Is it too early for me to ask him to be exclusive?

[HotPepper302]

I've been seeing this guy for nearly 2 months now... We see each other once or twice a week, and he wants me to spend the night every time, even when I'm on my period and we can't have sex, then he makes me breakfast in the morning when we wake up. When we're together, he seems to really care about me... But I don't see him as often as I'd like, because he works so much. I know that he doesn't really have time for a normal relationship, but the thought of sharing him with other women, now that I feel so strongly about him, is almost unbearable. I'm just afraid of scaring him away, by bringing it up... Should I hold off, and just wait for him to talk about it, or is okay for me to ask him what he wants? And if it's okay for me to ask him, is this too soon? Should I give him more time?

[bobair]

I'm kinda amazed you waited so long actually...

I like to bring up exclusivity as soon as we're having regular sex. Not because I need her to be my girlfriend, but because I want my sex life to be as clean as possible... no unexpected outside partners and std's and stuff.

So I say something like this (not during sex...): Hey Susie, now that we're having regular sex I think we should express our expectations from each other... simply because I want to keep our sex life STD free, if you know what I mean. Soooo... I don't NEED us to be exclusive, but I'd prefer if neither of us were having sex with other people. To be honest I'm not going to be dating anyone else while I'm sating you anyways but I'd like to know where you're at with it.

If I'm comfortable enough to be having sex with you then I'm definitely comfortable enough to be open and honest about my expectations.

She might have a different idea as to where we should be, and I am always open to discussing it.

I bet if you take the same approach you'll be fine.

Besides... if you scare him off by having an honest conversation about your relationship expectations then perhaps he's not good enough for you any ways. Right?

:)

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[HotPepper302]

We've both been tested and always use a condom, so sex wasn't really the basis for my wanting exclusivity (although it is obviously a factor). For me, this is more of an emotional matter.

[bobair]

Ya, I totally understand that. I think that as long as your reasons make sense to you, and they come from a place of love/passion/excitement and not from a place of fear/insecurities/attachment then you're doing the right things. :)

[kheserthorpe]

I don't think its too soon. If he isn't ready, he can say so. If the mere idea you want that scares him off, it wasn't going to happen, ever.

[FitGalinNYC]

It's never okay for a girl to bring up exclusivity. You should let him take the lead and be the man. I know it's hard and obviously you care about him a lot. If you want to stir the pot the next time he asks you out, tell him you made other plans. You don't have to lie and say that you went out with another guy. Just seem mysterious and don't give too many details about what you're doing. If he really cares about you he will wonder and ask you to be his girlfriend.

[HotPepper302]

Just out of curiosity, why is it not okay to ask him? The fact that I'm expressing my feelings doesn't make him any less of a man..?

[PoeticNinja]

It's never okay? -.-"

[FitGalinNYC]

I know what you're thinking. The law of the universe is that the man is the hunter. Men love hunting, football games, and a challenge. If you make it too easy for him he is not going to appreciate it. I'm not saying to play games or that he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend. All I am saying is that, as hard as it may be, have patience and let him bring it up. It works out much better in the long run. He may be having the same thoughts as you but he should bring it up.

[defytraditiongirl]

bullsh*t

[FitGalinNYC]

If you want to risk it by bringing it up then go ahead. What is even worst is that he may agree to not hurt your feelings but he will feel like he got it easy and he didn't have to work for it. Let him work for it girl! Let him be uncomfortable with the thought of sharing you with other guys. Trust me. Be patient.

[HotPepper302]

I never thought about it that way... Thanks for your input :)

[FitGalinNYC]

If the thoughts of sharing him are going through your mind, they will eventually go through his mind too. He should be worried that he works too much and doesn't have the time to see you and should wonder "what if she goes with someone else". Just be cool and try to fill up your time so you're not sitting at home thinking what he's doing when he's not with you and he will come around. I've seen so many good potential relationships get ruined because the girl acts needy. Stay strong.

