How to deal with boyfriend staying at his baby mama's house for Christmas?

[jdiam68]

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year and with Christmas nearing I am feeling very uneasy that my boyfriend plans to stay at his ex's house for Christmas. I feel this way for several reasons mostly because his ex still wants him and is constantly trying to interfere with our relationship and that I have yet to meet his daughter because he does is afraid if he request this that she will not allow him to see his daughter. Aside from the situation with his ex we have a healthy normal relationship and live together, with my 3 children from a past relationship.

[saphirasilverwings]

Is it out of the question for him to stay at a hotel or something near her house?

[jdiam68]

I don't think that he would want to do that being that he wants to be there when his daughter goes to sleep and when she wakes up. I'm trying to be reasonable being that this is the first Christmas that he is not living with his child but I can't help to have anxiety about the situation on top of how to explain the situation to my daughter that has recently started to call my boyfriend dad and has a very close relationship with him/

[saphirasilverwings]

It's understandable, especially since he's met your kids but you haven't met his. It's a tough situation. I don't really know what to say :/

[Anonymous]

Trust.

[jdiam68]

My problem is his ex because she is constantly calling me saying that he don't want me that he is just using me which of coarse upsets me but then I step back and think if he wanted to be with her why would he leave his child and the her to be with me, when he apparently is not using me he pays my bills and is in my bed every night. From the guys perspective am I just driving myself crazy worrying for nothing?

[Opinion Owner]

Trust him.

[saphirasilverwings]

Trust is necessary in a relationship of course, but this is a pretty weird situation. Would you feel 100% comfortable with your girlfriend staying at her ex's house over Christmas?

I understand that he'll be there to see his kid, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to feel some anxiety about the situation.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I would feel comfortable about it. Besides, we have no control over others. If you can't do anything about it, why worry? The easier you make this for him, the more he'll realize that he made a good decision being with you.

[saphirasilverwings]

That's true. But I find it hard to believe that you would not be at all worried about it, even privately. If you really wouldn't be, then you're probably unusual.

[jdiam68]

Thank You this is just so weird I know I got to trust him but it just is so unsettling.

[Opinion Owner]

Anything with a perceived uncertain outcome can create anxiety. But your perception in this case is flawed, built by your own imagination and insecurity. You really have nothing to be anxious about.

[jdiam68]

I do agree that making this situation easier for him will just show him more that he made the right decision about being with me but at the same it does not make it really any easier and I agree that even privately you would not be a hundred percent comfortable with a similar situation I don't think anyone could be. If you don't mind me asking how old are you and what is your relationship status?

[Opinion Owner]

Old enough to know EXACTLY your situation and the strife it can cause. I can empathize with you directly. Rest assured, I know what I'm talking about.

[JayCutler]

three words...WTF!