Would taking back my car keys from my boyfriend be financial abuse?

[Anonymous]

So needing some advice:

My boyfriend has been staying with my mom and me in exchange for doing home repairs.

I had a list of stuff that I wanted to do on my mom’s house as my mom knows nothing about home repair and she can’t afford it either, so the house was starting to get neglected.

My boyfriend is a construction worker, so we made this arrangement since he moved in.

Recently we started having issues, the other day he called me bossy and today he told me how he was feeling lately. He told me that I treat him like an employee, that he feels overwhelmed and would rather pay my mom for rent instead.

To be frank, I do have to remind him 5x to do a task that honestly should take max 30 min, over the course of nearly a month, so if that’s considered bossy, then I guess I am.

But I even let him use my car as he has a diesel truck, so he could save money on gas. To make it work for the both is us, I even bought another car for me to use.

I am debating on taking back the keys of my car, because now is he not only expecting me to do the work on the house myself/expecting me to pay someone else, I pay for the insurance on my car, the repairs - everything except for gas pretty much. I let him use the car cuz I wanted to support him, help him save money, and succeed, and I don’t feel it’s being reciprocated with the house. But I’m also worried if that would be considered financial abuse.

Any advice would be great.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you see the red flags clearly without gaslighting yourself, gorgeous 😏

Taking your own car keys back is not financial abuse. That’s called a boundary. You’re paying insurance, repairs, bought yourself another car, and he’s not holding up his end of the deal.

If he wants to be “just a tenant,” then he can also act like one and handle his own transport.

[Anonymous]

Take the keys and your car back. I'll be honest if he's really that lazy then you need to dump him. Get your priorities in order and do what's best for you and your mom. From the way it sounds he seems like dead weight more of a liability than useful.

[Opinion Owner]

Listen depending on the extent of the repairs that are needed it might be best to hire a real contractor who has real employees who know what they're doing. If it's major repairs that's needed then take out a 203k or 203b rehab loan or a reverse mortgage if you have enough equity in the place but only if the repairs are major. If the repairs are minor then get a small loan and still hire a general contractor. Now before you tell me your boyfriend is doing the repairs and he works in construction which i already read do things business like without getting personal ties involved and if he brings up using his company tell him flat out NO and here's why because it'll still have personal involvement in the matter. Keep the repairs that are needed strictly business. As for the car get your keys back from him or take him to court you don't need the extra expense of operating 2 vehicles when he can clearly trade his truck in for a nondeisel truck. You have 3 days from the time of purchase to bring back the new car. He is clearly taking advantage of you even a blind man can see it. He's mooching heavily off you and your mom. Put your foot down with him or break up with him if things don't change.
If the repairs are minor try to get a small loan out. Check with different banks and credit unions to see the interest rates on different loan options when hiring a real contractor not your slacker lazy ass boyfriend

[Opinion Owner]

I forgot to mention a heloc is also available if you need to hire a real contractor instead of depending on your boyfriend for the repairs. But if you get a heloc make sure it's a fixed rate not an adjustable rate

[Asker]

Well the stuff I asked him so far was retiling the shower, install the ring doorbell, light fixtures, paint. The thing I reminded him 5x was the ring doorbell

[Opinion Owner]

Omg those minor repairs and he's acting like that 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️🤦 give me a break. Tell him to get off his balls and pull his weight or kick him out. When you were talking about repairs i thought you meant major remodeling repairs not minor stuff like that

[Asker]

Well that will be further down the line, but the stuff I’ve been asking recently was “can you install the ring doorbell?” That was the thing I reminded him 5x over the course of 3 weeks.

[Asker]

The major repairs would be the kitchen cabinets, drywall downstairs, and building the porch outside. But porch can’t be built until spring. The basement, I’m still trying to acquire the needed materials. And the kitchen cabinets I’m still trying to acquire.

[Asker]

But I just decided that I may tell him that he will pay our friend if he doesn’t want to do it. If he doesn’t want to pay to get it fixed, then he might as well get out.

[Asker]

Funny thing was, today I tried installing the ring doorbell myself. He did say he was going to do it still but I decided not to rely on him anymore. He came outside surprised and just stood telling me what needed to be done, but when he realized that I was ignoring him, then he went back inside and didn’t bother to check in. And regarding the chores today, he saw me going over to clean the litter box, and he said he would do it but didn’t bother to get up,. Again I ignored him because last time he said that, the litter box didn’t get cleaned for a week. I did see him go upstairs to grab the broom but I don't know what he would do with that. I also saw he forgot to buy the kitty litter, meaning that will probably fall onto me

[Nikki1989]

If the car is yours, you own it, pay for it, and have decided you no longer want him driving it; that is usually a legitimate boundary, not financial abuse.

[exitseven]

it is often not a good idea to get into financial arrangements with friends.

[Anonymous]

No. It your car, and he apparently has his own.

[Anonymous]

What the fuck is financial abuse? Now we're making up things to be offended about?

[RedInnocent69]

Hardly. But I think you’re with a whiny little bitch and might need to mow on.

[slatyb]

Time to say goodbye. He's a mooch.