My boyfriend left me without explanation. Is he gonna come back?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. In September we started going to college together and it was still amazing. Though since 2 months or 3 he changed. He has been a really quiet guy never drunk went for parties etc. I was his first girlfriend, first girl he kissed etc. First time he drunk on new year with me since then he decided he wants more and wants to party. He was more closed and didn't want to spend as much time together. We were in bad form though now everything was fine till few days ago. He came to pick me up from different city spent a night there and went sightseeing, everyrhing was perfect like a dream. Next day when we arrived to my house all was good he was telling me he loves me and missed me, though in the mornihg after i made him breakfast he kissed me said thank you love u and 15 min later said he can't be with me anymore. I was in shock as didn't expect that. He said he doesn't love me since good while tried to make it work but it doesn't. He stayed 3 hours after that cuddling me kissing me on the head said " i do love you, but not as strong as a girlfriend but more like family". He was crying so badly same as me when was breaking up with me and cuddling me so strong. Said he behaves like 17 yo ( is 22) while i am more experienced and look for sth serious and he wants to try different things but being with me he can't. It broke my heart. I asked if we ever get back he said as far as he sees NO cause he doesn't love me but yet then says he does but not as girlfriend. Im so confused and wonder if he left to see what else is out there and will come back or not? Like it was completelly out of blue especially that 15 min before break up he said he loves me.

Updates

+1 y

I spoke to his/my best friend. He was talking to him today and asked if he will he meet me. He said he will at some stage just needs some time. I asked if he highlight part " as friends" and our friend said" no not really, just said he's willing to see u , just needs time to figure out what he wants" so i kinda do see a chance there?

Updates

+1 y

Yesterday while i was away and my best friend was waiting for me he went to talk to her. She said he was in a rush as classes started but she didn't see him comming he has run to her and said " hey how is she doing is she ok?" And she said " i dnt know i meet her soon so u can talk to her " he said " tell me, im in a rush so cnt really talk also im afraid and not ready to talk yet, but ill" and took off. The fact he already asks people i would imagine is a good sing

Updates

+1 y

I have been going through the break up and trying to figure out why.. I realised i missed out one part. I am going to budapest after summer. He was claiming he's happy for me and we will make it, but that matches that since then he started to get cold with me. Was showing less affection etc slowly getting distance till we broke up. His sister asked me if i think it would work and i said yes and she said she will tell him. Then his friends asked me same question. Could that be it?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he does care for you, but, big BUT, wants to know what else is out there, sometimes when people know they have a sure thing it gives them room to wonder a bit. And college and going to new places also makes people wonder what they are missing out on. Do you guys have a shot of getting back together? Of coarse, right circumstances, time, you guys mature... but a lot of that has a lot to do with how good the relationship was before. You need to be honest with yourself and evaluate how good the relationship really was. Is he gonna find what you two had out there? Good relationships are so very rare today, people always regret when they realize that. Only you know this answer. But you need to not cut contact with him but move on. Move on in the sense you are happy, you are going to go have fun and do new things. And keep contact to a minimum. If he says hi or messages you say hi back but only briefly. He has to know that he lost the option of having his cake and eating it too.

[Asker]

That does make sense. I also think that its just the waiting is the worst part :( sitting around and hoping he will message or call and it all will go back to normal. What do you mean by " did yous have a shot of getting back together" ? There is this party my friends/his friends and him are going to on Saturday. The guy thats my best friend and his said that maybe i should go and maybe if he sees me it will get better and we will talk, cause we really need to talk bout it. I would love to go and maybe if he sees me :( like its almost a week now and he is not ready to talk in person, but its killing me and i dont know how much longer i can do this -sitting around waiting for the answers as im convinced he didn't mean the dumping part :( it wasn't like him

[Opinion Owner]

I ment of coarse almost any relationship has a shot of reconciling as long as cheating and abuse werent involved. If you go to that party, do not approach him. If you see him acknowledge him. He needs to know you are great without him. By him not talkimg to you its his way of controling the situation and making sure you dont move on too fast while he is testing the waters. Treat him like someone you use to know, always being indifferent towards him, but nice. Dont let people mess with your feelings, you let it happen once amd then it will become a pattern

