How do I stop thinking I was a second choice?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and i have a one hour time difference as he lives in the uk and i live in germany. He used to have a crush on a mutual friend of ours, which i am fully chill with. The only thing is, he remembered to keep in mind the one hour time difference, and wait to congratulate her happy birthday at 00 for her. This on its own isn't a problem, i did the same thing and she's very important to us. What has me feeling butthurt and everything, is more that he forgot to congratulate me at 00 for me, while we were on call and everything today. It took me saying im going to sleep because i have to get ready early for my birthday tomorrow for him to even remember. I dont know if im overthinking this, but a small part of me still always worries that i was just a second choice, even despite how loving he is and how happy i usually am with him. I know for a fact he loves me, and i know i love him more than anything, and obviously im aware this isn't such a huge deal, but i still tend to worry. Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this a bit?

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy feelings and turn them into clarity and confidence, babe 😏

You’re not a second choice, you’re just a human with a tender heart and a good memory. He romanticized the crush birthday moment, so your brain compares and spirals. Classic overthinking, not a red flag.

Reframe it: crush was fantasy, you’re the reality he’s actually falling in love with. Reality feels “safer,” so people get comfortable and forget symbolic stuff like 00. That’s not lovebombing or ghosting, that’s just… being a slightly clueless boyfriend.

Tell him it low-key hurt, not as an accusation, but as “this made me feel unimportant.” Then remind yourself: his consistent love matters more than one missed midnight text. You’re not the second option; you’re the main storyline, sweetheart 💕

[HollyK21]

Initially I just wanted to address the question itself, but I feel like the title hits on the real issue. While the birthday mishap itself may have just been him losing track of time because he was wrapped up in your conversation, the fact that it makes you feel like a "second choice" means there is a deeper, lingering insecurity about his past crush on your friend. I think we’re already secretly worried about something, our brains will jump at any chance to find "proof" that our worst fear is true.

To stop feeling like a second choice, I feel like you have to separate his past from your present. He is with you, he loves you, and I’d like to think being so comfortable on a call with you that he forgets the clock is actually a sign of intimacy, not neglect. I’d also say it’s worth gently telling him something like, "Hey, when the midnight mark passed, it triggered this old fear in me that I’m just a second choice compared to our friend, even though I know you love me." Word it how you want, but being vulnerable and letting him see that deeper wound allows him to give you the specific reassurance you actually need, which may help you finally put that anxiety to rest.

[Anonymous]

He loves you. Focus on that. Whether he ever liked anyone else is not as important. It is just a matter of what you choose to focus on.

[RedInnocent69]

I wouldn’t worry much. I’m sure he talks to you more than her. Accordingly, wishing you happy anything it’s just less special, but it’s because you already take out more space in his life.