My boyfriend doesn't want me to wear bikini?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is Muslim and was raised in India

I was on a beach with friends and he saw our photos in bikini , he said me to promise him that I won't wear it anymore .. I won't promise it of course, he became kinda upset.

I don't understand why it's so big issue for him ? I don't do anything wrong , everyone wear it.

I'm 8 months with him and have feelings for him don't want leave, but I don't want to quarrel because of so stupid reasons , how to convince him ?

[Pedantic]

Unless you plan on converting to Islam, being with him is going to give you many spiritual and cultural difficulties like this.

If you do not give in and ask him to give in, you are asking him to give up his beliefs -- how could he have a proper girlfriend doing something so inappropriate? Likewise, if you give in, then what about your belief in the freedom of choice? What about your right to define your own standards of what is or isn't appropriate?

These concepts are at odds with each other, and when it comes to matters of faith there really is no "compromise" because a comrpomised faith by definition is no faith.

Another words, either he goes or your bikini does (along with your right to judge your own clohting as acceptable/unacceptable). If he's really great, you may be willing to make that sacrifice. Or not. Its up to you.

[TheUglyOne]

She doesn't sound like she is and I don't blame her for it either.

[Asker]

I won't make this sacrifice, no way. Because I don't tell him what to wear , I'm free person I'm not his property that he can decide what I wear. And I don't do anything wrong wearing bikini going to a beach, I like swimming and getting tanned .

Maybe he could sacrifice his " stupid" belief for girl he loves?

[Pedantic]

I'm not a fan of Islam anyway, so from my smug overbearing western perspective, I'd just say dump him. Wear what you want and you are not property. For the sake of objectivity though, I should mention that those who hold their faiths deeply, not casual people of faith, the faith is more important than love on the value scale. Another words, he may rather live miserable and alone and never know love than to violate his faith.

But yeah, I'm on your side here :) Wear your bikini! :)

[TheUglyOne]

Don't count on it, Asker. But if you know if he drinks, that might be an opening for you maintain your rights to be a western woman while still keeping this man. A Muslim man that drinks has lost his moral standing to whine about his girlfriend wearing a bikini.

[TheUglyOne]

You didn't do anything wrong of course. But in Muslim culture, bikinis are a big no-no. And he seems firmly committed to his faith. You aren't gonna be able to convince him without making him compromise his beliefs, sorry, you just won't.

You probably won't leave him, he'll probably leave you, the divide between both your values is too great.

[Asker]

but why Muslims culture says so? it's just stupid. They ( Muslim boys) can wear revealing clothes ,a dn girl have to hide everything, is this really good faith?

[TheUglyOne]

yep, there is double standards. Western ideas of gender equality haven't penetrated Muslim culture. And your boyfriend is clearly orthodox, which means little to no assimilation of Western values, strict adherence Islamic values. Which means he'll demand obedience from you. Liberal Muslims wouldn't care about you wearing a bikini, but a devout one will.

BTW, if he drinks alcohol, he's a big fat hypocrite and shows bad character!

[Asker]

He is Muslim but he doesn't observe all rules.

He drinks ( not many anyway and rarely) and he can have sex before marriage , he doens't pray 5 times a day ( not even once a day) doesn't go to mosque ..

if he could break this rules why can't he accept me wearing bikini? I don't hurt anyone doing this

[TheUglyOne]

Haha yeah, that's what I'm talking about! He's not just breaking two BIG rules (fornication & drinking), he's flaunting all the rules of Islam.

Remind him of that, asking him how he can violate his religion and still insist you, a non-Muslim, adhere to it. Just FYI, Islamic rules require women to dress VERY modestly.

Far from hurting anyone, a young beauty in a bikini is such a pleasant sight.

[Gramkabir]

I was just asking these questions to you have but you've already answered... if your boyfriend doesn't follow the basic rules of Islam then he's a hypocrite... leave him at once... I'm a Muslim guy but I don't follow all the rules and I don't mind if my wife wear bikini... and guys lets criticise Islam before know it very well... everything has a reason for every rules...

[soe11]

I agree with you, but my girlfriend is Muslim from SEA her family got no problems wearing any outfit in public as well wearing micro bikini on beach and swimming pool.

[Anonymous]

He loves you and he wants you to be for ''him'' . You can think of it as he is trying to control you but it is not about control. But it is hard to understand this in western culture. I am a Muslim and I would cover up my whole body when going into the pool for my wife if she wants to . I am for her yes only and she is for my eyes only.

It is a different level of jealousy . But it is also a different level of commitment. If he is demanding this from you then he is serious about you . But you can make a compromise with him.. just don't nullify his feelings because as I said.. he actually cares about you .

[Anonymous]

It's Not A Big Deal,I'm Also Muslim But I Never Say To My Girlfriend That Don't Wear Bikini in fact I never stop her for anything,if your boyfriend has lot problems with you so why he didn't be with a Muslim girls,well is so lame excuse,say him that everyone has it's own living style and culture,if he'll be like that so he have to face many problems...

[TheUglyOne]

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

It's a religious thing for him.

If you're not a Muslim yourself, or if you're not as strict as he is about your faith, you need to explain that to him, calmly. Explain that you're going to live your life according to *your* beliefs, not his.

Many orthodox Muslim men, are used to thinking that women must also obey the males interpretation of the religious law. So an orthodox conservative male is not used to having a woman say no to him, and not obey a strict dress code.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a noticeably curvaceous body that would attract attention?

[Lee1515]

if it was me i break up with him

[soe11]

Rightly response

[soe11]

Tell him if you love me you must like how I wear.