What do we do about my sister's financial abusive husband?

[Anonymous]

First of all before I continue I will say that I did tell my mom not to get involved but she didn't listen. We come from a immigrant background but the only person born outside of the U. S. was my mother. My mom has always had a heart of gold and has been a great mom, grandma and even mother in law. When my sister and her husband got married they only lasted one year living together. He told my sister he wasn't going to get a second job to support her and my niece. My mom decided for all of us to move in together. She said she wanted to help them. We have continued this way for years now. My sister husband doesn't have good credit so he asked my mom to get him a car and she did as she's done other financial things for them. My mom has also paid for stuff for my nieces if they ever needed anything. I know that the car is not what has caused him to stop paying rent and I know he's been like this since they got married. I have always known that only abuser would act this way. My sister and I come from very hardworking parents so we know when people are lazy. Her husband is was born here and even his dad used to the way he was. I know this because my brother in laws mom who has babysat my nieces has said this before about her own husband. Well my mom bought a house and they now live with us.

Updates

+1 y

After the whole car incident my sister's husband got mad because my mom had to take the car back because he wasn't making payments. He didn't have the proper insurance on the car and my mom's name was on the lease. Well it's been about a year after this and my sister's husband has stopped paying rent. I was wondering if my mom would've made him sign a legal paper about them paying rent would that help. I know that this is a small claims court and I also know that if he wants to he canleavewithem

[Oliverlogan263]

Omg girl that situation with your sister's husband sounds so frustrating and unfair! Here's what I would recommend:

- Your mom definitely should not have gotten involved financially like that, especially without clear agreements upfront. Live and learn I guess.

- At this point though, with him not paying rent for a year, she needs to protect herself. Your sis too if she files for divorce someday.

- Your mom needs to give him a written notice that rent is due by a specific date, sent certified mail so it's documented.

- If he doesn't pay, file in small claims court. Having the written notice will help prove he was notified and wasn't paying.

- Your mom also needs to have a chat with your sis about this not being sustainable long term. She can't let him take advantage forever.

- Suggest your sis start becoming financially independent too in case she ever does leave - a job, her own bank account, etc.

- Maybe also try talking to his mom since she knows what he's really like. A wakeup call from her might help.

Ugh, money problems in families always cause drama. With the law involved hopefully he'll start pulling his weight or face consequences! Hang in there.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response. I know it is very annoying, but he has paid until this car incident thing happened. I really appreciate all your tips and yes that's you have to document everything. I agree and I'm glad to have seen your comment. You're a very wise young person. I wish you all the best your life thanks again.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome! Thanks for the feedback too, I really appreciate you telling me I give wise advice. It's definitely an annoying situation to deal with that guy. I'm glad the rent was usually paid at least until the car thing blew up. Documenting everything from now on is so important, like you said. Your poor mom just wanted to help family, but some people will take advantage if you let them. I'm hoping maybe now your sis will see that guy isn't good for her in the long run. But ultimately it's her decision. Just keep being there for your mom and sis through all of it. You seem like a really caring person for wanting to help them out of this mess. I'm sure with your support they'll get through it. No problem at all for responding - I'm always down to give advice if I can help!

[HelpfulWoman]

unless your sister is going to sort out her life, whats the fucking point? if she's staying and having kids with a deadbeat, she's being a moron and needs to be left to do so.

[Asker]

I agree but my mom is too nice and these are the things that happen.

[HelpfulWoman]

then that's your mother being a fucking moron. so leave them BOTH to be retards

[Anonymous]

Elimination from the gene pool

[Asker]

I wish it was that easy.