Should I return the car my ex boyfriend bought me after we broke up?

[Anonymous]

My ex bought me a car and we broke up recently. I don’t know if I should keep it or give it back to him because we never discussed what to do with the gifts he gave me or the gifts I gave him during our relationship.

Yes. I would return it

No. I wouldn’t return it

I’d talk to him and ask for his opinion on whether he wants it back

Updates

+1 y

FIRST of all he bought me the car before we broke up.

Second, I don’t know who’s name it’s under. He just showed up with the a new car one day it’s not like I went with him to buy the car and picked it out for myself. I never asked him either which if anything goes to show that I’m not a gold digger.

Updates

+1 y

He said he doesn’t need the car so I can have it 😊

[ImSoSquishy]

i don't know about how everyone else is like regarding this but i personally feel that if you gave away something, you can't get it back regardless of the price. doesn't matter if the relationship ended in mutual terms or badly, it's was a gift, you can't request to take anything back because it's their property now, just as the things he gave you is now your property. everytime i broke up with my ex gfs i have never once asked anything back. if they ask if i want it back i usually just say "i gave it to you, so it's yours to keep, you can give it away to your friends, throw it away or whatever. but, if you insist to give it back to me then that's fine. i'll take it back."

if the car is under his name, then yes he has a right to get it back by legal means. if the car is under your name, it is not necessary for you to give it back unless you want to and if you don't want to, he won't be able to do anything about it.

[ImSoSquishy]

if that's the case then, you should talk to him about it. if the car is under his name and he has no means to changing it to your name, then it's best to give the car back even if he tells you to hold on to the car because in the future he might use it against you for whatever reason. it's the one thing i hate about some people who's always using whatever reason they can to make you feel bad and give in, like what if one day he's like "oh i let you use my car for so long and today i ask you to suck my dick for 30 minutes and you won't even do it" then they start asking you for money because you put a lot of mileage on it or something and i'm serious, there are some people who are just grimey like that and this side of them usually shows up after a break up of any kind.

[OlderAndWiser]

If the car is titled in his name, it should be returned to him. If the car is titled in your name. . . you have no legal obligation to return a gift, but. . . imagine that you had bought a car for him and then you broke up. How would you hope for him to handle it?

[BeHappy1985]

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[NineBreaker]

Well said, sir! 👏

[pleasestopthis]

What if he's the one who dumped her?

[Sociopathvictim]

If the car is in his name, crash into into his house and walk away like a BOSS!

[Sociopathvictim]

or get a new paint job on it in multi-colours and return it safely and hand him the keys then walk away like a BOSS

[pleasestopthis]

@Sociopathvictim that made me laugh hahaha

[MimiHashima]

Well said

[Allie_Oops]

Oh my goodness... you and I actually agree on something? Is the world ending or something?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Allie_Oops Yes, 2:00 pm tomorrow. :)

[wondering_guy]

There's a grey area, the car maybe in her name but what if the insurance and stuff is in his name

[OlderAndWiser]

@wondering_guy There is nothing grey about that. If the car is titled in her name, it was given as a gift and she is legally entitled to keep it. Whether that is the right thing to do is another question. The insurance is irrelevant. If the car is titled in her name, the tag will also be in her name.

[TrixiePooch]

Little gifts you have no obligation to return, but something major I think it would be a shit trick not to. I don't know how old it was, but a new car cost a chunk of change. If he got you an old jalopy that looked like it was on it's last legs it would be different. But if it were a nice car of recent vintage I think you should give it back, especially if he is making payments on it or paying the insurance. Any girl can get a boyfriend, get him to buy her a car, and then say goodbye so it makes sense to do it. However if he doesn't want it back that is another matter. You should ask him and at least offer to take over the payments and keep it.

[Allie_Oops]

If it's not in your name, then legally, you have to give it back.

Even if it isn't, you should discuss that. A car isn't the same as a teddy bear or a necklace, especially if he's still making payments on it.

[Allie_Oops]

So based on your update, the car is in his name. He can't buy a car and put it in your name. If you never transferred the title, then you do not own the car. Therefore, you need to give it back by law.

[Allie_Oops]

2nd update: I feel like you're lying because you were called out on your bullshit. Unless it was some dinky 2002 Ford that cost next to nothing, I don't think you even asked lol

[Asker]

Lying about what? You can think whatever you want but I got a car for free not you lol who’s laughing now

[Allie_Oops]

Me because my parents bought me a BMW when I was in high school. That's what happens when your dad is millionaire. You may now have several seats.

