My boyfriend has been stressed lately, and asked me to leave him alone ? but I want to help and support him

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 & 1/2 years. We met when he was stationed in Hawaii, and then I moved with him to Texas where he is from. He just got a promotion that requires us to move up north. The problem is he has to pass the academy first. He's passed it the first time so I have full confidence he will again. We also had car troubles, along with a tornado hitting us last week, In addition he bought me a puppy two weeks ago. So I recognize we are going through a rough patch. He suffers from PTSD, so I feel like it's my job as a good girlfriend to help him. He refuses to talk, or hang out and says he needs space. It's not like him to push me away although he does do that to his family and friends. What should I do ? It's tearing me apart. I hate seeing him like this.

[DinaColada]

You guys have a lot going on, and he needs a breather, give it to him. If a guy wants help, he will ask for it. If you are "helping" him, he might feel inadequate and emasculated. There are ways you can talk to a guy. If you want specific things to say to him in certain situations, drop me a personal message.

Love,

Dina

[Anonymous]

Well when guys are stressed they just want to be left alone, so don't think that there's something wrong with you. :) you shouldn't shut out, but don't ask him if he needs help either just let him know that you will be there to help him out and support him.

[Asker]

Thanks !

[DinaColada]

He needs his "Man Cave" time!

[stercor]

Don't "Help with a vengeance."

Respect his boundaries, otherwise you might find out something you didn't want to know.

[Asker]

I'm not revengful, I just try to talk to him and he doesn't want to talk. It's weird because we have been there for each other through many obstacles life throws at us. We had several items destroyed in the storm so I know that is a bummer, but would something that scary bring people together not push them apart ? I feel alienated.

[toulouse]

support, means supporting him, he way he'd like to be supported. not the way YOU want to support him. if he wants space give him space. are free to break p with him. are not free to cross his boundaries.

[Asker]

we live together though. So I try I even tell him to go have boys night. He doesn't want to do anything just play games lol - I have always supported him with everything. I am not looking to break up nor do I think he is. I think right now we have so much going on all at once it's too much for him. I ask what I can do to take the burden off of him, and he says nothing things are just constantly on his mind. What's a girl to do, sit back and watch him have a melt down.

[toulouse]

when I'm stressed, I really want to be alone, to sort things out. not everyone does, but a lot of people do.you can, like the poster below ad let him know you sort him. but don't keep badgering him. talking about problems, is helpful, but not at all times.an if he wants to have a melt down, he's allowed. don't be so scar of his feelings. its who he is, ealing with what he's going thru. if you keep trying to 'help' hi, hell sense your freaked ot.the best support is a person being calm & non jugmental

[toulouse]

And, I was not saying you should break up. I was saying you need to respect his wises, just like he has to respect yours.you don't get to decide how he handles his stress. you don't have to be with him. but if you are with him, you have to respect him. because he's your partner(not because he's a guy, in case you misunderstood).if you keep trying to help.. hell think you can't handle hm going through stuff. I would.its IOK, to be stressed, unhappy, sad, angry, sometimes. takes time to work through it trust the process.

[Asker]

I appreciate your answers and I have carefully considered what you are saying. I am just the typ of girl who is always happy and have a smile ear to ear. So when the person I love is upset it's in my blood to want to help him. It's not intentional, this is something rather new for us because we usually have really solid communication. Perhaps that is why I am taken back by all of this recent depression. I will back off and let him come to me, seems like that's the best I can do.