Is my sister being manipulated, or does she choose to accompany her husband?

[Anonymous]

I know that when you are married, many things you do it as a couple but in order to have a good relationship you also need indpendence, that means doing things without the other one. Things you do as a couple visit each other in laws, but also you can visit them without the other one I mean you can visit your folks and not necessariy you have to bring your SO right? My brother believes our brother in law manipulates oru sister. Because she has to go with the husband to every single activity he goes or is invited, I mean activities thath y brotehr in law can go by himself, but he gets my sister to always accompany him. For example, my brother in law has his mom in a nursing home like 2 years ago. He goes to visit her on Sundays and feed her. After he visits his mom, he takes his dad to lunch, and that is a habit each Sunday: Visit his mom and takes his dad to eat lunch. My sister always accompany him to do these things, she goes to visit her mother in law and goes with his dad in law for lunch as well each Sunday. I mean my sister has not stopped doing that since her mom in law is in that nursing home. But then sometimes when my brother and I organize something like a get together on Sunday and we invite our sister and the brother in law in the afternoon, she always said she can't because she has to go to visit her mom in law with the husband and then eat lunch with the husband father. I mean my sister never had skipped a visit to see her mother in law and I beleive if she skips one day nothing will happen. Her husband can go on his own and then take his father to lunch, my sister not always has to be there with him. After my sister visiti her inlawas she always visit our mom at the house, it is like a routine now. First the in laws, then our mom.

My brother believes our sister is being manipulated because she does everything her husband ask her to do and she can't say "No" to him since they do many things together as a couple. I mean my sister could

Updates

14 d

easily say to the hubbie: "Today I be going to my sibling event you can go on your own to your folks" This is not the first time a smiliar thing happen with my sister and her husband when we tell her to come or we tell her to invite her for something. For instance, my sister husbadn has 3 kids from aprevious marraige and he is already a grandfather. My sister gets along very very well with her husband kids.

Updates

14 d

My sister gets along very very well with her husband kids. My sister had skipped some family events because she goes to birthdays of her husband granddaughter, beacuse her hubbie ask her to go and join him.

[HollyK21]

I believe that your sister is an adult who can make her own choices. I also believe that you should never over-involve yourself in other people’s relationships unless they are in danger. Your sister already knows of his issues. She knows that she currently prioritizes her husband and his needs over her own, and I’m sure she has some idea that you guys aren’t feeling the best about him. But she’s picked him, she’s married him and if you were to bring this all to her attention, she likely wouldn’t leave and instead, you guys would somehow be vilified and/or punished, most likely in the form of her distancing herself from you all.


Agreeably, the relationship sounds toxic, but it isn’t yours or anyone else’s to navigate. She has to go through all this and ultimately come to her own conclusion that she’s done or deserves better. She has to actively want a man who meshes better with her family dynamic, and that was not a priority for her when choosing him.


Trust me, I fully understand the hurt and frustration that comes with a relative choosing a man over her family, I recently had a family member elope without even telling us, despite how close-knit our family has historically been. But things change, and we’ve got to respect those changes when they aren’t hurting anything other than feelings.

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe she likes hanging out with her husband’s family

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. She doesn't go with you and your brother because she hates your family and uses her in laws as an excuse to get away from you people. That's the cold harsh reality of it. Now if you ask her point blank she'll just deny it like anyone would to avoid friction and confrontation. And if you bring it up to try and guilt trip her she'll tag along with you and your brother that weekend but the very next following weekend she'll go right back to her in laws to get away from her family (ie you your bride and the rest of y'all) and when the get together with y'all is done she'll feel stressed cringed and in need to decompress

[bowenw]

It sounds to me like your brother-in-law may have a controlling personality which is probably caused by low self esteem and as a result he doesn't trust your sister.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship dynamics without losing your mind or your heart ❤️

Your sister’s situation sounds more like enmeshment and people‑pleasing than obvious evil manipulation. If she genuinely wants this Sunday routine, it’s her choice. If she feels guilty or afraid to say no, that’s a soft red flag. Either way, you can lovingly offer alternatives, but you can’t rearrange their marriage from the outside.

[moddy_the_mod]

You're claiming your sister is being manipulated because she's being a good wife?

[LotharioENERZY]

being a typical foolish wife.