At 38 what are my chances of finding love?

Question

Aloha folks. I turned 38 recently and I have found dating in my 30's to be daunting and much different than in my 20's. I guess it is bc

many of the good ones are already taken...and the guys still single

are slim pickings. I suffered in a long term rel. where I wasted my time for 11 years...with a cheater and beater. This has scarred me.

Makes me act out in self-destructive ways to deal with the anger.

Nothing happened to my ex despite being arrested twice, I protected him even bailed him out of jail...bc I have a heart...

and I was naive. He now is in the high enlisted ranks of Navy.

I have posted about him before. I want to know how to redefine

myself to be able to date and respect myself and trust men again. Lately I have been doing very stupid stuff because I am in pain...like drinking way to much and hooking up with young men.

My life has been chaotic, and I have reacted by acting chaotic...

Last night I went out to a bar alone...and a man 24 years old took me home with him...I was able to fend off sex...and he was nice

actually as he could be...I was sick at the bar and he took care

of me and also the morning after. I am glad because things could have turned out differently. I know I am abusing myself because of the

anger and abuse that affects me from my ex. I want to stop...

I want to have a normal and loving, stable relationship...

I hope it is not too late. Advice for the 38 y/o who acts like a 21

y/o at tines? I am a good woman and capable of more, but

am dragged down by memories of abuse...and rejection...

and a sense of injustice about my long term relationship...

I have a great deal to offer the right fellow.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

First off, really sorry to hear what you've been through. No good woman deserve any abuse from boys or cowards. But with that said, you can't offer anything good but suffering to future partner with the state you are in. It's not an issue of your chances to get men, it's an issue of sorting out yourself and be a stable person first. Surely at the age of 38, SOME single women feel a bit discouraged, a bit disheartened, a bit worried and wondering about your chances and stuff. But rest assure, your chances are still plentiful. Elizabeth Taylor got divorced plenty times, yet she still have the chances of being married. My landlady, who's already in her early 40s, still has guys wanting to be with her. My aunt got divorced in her late 30s, now despite at the age of 50, she also still has guys wanting to be with her. I can go on with the list of people to prove your chances, but by the end of the day, your alcohol, your behavior etc.. will ruin your chances of getting a boyfriend or your relationship with your future partner if you don't sort it out.

Yes the past is painful, hurtful, it's everything unpleasant that you can describe under the sun. But what's done is done and leave the past behind. Time is too short to dwell on unhappiness and the past. Find the desire that you have for man to help yourself. Seek for counselling, seek for help, get help from the RIGHT people, take your time to recover, and ultimately be happy on your own and don't rush into anything. If you have the strength to withstand a useless coward for 11 years, I don't doubt you can manage this. Whilst I can't dictate what you decision, I wish you the very best of luck and good health.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just keep having hope and faith that the right one will appear and now that you know more about relationships, just make sure you don't make the same mistakes over again by picking the wrong type of guy.  Good luck

darlanoy0510 · Accepted Answer

You need to find yourself again. Raise your self esteem and figure out what do you want out of new relationship. Once you are confident about yourself you will find a good guy who will love you for who you are.

ImALuvrNotAFighter · Accepted Answer

First of all, I don't think 38 is over the hill; many people meet "the one" when they're in their 30's and 40's, or even older. I thought my wife and I would be together forever, but she died several years ago, so here I am, single again, and I'm older than you. I haven't had a problem meeting people. Age is just a number; if you take good care of yourself and have a great attitude towards life, you'll have plenty of attention from guys before you know it.

Have you sought professional help to deal with your past trauma? Or are you at least at a point where you're not letting it affect or bother you? You don't want to ruin a relationship with a good guy by comparing/contrasting him to your abusive ex-bf; it's unfair and unproductive.

Last piece of advice: Stick with guys in your relative age range, and don't expect to meet "the one" in a bar. For me personally, 5-6 years in either direction is about the most I'll go for age difference. Go do activities you enjoy, things that you've always wondered about, things that make you feel excited about life. If you meet an attractive guy who shares a common interest with you, who knows where it can go from there?

Good luck!

stubbsy · Accepted Answer

There are guys out there that would love to be able to approach you and give themselves a chance with the talents you hold, but you might be giving off signals as damaged goods, so it is essential you work on your confidence before visiting another club, or having another drink, because your statement speaks volumes and expresses worth, so your not someone that would normaly struggle with blokes, but because you have had a long time of not being allowed to shine, your obviously forgetting the qualities that made you attractive. So instead of getting wasted, get even by swapping the bottle for a night out with friends but without being on the pull, this will do wonders for your confidence because eventually, you will realize that you are still very attractive to men your own age, and by dealing with your own company for a while, will allow you to be able to deal with other company to. So give your talents the respect they deserve, and be patient for the guy who deserves the chance to prove his worth to you, because you have talent and it won't go unnoticed, good luck,x

Longshot · Answer

You may need some therapy and a dose of self confidence. A good therapist can help you with the years of abuse and other issues. My mother is a career woman and self confident. She remarried at age 55.

Horizon · Answer

I won't give you Vegas kind of odds but in my rough estimate I'd say... exactly the same as when you were 28 or 18. You might have to put more time and effort in going through all teh uneligible and taken men but you're chances are still good.

kurozogo · Answer

Well I'm not a positive person so I will say that I don't think that there is a big chance to find love at any age , its mostly a gamble , But we don't know what will happen tomorrow so just take it easy and it will probably be fine .

Opalivian · Answer

Your just feeling a bit down right now. It will get better after a week or two. Your just choosing the wrong place to find men. Go on a dating website or a community center. First your emotions, then switch the atmosphere, then go fishing!

Anonymous · Answer

My grandma met the love of her life at 70 years old!  He was 64, so she called herself a "cougar."  LOL.

Anonymous · Answer

Step 0: Drop the alcohol (this is key) Step 1: Watch Cougar Town Step 2: Look like Courtney Cox Step 3: Act like Courtney Cox acts in the Cougar Town series. Problem solved.

Anonymous · Answer

You will fine your great love soon! I know it! Just keep your heart and mind open you will see soon you will fine him!

At 38 what are my chances of finding love?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

At 38 what are my chances of finding love?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.