Why do former bullies avoid admitting what they did and apologizing?

[Anonymous]

If the apology isn't accepted well then that's another story. Their victim has the right to accept or reject but at least it's brave when someone owns up to their wrongs and isn't pretending nothing ever happened like a coward.

I've noticed this in former bullies:

- They greet you after seeing you years later as if you were a best friend they haven't seen in years

- They act like you don't exist at all and even if you post your school picture, they will talk about themselves and how great the field trips were, ignoring you as the owner of the post, bypassing you, not even acknowledging your name... so all of the suddenly it's like you never attended their school; rewriting history

- They claimed not to remember if you asked them about it

Very few actually own up to it and apologize like a mature person. Why is owning up to it and apologizing so hard for people in general?

[stevenkelly]

A lot of the time, it comes down to shame and self-protection. Admitting what they did means admitting they hurt someone, and that can clash with the way they now see themselves

[Asker]

yeah it's sad many people are selfish and it's only about themselves, their pride, their reputation, their image... instead of doing that right thing.
I find what they do so cowardly. Anyone can pretend it never happen and hide under their ''I've always been good'' mask. That makes them so immature, childish and even unworthy for a relationship. Someone that owns up to their own wrongs actually is bravery to me, takes guts, courage, someone I would be impressed and admire more.

[Anonymous]

I have never known anyone to do this ever and you make it out like it happens to everyone every day.

[Anonymous]

Because they don't want to own up to being wrong.

[Asker]

True. That means they are stuck in their early younger years forever. I find that so immature. I mean, it isn't difficult to simply apologize. At least it would show they've grown up and are adults. I find what they do so immature, as if they're children forever.

[Asker]

That's not a good quality for a relationship.

[scott04sa22]

Forgiveness

[Asker]

It's up to their victim to grant that if they would just apologize and mean it. What if their victim could've forgiven them right there? They lose on that possibility by continuing to hide and rewrite history ike cowards. That defense mechanism they're doing gives the victim more reason to think they haven't changed nor matured.

[scott04sa22]

I wasn't "bullied" too much when I was younger. Everybody "bullied relationship" is different. Im mostly into electronics and tinkering now. I mostly avoid relationships now.