Why does my boyfriend pull away when I'm sad or upset?

[Anonymous]

When I'm happy, we can text/talk all night long. Considering I'm often happy, that means we're often communicating happily. When he's upset, I'll work to make him happy again. But when I'm upset, he sends a few ":(" texts but doesn't really do anything besides that... and it feels like he doesn't expend energy in trying to make me feel better but just withdraws. And when I'm sad, this just makes me sadder and angrier and I sometimes (like today) take it out on him. So why does he do this? :/

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wanted to ask this myself as my boyfriend is currently doing the same (withdrawing because I'm feeling down) except he just stopped texting me. Which makes me sadder. What's the point of being with someone if in the bad times you're left alone and are by yourself just the same as when you're single?

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but anyway, did your relationship improve in that regard?

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

Some people just don't like facing sadness, whether it's in them, or coming from other people. A lot of the time it's because they don't want to talk about depressing things because then their mood deflates.

Personally, I push it aside, bottle it up. Then when I talk about it, it comes spewing out. Not healthy, I know. But it's who I am.

[Asker]

But he likes talking about it when he's sad. Just not when I'm sad.

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

That's the thing. When he's sad; talking about it makes him feel better, but when he's happy and others are sad, talking about it drags him down. Ultimately, it's selfish.

[Asker]

But see I don't want to see that as the reason behind this... :/

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

Don't worry, it could be a subconcious method of self defence, self preservation etc.