[PrincessPie]

The word you used "gift" now whether you feel comfortable enough to keep it is up to you, but i don't see why anyone gives a gift back, no matter how big or small, i know i never would expect a gift back.

[Logorithim]

Has he said anything about it? You're under no obligation to give it back, and he may not care or even want it.

[MrMysteryMan]

Well it was a "gift" at the time. So usually you don't give back gifts, since it was probably from the heart, and I would think a fucking car would be something you'd give from the heart and not just on a whim. WOW, a fucking CAR... Like let that sink in... My parents HELPED me get a car, I still had to do payments and such... But he BOUGHT you the car. *SMH That's why I don't buy gifts so extravagant for people, since it's pretty hard to quantify or even how is that other person going to feel about a fucking CAR from someone. YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING DO ANYTHING TO HURT THAT GUY!!! Is all that's probably going to go through their head, unless they don't care much for the guy.

Ok enough about that... Obviously, because of your guilt in having it now, you did probably care for the guy. In my book, I would return the gift to him, because how in the world WOULDN'T a FUCKING CAR not remind you of him? You get into it, he's going to be there in the passenger side saying, "Gee, how's my gift doing for you? Better than a bus isn't it? You'll probably never have another guy buy you a car you bitch and you dumped me..., I hope you feel good about yourself..."

I'm telling you, unless you can block him out totally or just cut him loose like old baggage, you don't need that reminder every time you look out your window at it...

[MrMysteryMan]

Hmm that's not surprising he said to keep it. But, still, how do you feel about keeping it really?

[Haijal23]

Normally I would say don't worry about returning gifts, but something like a car is a big purchase. I would definitely want it returned if it is financed in my name, or transfer everything in your name.

I bought some things with credit for a serious ex and I many years ago. When we broke up she told me she wanted to keep them, which was fine, but I guess after the shock of everything went away she stopped. I ended up shelling out my own money for some shit I thought I would never see again. Youth and "love" will make a man make stupid decisions.

[StrangerByTheDay]

In my own honest opinion I think the most mature thing to do in this kind of situation is to talk about it in person, not over the phone or text message.

It also depends on how much expensive the gift is, like a car for example or anything else that is really expensive as for the person who bought it could really need the money for bills etc...

Personally, if it was a car, even though I would love to keep it to myself, I would have called my ex and talked it out. maybe she is wealthy and don't really need the money and wants me to keep it as a souvenir. Maybe she has money problems and need to pay the bills. etc...

My Vote:
I’d talk to him and ask for his opinion on whether he wants it back

[coralee]

I'm not big on the whole returning gifts idea after a break-up as it makes the relationship seem like a financial transaction. You don't give a gift for something in return and you don't give gifts with parameters. BUT, for large purchases such as cars and or engagement/wedding rings then they should be returned. Talk to him first though as depending on who the car is under there might be some legal issues you want to work out before hand i. e. signing it over to him, getting insurance switch over etc.

[User-Jacob]

First and foremost, it depends on whose name it's in. If it's in his, you have to return it.
Next, engage your empathy. Is he wealthy enough for this not to set him back? Did he pay for it outright, or is he still paying for it? If it's going to hurt him, financially, I'd recommend adhering to the Golden Rule.
Lastly, do you need it? And are you comfortable driving, everyday, in a constant reminder of your ex? Even with a future mate?

Lots of factors to consider, all of which I consider to be important.

[Blunique]

Do you need that car? If you didn't have it would you be taking the bus or do you actually have two cars? I wouldn't want a constant reminder of the person so I would give it back. Also it's his car because he paid for it with his money. I wouldn't want to keep something he worked hard for and now we aren't even together. But definitely you should ask him. And most importantly get your stuff back too if you really want it. I once left a really kick ass book over my ex's place. I gave him my favorite book to read and he never read it 😵 I wish I had gotten it back but I completely forgot about it until it was too late. So definitely get all of the things you want back from him. Make sure you take everything so you don't regret it.

[MScifiwriter]

If it were jewelry or something that was modestly expensive, I'd say keep it. But a damned car? WOOOOAAAHH! That, I would say, give the car back, no offense but that would be selfish to keep.

Now, that is assuming your ex boyfriend was a nice kind person, which I would assume is the case if he bought you a car, if that's the case. Be on good terms with him, Give yourself some good karma (so-to-speak) and return the car.

Now if he was a jerk or a complete asshole, then I'd say... maybe consider keeping it for yourself at least for a few months or so.

Anyway that's just my opinion, after all cars are massively expensive and it just seems selfish to me for a person to consider keeping "that" type of present after a break-up.

