4 days, no communication. Boyfriend disappeared after argument, will he come back?

[Anonymous]

It's a long, long story. I'll sum it up.

I had been dating this guy for 9 months. I sincerely believed he was the one, we were even planning a business together. Business never became a reality, his bad/negative attitude canceled those plans and he gave up on us as a couple too. Not only that, he feels frustrated and a total loser for not achieving anything so far. He said last Monday that he can't give himself to a relationship for all the trouble in his head.

He is a very insecure guy, low self esteem, doesn't acknowledge mistakes and has trouble speaking up. I am the other way around. There was a really bad argument las Monday, he said harmful things to me, pointless bitchery. On Tuesday we went out but were tired of speaking about the subject so we never talked about the almost-guaranteed ending of our relationship. We were tired and exhuasted. I told him I'd "give him a call or something" and he said okay.

After he was so rude to me lately, I figured I wouldn't call him. I'd let him be, so he organized his head and planned for his own future, hopefully he'd see things in a better perspective and then he'd come looking for me with a simple call or text. Never happened. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and now Saturday without a word from him. Is the ending finally here? or is he sorting stuff out and I should give him more days?

I have no idea how men work.

[Pedantic]

I'm not really like this kind of guy, so I can't say what he is thinking. It sounds like he is very good at imagining things and then believing them for truth.

You said he doesn't acknowledge mistakes, which contributes to the imaginary pattern of self-deception.

He is probably throwing a pity party for himself, with himself as the main guest, the guest of honor, the host location, the head organizer, and the chief facilitator.

It is difficult to say what he will do. Are you in this relationship because he is easy to control (via low self-esteem, etc..)?

[Asker]

Actually this change of attitude happened just a week ago, it was surprising. Then a couple of his friends told me what I never thought, that he was very insecure and had always been. I suppose he acted like the man he thinks he is, but when things got serious (commitment to business and a partner), all his doubts and weakness crushed down on him. I was never there to control, I can assure you. We had been very equal in everything, paying stuff and deciding stuff.

[Pedantic]

I see. It is always a tragic thing when someone becomes overwhelmed by fear and doubt. Well, between his actions and what his friends told you, it seems you are learning a lot about this guy. Since you never saw it coming, you could consider the experience an enhancement of your ability to read others. Overall I think you benefit, but it is unfortunate that it has come to this. I wish you good luck in your future endeavors. :)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

dont give him all the control. start doing u, when he gets back do what you feel like and handle him how you want to handle. be as selfish as he's being

i hope you haven't been sitting around waiting for him all these damn days lol.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even expending energy over this loser?

[Asker]

you got a point there. I guess I never saw the loser in him, this change was overnight, I was pretty taken aback, so I wanted to give him time and space in case he solved his issues, but if being a loser is his true color, then yes, I won't expend energy on him.