[Opinion Owner]

He might not ment the breaking up part, or may have. But he did, but now is not the time to lose, act clingy, or desperate, or need to tslk with him. Now is the time to move on, and act like you really dont care if he stays with you. He will go oh shit, why isn't she calling me, is she seeing someone else? What is she doing? Sooner or later he will hit you. And thats where you keep being indifferent till he blankinly says he wants to talk about the relationship. People want what they can't have, dont what they can... but these are also the undependable people. Do you see yourself with someone like this in 5 years? Only you can answer that

[Opinion Owner]

I saw a comment below, he does not have confidence... people, girls and guys that need to do this, play games with the ones who love them, need to be fuck boys or fuck girls, its the exact opposite. It is a lack of confidence that makes them so undependable... but i think you know that about him. Outside swagger can be a huge red flag for confidence issues

[Asker]

You are right it could be that lack of confidence. I am really confused with all that. We spoke yesterday on phone was really awkward though decided we meet on Monday to talk " as friends" :( he seems like he made up his mind for at least nearest future. Shame there is nothing that can be done at this stage

[Opinion Owner]

There is something you can do, stop being so available... as soon as people see they can't get you back at the snap of thier fingures, or see that you dont get all emotional when they contwct you they will think twice about what they are doimg. No one wants to lose a good thing...

[Asker]

We had kinda a chat. I went out and saw he was out too party as. First he said " i do love u and miss you" and then we kissed. He said he cnt do it its not fair on me etc. Then we went to night club together and spent whole night there. We went back home after and he was so loving and charming as always. He claims its all his fault and i deserve better guy than him and he loves me but needs some space though will be seeing me and see how it goes. For now he said no but maybe later when he's ready

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, honestly sounds like what i said he does care/love you. But he is acting like he is guilty or something... I've been through this with a few exes. Maybe he is seeing someone/likes someone but is still drawn to you but doesn't know what he really wants... that would explain a lot...

[Asker]

Well he said he doesn't see anyone and just needs some spaces he said he hopes we get back but not yet anyway. He kisses me for goodbye and tomorrow we go for coffee together. He migjt stay over or sometime this week. I just think he's really confused and when he figures out he will come back like. His mum said " he's really weird now but i think yous will get back just give some time"

[Opinion Owner]

Just be careful, i have had what is going on with you twice... each time they said there was no one else, and would give me kisses and affection but saying they didn't want a relationship. Then comes out they were seeing someone. Turns out im pretty sure the other persons were messing with thier heads as well, not vert decent human beings either, kind of like users. But this is just my experience with this typw of behavior. Not gospel

[Asker]

I understand ya i hope there is noone and him being like that will go away. He says doesn't think so but if it changes he would be happy. He said he didn't regret staying with me either last night. I dnt want to push too hard but so want to kiss him properly etc not just cuddles and small kiss ;(

[Opinion Owner]

If it was me i would tell him that you love him and will be there for him whenever he feels ready, but keep your space till then. You really dont want to get hurt again or have him decide he wants something else while seeing you. Best of luck, i kniw this situation sucks and hurts.

[Asker]

Yeah i said that to him that im there for him and to let me know when he's ready and we can make it work. He was like thats fine ill do that. Hope it will work. But also if he really didn't want a thing he wouldn't be seeing me or staying over and all

[Opinion Owner]

That is true. Biggest thing is dont be an option.

[Asker]

I know ill keep that in mind. Today we meet for coffee and see how it goes. Hopefully it will work. Since if he didn't care he would just give up but it looks like he's also trying to fix it and fall in love again

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank u! Im done for nw... Nw is his turn to try and fix it and make it work!

[melnc]

he needs some time? for what?
It seems that you're dealing with someone doesn't realize the value of your relationship.
I understand that you loved him, but if you really loved yourself you won't spend a moment with someone feel confuse about your existing in his life.
you should worry about your feelings more than waiting for someone doesn't know what do you mean to him.