[Losalt]

Regarding most gifts you should just keep them.
A car however is a *huge* investment that together with things like a house/appartment should be discussed with your partner in that situation.
One option is for you to keep it but agree that you'll pay him a small sum on a regular basis till the value has been paid for as one example.
Or it can be sold and the value shared between you.
Or any number of other options...

[Losalt]

Update: I'm glad to hear that. =)
It's always nice to have a car and I'm guessing he thought you really needed one if he got one for you.

[PinkMichae]

As long as it's in your name then it was a gift. It's not like an engagement ring which is given and accepted with the promise of marriage. But if it's in his name then you will have to give it back because he's not gonna risk his credit and legally it's still his.

[Journeyman11]

It is a huge investment in a romantic relationship. That relationship is gone, but SHE gets to keep profiting from HIS work and HIS effort and HIS sacrifice he put in. His love isn't good enought apparently, but his MONEEEYY is.
This is just wrong. And I'm sure ALL of you would see it this way too, if it was the other way around.
Not that a woman ever spends significant amounts of money on a man, so how would you understand.
Off to the next sugardaddy.

[PinkMichae]

But you see I wouldn't be stupid enough to buy my boyfriend a car or anything really expensive no matter how much money I have. And I don't give gifts with conditions. He chose to buy her that gift. He wasn't forced. And it doesn't mean he has to keep paying the payment if it wasn't paid off. But if a man does something stupid like that then why shouldn't he deal with the consequences? In the eyes of the law if she can prove it was a gift and he put it in her name then it's legally hers to keep. My advice is don't do stupid things like that.

[Journeyman11]

So basically as long as there is no chance that you're put in jail, fuck people over as much as you can, suck them dry, take, take, take, because there's no such thing as right and wrong, just "Good for ME" or "Bad for ME". Ok, got it.

[Journeyman11]

I didn't say that this gift came with a condition. I said that it would be morally right for HER to give it back, just as it would the other way around.
The law is not equal to what is morally right.
And I just KNOW that, if it was the other way around, you would call this guy all names in the book, what a pathetic egotistical moocher, a pig and an asshole he would be, how he could use her like that, and so on.
Hypocrites.

[PinkMichae]

No, if I did a stupid thing like that I would kick myself in the ass and learn not to try and buy people's affections. And i don't see it being morally wrong to keep a gift that was given with no conditions. And if you see her update the guy told her to keep the car. So apparently the only person that has a problem here is you. Seriously if you are in a relationship do you expect a woman to give back every gift you gave her because it didn't end up working out? That's called giving gifts with conditions. And if that's the type of person you are don't bother giving gifts.

[PinkMichae]

That's what I find morally wrong. A person that wants their gifts back if the relationship ends. Only whiny babies do that. Laws are put into place to keep things fair. It doesn't get any more morally right than that. Be a grown up and don't give gifts with conditions. The only way this would be morally wrong is if he told her if things don't work out he wants the car back. But that's not the case so get off your moral high horse because you don't have a leg to stand on in this situation. Good day.😎

[Asker]

He’s not stupid to buy me a car lol he’s just a generous person

[PinkMichae]

@Asker. He's only stupid if he buys you a car then gets made at you for keeping it. But according to your update that's not the case. My point is you don't give gifts no matter how expensive and expect them back if the relationship ends.

[PinkMichae]

*mad not made

[apple24]

Gold digger!! Hahaha you should return it. A car is expensive and I am pretty sure he rather keep the money. If you want keep it than pay him back. Honestly it’s embarrassing what you just did. Think long and hard how your only thinking about materialistic things. Even if the car was 3,000 that still money he work up for to pay for you. It’s pretty sad.

[Journeyman11]

You give me hope.

[apple24]

@Journeyman11 I am ugly so I don't have the luxury of men buying me things. Even my dad doesn't give me that much. I get like what 100$ every half a year from him. When your pretty the whole world get on one knee. When your average, overweight, angry at the world... than you the value of time and money. Otherwise, I wouldn't know...

[Journeyman11]

So you get to be a better person...
I'm sure that will make you a better friend, a better mother, should you ever have kids, and happier in the long run, because you can actually have meaningful relationships... who cares how you look, if you have people around you, who are there for YOU, and not your looks or your money.
Pretty girls might get guys and presents, but no respect or consideration... because the way most of them are, they don't deserve it.

I know, doesn't change the fact that you're discontent. Just letting you know, that I think that you have something of greater value than looks, even if people don't appreciate it as much.
But who needs this kind of people anyways.

