Boyfriend stays at baby moms until 1AM?

[ThisGirlwantsAnswers]

Let me just give a bit of a recap of what is happening. This baby mom has screwed my boyfriend over. I’ve been with this guy for 2 1/2 years and I’ve been his shoulder to cry on while this girl kept him from seeing his kid for 2 years. One day, 4 months ago, out of nowhere she decides to let him be apart of his life again. Very happy about that. BUT she only lets him if he goes to her house. My boyfriends mom can’t even see the kid. She also at the start was not letting him say that he was this kids dad because she wanted all three of them to start being a family again. She doesn’t want him in a relationship and she doesn’t care if he is in one, she would still try and pull a move. Anyway so now he goes there 3-4 nights a week after work until the kid goes to bed at 9. Some nights tho, he stays until 11 cause his kid wouldn’t go to bed. Last night at 4pm he went there to put up this pool for him and was there until 1am and I’m supposed to just be okay with all this? He never talks to me about her, never really says much about his kid. I’m now excluded of this part in his life completely. I’ve never had trust issues with him up until she came back in the picture. Now I drive myself crazy with these thoughts and I can’t help myself. I just feel like he should be doing more things to comfort me about this. What should I really expect him to do to comfort me? I don’t know how to deal with this situation honestly, I’m just tired of my head going to the worse case scenario. I just don’t feel like he does anything to comfort me when if he was the one in that position he would be losing his mind aswell but it’s almost like he forgets
that.

[livelife1018]

Your boyfriend needs to realize what he's been doing. Yes its good to see his kid again but there's gotta be some boundaries and a conversation about this. If he's accusing you or pointing the fingers at you then i feel like he needs a lot to figure out and i think you deserve a lot more respect then what he's been doing. As a couple he should be talking about this with you but if he's not i personally feel like he has something to hide. You deserve to knoww whats going on and ask him. If he's not respectful of that then you should drop him

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I agree with this! she's laying out ground rules for him and he's following like a dog on a leash.. maybe this week after he goes over one day.. the next day she wants him to go over express how much you miss spending time with him that he was just there the other night. Ask him if he still wants this? He will hopefully say yes how could you think that.. say your happy your back in your childs life its what you always wanted.. but she wants you to be a family again she's hurt you so much I dont want to see you get hurt because I love you.. I feel like im on the back burner I understand he comes first being your child but being over there until 1am what am I suupose to think? Im hurting abd you dont seem to care.. I can't live like this anymore

[ThisGirlwantsAnswers]

@PeacefulRainDrop thank you that is very helpful! I try to talk to him but he seems to be very protective of the time he has with his kid and wants for me to just accept whatever is going on which I don’t think is really fair to me. But he really wanted to be apart of his kids life and would cry so much all the time so now he probably just doesn’t want to miss a thing. I just find that ever since he’s had his kid back in his life I’m almost no longer needed to his life and he can’t even have the respect to make it so it’s easy on me too.. because this is a huge change to my life aswell and I wasn’t ready for all that either

[ThisGirlwantsAnswers]

Thank you that is very true, I appreciate your advice and agree with you completely

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Dont allow him to make you feel guilty for how you feel. If he does leave him and I honestly bet youd hed be dating his baby momma again in hopes things would be different this time... people dont change they can realize their mistakes but fixing them takes a lot of work and most people would rather say sorry every time than change their ways.. dont yell or be defensive you can't live like that... it not like your asking him to choose between you and his son... you acknowledge how his son needs him and he needs his son.. your just asking him to not put you on the back burner and there's no need to be there until 1am if the kid goes to bed at 9pm what was he doing from 9pm -1am? Your not being insecure your guarding your heart and your fully invested in this relationship.. and you hope he is too but if you had a kid in the same situation living with its father you wouldn't stay there until 1am on him.. so why does he do it to you? Also if he calls you defensive or needy or makes you feel guilty most likely means he's cheating and defecting it on you so he doesn't have to come clean about it.. if your sex life is less than what it was he probably is too.. also visiting his kid 3 times a week for how long? I can understand for the first few weeks getting caught up on missed time but months later that wouldn't fly with me.. once a week or every other week should be enough to suit their needs but not staying abd hanging out with her afterwards. Cause last thing you want to be hun is his back up plan..

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Maybe suggest that the three of you take him out for ice cream and to the park? Watch how he responds to that.. cause she won't agree to the two of you.. she doesn't know you and wants to protect her son its a mothers instinct nothing about you.. or give her a call and invite her over to your place for coffee so the two of you can talk cause him going in between can cause issues.. she needs to feel comfortable around you before she will allow you around their son.. once she does allow you around their son then your set. But if he laughs all this off and next time he's not home by the time you two set start packing your bags dont look back he showed you your feelings mean shit to him if its your house and he's living with you pack his bags put all by the door and tell him he mays well live there he spends more time there anyway..

[SphynxUK]

Seeing the children doesn’t mean he should be there until 1am.
Young kids are in bed before 8pm whether they are sleeping or not.


He has a right to see his children wherever he chooses. Make an afternoon or day of it.
Most dads will see the children once a week, unless he’s living close or baby for the mum now and again.
Several times a week does seem excessive. He isn’t going to miss anything important if she’s them less than 3 or 4 nights.
The solution should suit all of you.


Ask him what he’s going while he’s there. Watch his reaction.
Suggest he be home by a certain time, instead of being there all night.
Explain it isn’t appropriate.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like she’s violating his rights. He needs to talk to a lawyer.

[Avicenna]

Have you specifically addressed your concerns with him?

[007kingifrit]

if you date someone who uses the term "baby mom" you are low class and you WILL be cheated on

[Anonymous]

read the bible
never date a single father or mother

THEY ARE MARKED

[In_Trance]

So... what are you actually asking here?