How to un-spoil your fiancee?

[jessi02]

I have spoiled my fiance from the get go...did everything for him like I'm his mother now I'm regreting it cause we have 3 kids and I'm overwhelmed trying to keep up with them and him. He won't even make a phone call or clean up after himself. I do it all...cook clean appts. phone calls kids school...everything...literally all he does is take out garbage and I usually have to put it on porch for him to do so..wtf...help

[velandra]

You can take this as a challenge and train him :)

like you would do with your kids.

Example:

if you want him to put the garbage out, you should tell him this like you are talking about bussiness:

"I you have the right to a clean house without garbage. I am doing a lot for this house, for this family, for you and the kids, and I would like you to take out the garbage every Tuesday (or how often do you have the need to take it out. it's important to set a time limit ! for him).

If you don't do it I will put the garbage on your workdesk (favorite chair, favorite game..figure something that would bother him. It's important to tell him the consequence.)" And then wait..

be serious, but don't act bossy! he will probabily laugh, and he won't think you are serious, but show him you mean bussines: If he doesn't do it, you have to! ponish him with the consequence you staited for him.

This part is really important! so choose the right consequences, which you are going to be able, and have the balls to do it. maybe your guy is going to be really pissed of with the garbage consequence, so you can choose your own consequence wich you can handle :) Important: you must repeat your consequences if he doesn't do what you asked for as long as it takes for him to learn. It's a long term investment.

Good luck:)

[jessi02]

has worked for last few months thank you bunches

[velandra]

:) so glad!

[Eiffelgirl21]

You need to have a serious talk with him. But, not be angry about it.

You need to tell him that marriages/relationships take two. And, you need his

help with this. Tell him you are tired and really need his help. That you cannot do this

for the rest of your life. Tell him how you feel. That is the only way.

[Anonymous]

I kinda hard to undo it once its done, sort of like trying to unspoil a child. Its hard. I guess just don't do everything youve been doing.

[jessi02]

ugh...thats the prob atm...im not doin as much and he's being a d*** about it...he was supposed to order checks for his acct and I told him weeks ago..well he didn't and is pissed at me cause I didn't remind him a thousand times. Or I told him he had to call a bill in cause he didn't get checks and he's swearing at me cause he didn't get them...but I handle all bills kids home and him and I get it right...he had one thing to do and couldn't handle it but its my fault

[theydidntnameme]

Well the problem is his perception of reality has been distorted by the lifestyle you two have been sharing. You have to make him see what is going on around him. He of course is oblivious to the fact that you do ever and that you're human. You have to sit and talk with him at length about it. It's not going to be easy. If you just stop doing things there will be problems because he won't understand. So try talking to him in depth about it

[dudeman]

But this is the nature of the relationship, if she gives less he certainley will too

[Eiffelgirl21]

I agree. Good answer. <3333 And, I MISS YOU!

[theydidntnameme]

@mandude that's why this can't be settled without words and she has to get him to realize what's going on

@eiffelgirl I agree too! B-)

[dudeman]

This is the nature if the relationship, you can't flip sh*t now unless you want him to flip his end of the relationship too, so unless you want your relationship to change for yhe worst because he will feel lile he is getting less so he will give less, I suggest keeping up with the relationship you got into or find a guy who doesn't need the things you give, but you kinda have kids already so that's not good

[jessi02]

There comes a point in life when boys become men and need to deal with responsibilities and not pawn it off on some girl who will do it for them. I can only keep him happy if I cater to him...bs...its OK to make me unhappy by being lazy?

[dudeman]

Yes put that point comes before a girl decides to have kids with him or get engaged, you're to old for this conversation, you should know you can't change people

[jessi02]

It's not about changing him its about him pulling his own weight a little more than he does...like don't leave hair or tooth paste in sink..put down toilet seat...pick up your soda can..not to much to ask nor am I asking him to change who he is

[dudeman]

Well it is too much to ask because this is how he livesand its part of the relationship, I suggest hiring a maid for an hour or so a day before trying to change the nature of your relationship