[Asker]

I know. I reacted same. What he needs the time for it was perfect etc. But guess he does. He got lost he changed so much since we first met got more confident, and now needs to figure out if me or being a f*** boy all life which he clearly isn't.

[melnc]

he didn't changed. his mask fall down and uncover the truth.
there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. when you no longer serve their purpose they will leave (this life). sometimes you lose and sometimes you win, it doesn't mean the end of your story, but it mean that you've to move on to new chapter in your life. you won't find the way out unless free yourself from what's make feel unsecure.

[Anonymous]

He sounds so confused, maybe you're better off without him in this frame of mind, he either met someone or he has something else going on with himself, you can't fix what he's broken, i doubt he'll come back and if i were you and he DID come back i would be the one refusing to take him back, it's cruel what he did to you learn a hard and bitter lesson from this, give yourself time to heal and move on with your life.

[Asker]

No he didn't meet. He said " wish u cheated or i did so you would hate me" and i said i wnt i do love you loads. He said he knows and its so painful cause he does too but not same as me. Why u think he wnt come back? I just hope he will we had something special there like :( and the way he reacted on the break up was bad as he was crying so much and didn't want to go etc. Maybe somethig else happened but i know he didn't cheat or meet anyone

[Anonymous]

Heartbreaks are so horrible. But you can appreciate that he was completely honest at this moment. It's possible to love people, but not be in love with them. And I believe that's the case here. You're still young, and one day you will find your Prince Charming! I wish you the best of luck!

[StarlightSwift]

He is probably confused about what he wants but sounds like he wants to explore. Just let him go. I know it hurts now but you'll be okay. Don't expect him to come back. I know that is not what you wanted to hear.

[Asker]

I dont expect him to come back after the phone call we had last night. Was really " cold" just saying " yeah " all the time but said we can meet Monday as friends. Just really hope he will wake up one day :(

[DarkManX]

Well firstly, there is an explanation and it could be based on several things.
1. Going out with another girl.
2. Want to have sex with another one.
3. Doesn't like your character or appereance.
4. Just want to have some fun with others girls, without hurting you.
My advice is to do not try to beg him, or cry
accept his decision if he loves you, he will look up for you.
Good luck!

[Asker]

I think its he wants to experience something else as i was his firstt girlfriend and first everything. Ill wait and see if he comes back but i dont believe he just doesn't love me just like that :( cause its so out of blue. He didn't cheat or wants others he just wants to see whats out there he said and i believe it just wonder what to do to make sure he will come back ;((

[DarkManX]

Well, if you feel so sad you can type to me in PM, I do know how you feel during this time and will support you to in order to feel better.
Those things which I've wrote to you are imporant if you want to have him back, you should show to him that you're stronger person, otherwise you loose the whole point.
Also do not act and think like an auto-pilot just be yourself, try to focus on yourself.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I do try to be strong but its difficult like i really sont understand what happened there. He does love me i cnt imagine he doesn't just like that. I didn't talk to him since he said he will come and see me soon was meant to be today or tomorrow but so far he didn't text yet and am really worried i wish he would come as he said he will

[DarkManX]

Well, I can't give you the best advice, but my suggestion is to wait him to reach you out, otherwise you will sounds desperately to him, which can push him away from you.
Currently you have to play your cards in strategic way, so don't do anything wrong, wait about the time and you will see the results.
If you act desperately, I believe the things will going to be bad, since he might reject you once more time and then you will feel even more sad, then you're right now.
Wait some time for example 1 month of no contact, if you have any questions I'm online all the day long.

[Asker]

I understand. I try to be strong. The fact that his friend that he knows for 4 years and mine for a year wants to help is a big thing no? He spoke to him yesterday and asked bout meeting me and my boyfriend/ ex said he would concinder meeting and he didn't really highlight as friends just said he needs some time and then he will, but question is if it happens is that a good sign? As he might come back then more possibly or not really.

by the way tried to priv. Message you and it doesn't work 😱

[DarkManX]

I guess you need to follow me in order to send messages it's privacy thing over this forum.

