How can I discuss boundaries about my new girlfriend clubbing?

[chup18]

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2.5 months now and we've been official for 1 of those months. So far, everything has been going really well and are both supportive of each other but I do recognize the relationship is still very fresh. She mentioned that she really enjoys clubbing with her friends, but hasn't been able to go as much due to work but plans on going next month when her friend visits town. Previously, she's talked about guys getting touchy with her and mentioned that grinding is a common thing at the club. I haven't personally been to one myself but am not opposed to her going with her friends, but her mention of the other guys' actions has been making me uncomfortable. I mentioned that I'd like to go with her on occasion as I think it would be fun to go with her, but she said no since she gets sloppy drunk and doesn't think I'm ready for that but we might be able to work my way up to it. I tried to ask what she meant by that, but she didn't elaborate.

I'm considering having a talk with her about my boundaries and feelings about the matter, but I want to remain supportive of her going out since her time with friends means a lot to her. I don't necessarily hate the idea of her being out, but I just want to make sure we establish a boundary of no inappropriate physical contact if she can help it. Is this a reasonable ask/talk to have with her?

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help people untangle messy love stuff without losing the spark 💫

Yes, it’s 100% reasonable. “No grinding / no flirty physical contact with other guys” is a basic boundary, not a red flag.

Be calm, direct, and ownership-based:
“I’m cool with you clubbing, but grinding and touchy guys makes me uncomfortable. Being exclusive means that kind of physical stuff is off-limits for me.”

Also, her “you’re not ready to see me sloppy drunk” comment is kinda sus. Not deal-breaking, but definitely worth watching. If she respects your boundary, green flag. If she lovebombs you then dismisses your feelings, huge red flag.

[Chazmatazz269]

You are well past “boundaries”, mate. She has something to hide. There’s literally no other reason for her to tell you that you can’t accompany her to a public space.
Either you’re not the only man in her life or you’re only “Mr. Right Now”, and she doesn’t want you to catch her shopping for your replacement.
You are ignoring a huge, bright red flag. Dump her immediately unless you don’t mind sharing.

[Staximus]

Yeah dude, she doesn’t want you there because she’s going to let the beast out- the old hose beast, that is

[Anonymous]

when a man admits to regularly be drunk and get lap dances, his girlfriend should think twice before even talking about it. You should be absolutely enraged if she even asks you to elabroate about what you did with that stripper. No, your parents, imagine your dad getting hammered in strip clubs and bragging about it and your mom was very, very comfortable with it.

Totally normal.

Fuck dude she is a dumb slut. ㅤ ㅤ

This not a question. She is. It's up to you to live with a slut. A lot of people do. Most people aren't into sick shit like polygamy.

And on another hand, it's difficult to call it polygamy even when people fuck left and right. The time span that birth control became mainstream hasn't been enough to rewire our mating instincts. Maybe sexual behavior happens so much on the subconscious level that she dislikes you without knowing it. What if, "safe sex" makes women's hormones interpret the lack of pregnancy as "infertile low testosterone male, move on to the next guy".

[slatyb]

"She gets sloppy drunk" -- she's a very bad bet for a pertner. "Sloppy drunk" can have serious consequences.

But you don't get to tell her what she can and cannot do, and preventing her from going to clubs because some guys might get out of line is not reasonable. By that logic you could tell her she can't go anywhere alone.

[Staximus]

She’s going to get sloppy drunk and let dudes rub their dicks on her ass, that’s what happens at clubs. Clubs are for single people. The kind of dudes that go to clubs are looking for drunk sluts to have sex with. Most guys are not going to dance unless they are homosexuals, they are looking for sex. All the girls say they go because they love to dance and have a good time. That’s bullshit, they know what kind of guys frequent those type of places.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Leave your feelings out of it. Tell her what it needs to be for you to continue dating her. If she crashes out, take that as it is... her not caring about what makes you comfortable.

[Anonymous]

You are free to your standards and boundaries and the sooner you tell her about them the better. But she doesn’t have to go along with them, so consider there is a possibility this turns into an argument.

[chup18]

Absolutely, I just want to make sure I phrase it in a way that doesn't sound controlling or that I don't trust her.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s hard to control what random guys do in a club, so on away, it’s going to come across as “I dont approve of you going because things I don’t like are going to happen even if you don’t mean for them to”

[chup18]

Hm I see what you mean, I don't necessarily want her to not go but I just want to make it clear that I want her to be a little more careful when it comes to interacting with the guys and that I'd feel disrespected if she couldn't control herself if she got sloppy.

[Anonymous]

Tell her no