[apple24]

@Journeyman11 hmm... Sure. But we live in a materlistic world where beauty is everything. No matter how much I try I won't be the delicious meal.

[Rose145]

Why should you have to give it back... FIRST of all it was given to you WHILE YOU WERE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. There is no rule that after you split you must return what was given out of your heart. That is just plain wrong. Thats like saying if I bought my partner a beautiful $1000 dollar necklace, god forbid we break up I expect them to give me back what I gave them. Nah keep the car and enjoy it.

[Tdieseler]

Everyone is saying that if it is titled to him, give it back to him, i agree
Some are saying if its a gift, you should keep it regardless, i agree too..
but here's my view, different as always... i say if its paid off... keep the shit, if it ain't, then return it.

[Bananaman177]

That's a big goddamned gift to be keeping.

How would you like explaining that one to the next guy you meet?

"Oh, this old thing? Yeah, my old boyfriend bought it for me right before we broke up and I just kept it! So hey, where are you taking me out for dinner tonight?"

[BaileyisDarcy]

Why would that even come up though?

[Bananaman177]

@BaileyisDarcy Terrible strategy.

"Oh, well, hopefully it never comes up!"

And then what about when it does? What then? Lie?

[BaileyisDarcy]

"So whered you get the car?"

"Second hand dealer, bought it for 'insert average value'"

Why wouldit need to go further than that?

[Bananaman177]

@BaileyisDarcy But if your husband told a little lie like that to you, you'd probably lose your mind over it, right?

[BaileyisDarcy]

No? Because it doesn't matter.

Nobody has ever asked me where i got my car I've only ever volunteered that information (bought if off my dad btw)

I would never ask where my hypothetical husband got his bed frame, or his coffee maker or tea strainer or who gave him that couch or whatever else.

Because it doesn't matter. And even if it turned out his ex bought him that shower head and he kept it or that box of cigars or that coffee table, who cares? As long as she's not going to come back and cause trouble im gonna sit back and put my feet up on that table because the past is the past and now i dont have to buy a whole new one.

So no, i wouldn't go off over a little lie like that, and yes, on the off chance an ex bought me a car (not tjat any would any guy im with knows he's risking murder buying me a gift of any kind of value over 20 bucks) i would lie about where it came from to my next partner because the past is the past and they dont need to know.

[Benyboy]

He's the truth everyone would agree with, resist temptations and whichever option you decide is harder, and feels like the right thing to do, do that. You obviously feel like keeping the car isn't the right thing to do, or else you wouldn't have posted this question. You could really mess up his own, and yours as well, understanding of how a relationship is suppose to look like. Doesn't matter what he sais, he's hurt and of course he's not going to way he is wants his car back, but who wouldn't? Do the right thing /, mourn over ended relationship, and move on. Cars come and go, but people's feelings linger a lot longer and influence actions a lot more than anything else. It wasn't yours, you did not earn it, he did not gift it to you in your name, you don't deserve that car.

[bubbatxman]

If the car title is in your name it is your car. If the car title is in his name, it is his. Car titles show legal ownership. If the car title has a lien, it is the bank’s until the loan is paid off. I know this is a complicated answer, but there it is.

[bubbatxman]

The registration papers are typically required to be in the car., so it will have owner.

[bubbatxman]

Get the legal paperwork done so it’s REALLY yours! If there’s debt (a lien) against it , then you owe the bank. They can just show up and take it.

[bubbatxman]

If he is letting you keep it after the breakup, he is either feeling guilty about something he’s done, or he still wants to be with you. Keeping the title in his name still gives him a reason to contact you and keep the door open at best. I’m married and my car is her name. If we got divorced, I’m pretty sure she would sell it or burn it rather than give it to me.

[wankiam]

was it a gift? i mean is it in your name or was it something he bought in his name for you to use? if its in your name then its yours but if its in his you need to ask him if he wants it back... also double check he never cancelled the insurance if he took out the policy else you may be driving it illegally without realising

[BiggestBaddestJon]

Whose name is on the title? That's the legal owner. If you keep it and he is the legal owner, than he could try to get you in trouble for car theft. If your name is on the title, than it was a gift and you keep it. Personally I'd never put someone I was dating on a title, but who knows what this goofball did. Best of luck love!

[_Dylan_]

If it's legally under your name, I don't think so... A gift is a gift and I don't believe should be returned.

If it's under his name, of course.

People should think about the long term when it comes to Investments like this. Gifting a car is a big investment for a relationship, and although I'm sorry it didn't work for you, if it's yours legally I think you should keep it.