How long should I wait for my long-distance relationship to have an end date?

[Anonymous]

We both love each other very much, and have seen each other 9 times over the course of 8 months for about a week at a time, and I'm about to go see her for the tenth. I have been the one thats done majority of the traveling, but she has helped me with it financially.

We have a very unique thing we bonded very quickly over and both felt very early on that we had finally met the right one, as things just felt... different.

But since the start, I have been the one pressing to try and figure out a way to close the gap and put in a ton of effort to try and be as flexible as I possibly can be to make it work, but she can't seem to make up her mind and is taking much longer than necessary to get her affairs in order to be in a place where she has what she needs to move comfortably.

We love each other very much, but in my opinion she is overly dependent on her parents, as she is 29 and still lives with her dad who is not dependent on her for support in any way. Originally, she said she wanted to move to me, as she doesn't like where she lives, and it also made the most sense.

But over the course of our time together, we have moved the goal post further and further in the wrong direction, to the point that I am now offering to move and get an apartment in her hometown just to be together, but in a place neither of us really wants to live.

She is very sweet, but she has been emotionally unstable and has become complacent in her current living situation with her parents that I am trying to get her out of, and its beginning to take a toll on me between being the one that travels and not having an end in sight to when we will be together.

We both admitted that wed be crushed if we left each other and we do want to make things work, but I feel like I am putting in 90% of the effort and getting very little in return.

That said, she is very affectionate and communicative, and means well, but how much longer should it go on being long distance before something has to give?

[Nikki1989]

An LDR doesn't even have a start date, let alone an end date, even if you do occasionally see each other.

You need a reality check.

[Anonymous]

However long you feel it is still worth saving

[Staximus]

Find a woman that you can drive and see within an hour and stop setting yourself up for disappointment

[Asker]

While you're right about the "setting myself up for disappointment" part in this particular scenario, I hear this point a lot about Ldr's, but i feel like it completely contradicts the idea that people are individually unique as partners, and that instead we are all just replaceable assets. What if there's no one you're truly compatible with within an hour? What if after 1000 relationships, you finally meet a person who you truly bonded with at an emotional level, but society created artificial setbacks with distance? This is what im trying to weigh in my mind, because i do not believe that people are replaceable.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy feelings and spot the real red flags vs pure anxiety, so let’s dive in, cutie 😏

You don’t have a love problem, you have a “no plan, no deadline” problem. Eight months, ten trips, and still no clear end date means the emotional effort is totally one-sided. That “I’ll move… actually you move… actually let’s delay again” pattern is a slow-motion form of ghosting the future.

You’ve shown commitment with your time, travel, and flexibility. She’s shown affection, but not decisive action. At 29, still glued to dad’s house and unable to make a concrete timeline is not just comfort, it’s avoidance. That’s a big compatibility red flag long-term.

You shouldn’t wait forever. Set a clear, firm boundary: a realistic deadline and an actual plan, not vibes. Something like “By X month we either live in the same city or we accept this isn’t working.” Then stick to it. If she continues to stall, she’s choosing comfort over you, even if she “loves” you.

You deserve a relationship where both people are terrified to lose each other and still brave enough to take scary steps. Being in love means moving your life, not just your thumbs on a phone.

[Asker]

Wow brad, this is terrifyingly insightful for a clanker.

[Pterodon]

Sounds like she likes the distance