[Catie101]

your feelings are equally important to his. two months is certainly not too soon. especially for the time spent together. bring it up, you have every right to and I think he can respect that.

[HotPepper302]

Thanks for your input :)

[Catie101]

np :)

[Stunned_Mullet]

Personally going from two key things you put down in writing

A: he's very busy and he always wants you to stay

B:Hes making you breakfast in the morning

All you will be doing is confirming pretty much how he's feeling anyway.

A guy will generally just assume your an item if stuff like that's going down, but if it will make you feel better to broach the subject, yeah by all means ,but sounds to me like not much has to be said.

[HotPepper302]

Aw, that makes me feel a bit relieved. Thanks for your input.

[Anonymous]

WAYYYYYYY too early. If he's that busy, he isn't dating anyone else. If you're a cool chick (and I'll bet you are), he's already loyal to you. We love ease and comfort. Doing the "where is ths going" will only pressure him to please you, then he'll resent it and will pull away.

He digs you. Don't f*** it up.

[HotPepper302]

So then when isn't too early? Or do you mean I should just never bring it up?

[Opinion Owner]

No, but 2 months - especially for a really busy guy who is being pulled in a bunch of directions - goes by in a blink of an eye. He already looks at you as his sanctuary from his overwhelming world. He's yours. Don't let your insecurities mess up a good thing.

If you absolutely exist on the talk, wait until you guys are on an extended holiday or trip or something where the pressures of the world aren't on either of your shoulders.

[FitGalinNYC]

Amen. I agree.

[HotPepper302]

That makes sense; thanks for your answer! Why are you anonymous, by the way?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know. I suppose it lets me be more honest?

Good luck and don't worry. He digs you.

[HotPepper302]

Well thanks again for your thoughts, whoever you are; they've been helpful!

[BoobMan]

Great question!

You say you've been dating for 2 months. How long have you been having sex? And how long have you been staying over? On the weekends is a date assumed or do you two still have to set it up? And do you think (or know) he's seeing other women or are you just assuming he might be?

In terms of timing, I'd say if you've been having sex for awhile, you can certainly ask about exclusivity. He may not bring it up so if it's important to you, you should ask.

[HotPepper302]

We started having sex about a month ago -- I've been staying over since we started having sex. A date is pretty much assumed on Saturday nights (I haven't spent my Saturday night without him in at least a month). I don't know that he's seeing other women, but we met online and he's been online at least once a week since I met him. However, Friday nights are boys' nights, and he works 'til dinnertime almost every day, so for him to be dating anyone else would be impressive.

[BoobMan]

Yeah. Sounds like he's just with you. But if you'd like to be exclusive you should just ask. It sounds like he'd be totally okay with it, and maybe even happy to hear you're not seeing anyone else and you don't want to.

The every Saturday night thing is a pretty good indication that you're fine. And if you're mostly staying at his place that's also a good sign.

[HotPepper302]

Yeah, I just don't get why he's still checking his online dating profile... And a few people on here seem to think that it's too soon to talk to him about it... I dunno!

[BoobMan]

Well, I've never done online dating, but maybe it's just to see who is checking him out, or maybe he's doing what you are and checking to see how often you're online. I don't think it's too early if the Saturday night date is assumed and you're having sex a couple times a week.

[HotPepper302]

Yeah, I guess I just hope he's not looking for better options, you know? Oh well... I guess it always works out with the right person :)

[BoobMan]

Well, if you're the steady Saturday girl, then I don't think it's about better options.

[HotPepper302]

Thanks! I hope not:)

[PoeticNinja]

2 months is good enough. It's not like you're asking to bear his children or anything.

Go for it.

[HotPepper302]

Haha, that's what I think! Thanks :)

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Rofl 2 months? You should of sealed the deal like a month ago.

[HotPepper302]

Haha, but... I didn't! So are you saying that I should talk to him?

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Yup.

[defytraditiongirl]

no it's perfectly fine