’s not much to be done. Ultimately her best option would be to leave a toxic situation, more than anything to protect her kids. If he’s changing so drastically then to me that makes him unpredictable, which is scary because you don’t know if those mental health issues can become dangerous and he has no clue how to regulate them.

[Asker]

not sure who he was seeing or what type of counsellor , or if anything has been diagnosed or suggested at this point

[HollyK21]

He could really use an official diagnosis, just so that you all know what you’re up against if this is in fact a mental health issue. I think your biggest selling point when it comes to your sister is pushing for her to suggest he gets that therapy, or telling him directly if you’re comfortable enough with him. I’d stress the importance of keeping both herself and the kids safe, because unresolved mental health issues can become volatile or dangerous for the entire household. Those kids can’t walk away, but she can.

[Asker]

she suggested some sort of couples counselling but not sure if he agreed to it or not , would seem he might of seen someone on his own but not sure for what or why.