[Asker]

I did follow u, yet still doesn't work

[DarkManX]

now it's fine check your messages folder.

[Anonymous]

sweety, dont believe what he said while breaking up with you. whatever he said or however sad he cried, he still chose to leave you. because there's more in the world, more sedcutions, more girls, he wants them more than you!!! stop contacing him if you want him back, focus on yourself and your life. trust me, if he wants to come back, he will. but maybe at that time, you have found someone better. give yourself a chance. he is not worthyour effort. move on!! thats the best for you now!!!

[FV1Violin]

He has grown out of you or is interested in something his friends have he doesn't (party girl, wild girl, lesbians ect) and has overlooked how valuable you are. Or he is no longer attracted to you

[Asker]

I think it could be that, that his friends can enjoy and he's stuck with a girlfriend. Ill give him time to get over that and to realise he lost the girl that was willing to give him everything. We meet today for coffee and he says he will stay over sometime this week snd that he will be staying over but not as often. You dont do that wih someone you dont love like or want to try and fix it

[Shadow55151]

He wants to expirement with other people and not be commited socearly into his life. He is fearful that he will go deeper with you and then realize he wants more freedom for a few years.

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[Anonymous]

You're being unreasonably biased, you aren't telling the whole story and chances are you've done something to hurt him. by the looks of it you're a horribly clingy girlfriend who drove him away with your own desperation. he can do so much better than you.

[Asker]

I am telling the full story. There was no sign that we will be over. It was perfect. I was clingy maybe yes but so was he. Couldnt both go a day without seeing each other etc. So please if you dont know anything dont comment like that. Plus i have not done anything to hurt him even he said he wish i did or he did so it would be easier but there was nothing.

[FatManLovesPie]

Why are you on here? Obviously you are a bitter person? This forum is to help people not put them down cause you are cynical.

[9mfeo]

I very highly doubt that he will come back.

[Asker]

Why you think that? Seems like he wants to see whats there and maybe will realise then. We have been really happy together and it was so out of the blue that he even said. He was crying so badly so he has to feel something

[9mfeo]

Personal experience. You can love someone and know that they aren't right for you. That's what it sounds like to me. Trust me. When I was left at the altar, that's the same line of bullshit I was fed. Don't wait around for him to "realize", as you say, because you will turn into the next Miss Havisham.

[Asker]

Ya i understand but it doesn't make sense to me at all. 15 min before he said he loves me loads etc and then suddenly. he's really stubborn like me and if i push he push so i just want to give him time and he will come back i cnt imagine him not comming back as it was so perfect and its soo weird. He wants to explore i can let him do it but I don't know what to do to get him back ;((

[9mfeo]

I was in the exact same situation last year. My fiancé called me to tell me that he loved me so incredibly much but that he couldn't be with me anymore. He sobbed the whole time. He was away at grad school while he did this.

I thought of course he would reconsider and we would get back together. The more I pushed for him to come back to me, the further I drove him away. That's what you're going to do with your ex. He doesn't want to be with you. Accept it.

[Asker]

Yes but i give him the time now so i dnt talk to hum and all or push him so maybe there is some kinda cchance ;((( i just want to hope as am in such shock 😱😱

[9mfeo]

Hope all you like. He still isn't coming back.

[Asker]

No need to be that harsh.

[9mfeo]

I belong to the tough love school. Lying to you will only hurt you more in the long run. Or do you want to become Miss Havisham at the age of 22? You're free to do so if that's what you really want.

paulineconolly.com/.../...0f5ef83ae3.624x800x1.jpg

[Asker]

Well i spoke to our friend. And he was shocked too. Said he loves me but question is how much. He said my boyfriend is willing to meet after a while just needs some time alone, he didn't highlight word " friend" so there is a chance i persume

[serious]

Yes, he might come back to you. There is a chance.

[Asker]

Im hoping he will... We have been through a lot together and this was so out of the blue. Noone expected it

[apple24]

Expect the worse!

[jemanyyyyyy]

Just get over it. Not worth crying over