My boyfriend said that I can only wear a bikini when I'm with him?

Question

I told my boyfriend that I might be going to Thailand with my parents, and asked his opinion on certain swimsuits I should buy. He said that I cannot buy either of them because my breasts would "fall out" of them and that because I have an hourglass figure, I cannot wear it. He then said that he cannot give me "permission", to which I replied that I don't need anybody's permission if my parents are fine with it. He then told me not to disrespect him and that some things need to be approved by the partner. Did I really disrespect him?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Your boyfriend is setting boundaries and expectations, AS HE SHOULD. Would you want him hanging out with a bunch of girls in bikinis while you are away?

Your boyfriend understands that a girl in a bikini might as well be carrying a large sign that says "Please hit on me and sexualize me." That's exactly what other guys are going to do when they see you, and whether that's politically correct or not, it's going to happen.

When you get into a relationship, you have an obligation to avoid doing things that will put your relationship at risk. That applies to him as well as to you. He shouldn't be out drinking at bars, or going to clubs, or going to strip clubs, or hanging out with other girls - even if he did those things before you got together. Those things would put your relationship in danger - it's WAY too easy for bad things to happen - so he doesn't do those things in order to protect your relationship. That's what you should be doing as well.

Obviously he can't MAKE you not wear a bikini, but he can certainly decide to end your relationship if you choose to do so. He's not saying this because he's trying to be controlling, he's saying it because he knows how other guys are going to behave. It's no different than telling you not to carry raw meat through a lion preserve - it's not because he thinks you are evil, it's because you can't control the behavior of hungry lions who are very, VERY likely to attack you to get what they want - and might eat you in the process.

If you aren't mature enough to understand how this all works, then you aren't mature enough to be in a real relationship. Part of being in a relationship is that you have OBLIGATIONS to the relationship, and those obligations mean you can't just do whatever you want like you can when you're single. Choosing to be in a relationship means you are CHOOSING to make certain sacrifices, just as he is. If you can't do that, fine - tell him, and expect him to end the relationship. Then you'll be single and you can do what you like - though the lions might still eat you.

PA19062024 · Accepted Answer

Oh god, what an asshole. He's trying to control you. You don't need anyone's "permission", and certainly not  his,  when it comes to your choice of clothing. Tell him to mind his own business, and if he persists with his idiocy, just dump him.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Oh… controlling guy who tells you when to wear your own stuff? What next? Will he tell you when you can eat and sleep as well? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Tell him to take his permission and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. Moron.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

You don’t need his permission. He needs to respect you by getting the f over it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, love, let's unravel this beachwear brouhaha! 🏖️ First off, your autonomy should never be up for debate, especially when it comes to your wardrobe. It's about what makes you feel comfortable and radiant in your own skin, be it in Thailand or anywhere else in the world. Your boyfriend's insistence on giving "permission" is less about a beach outfit and more about control, which, trust me, is a red flag 🚩 waving in the ocean breeze.

Feeling respected and being in a supportive relationship means having a partner who cherishes your independence and decisions, not one who wants veto power over your swimsuit selection. Disrespect? Sweetheart, you simply stood your ground. Remember, your body, your rules. A relationship thrives on trust, respect, and a bit of sass; not on control. Maybe it's time for a serious chat about boundaries and bikinis. Stay fabulous and true to yourself! 💕

CountryWanderer · Answer

No. Dump this dude, that's a huge red flag that he's controlling you like that. Get the bikinis, and have that fun without him.

The mature way to do it would to be to have a sit-down with him and tell him that you're leaving him because of how controlling he is.

If you wanted to be petty, you could: get an extremely small top or even go topless (that and even fully nude is allowed at many Thai beaches); or you could comply to the letter and get a top that covers your chest completely (something with a turtle-neck front, maybe, or short sleeves), but then pair it with a tiny thong bottom. With that latter option, you've covered your cleavage, which was his complaint 😉

Seriously though, break up with that dude, he'll only be more controlling.

Makeushiver · Answer

Ahhhh, did you get together with him trying to find a new boyfriend or a new boss. I think you should get the sexiest thong you can find and wear it day one of vacation.
I'm not sure where he got the impression that dating does not mean he has any authority over you. Additionally, his =saying that probably the result of some very deep insecurity Tell him if he gets the right to request- not order- you to wear/not wear you should hbe allowed the same authority. In which case I would get a paper shopping bag and tell him he needs to we are that anytime he leaves his apt.

meepmeeperton · Answer

I think it's normal for guys to be concerned about what their girlfriend wears in public, especially when they aren't around. This behavior is conditioned to be seen as "controlling" but I think it's actually more protective. He doesn't want other guys ogling you and appreciates your body being for his eyes only.

Anonymous · Answer

He can’t force you to do anything. Though he can choose not to be with you anymore.

He has every right to find the kind of woman he wants to be with. But he doesn’t have a right to force you to be that girl.

It depends on your reasons for wearing it. If it’s because it’s the most comfortable to swim in. That’s not a problem. If you’re wanting sexual attention that’s where it could be problematic

Twalli · Answer

He doesn't trust you. I don't care idmd my girlfriend is the masturbation image for a lot of guys. She's not with any of them. So why would I care I'd other guys lust after her? I've listed after the girlfriendsof other guys. I never sought to be with thrm though.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Not sure I would be keen on someone telling me what I should wear and when I can wear it. I would consider these to be really big red flags suggesting he is really insecure and uses controlling behavior to resolve his insecurities.

Anonymous · Answer

No. You didn't disrespect him. He sounds like a controlling jerk. You can probably expect him to try to control a lot of aspects of your life. Either shut it down now or you probably need a new boyfriend.

HawkPerception · Answer

You did not disrespect him at all. He's a manipulative control freak. This is a HUGE red flag and I would honestly encourage you to break up with such a toxic guy.

Fireguy17 · Answer

He does not control you or what you can or can not wear. That is a huge red flag, and he has issues that are starting to show up. It will only get worse.

EmmaMary · Answer

Give his permission? Tell him to go to fucking hell.

Kiss_Me · Answer

Wear what you want, but be cautious of the attention you receive.

spartan55 · Answer

No, you didn't. You should have laughed at him when said that nonsense.

HusamRocks · Answer

Forgive him for being jealous Go be disrespectful on Thailand beaches ⛱️ 😂

HotManPlayboy · Answer

No, he disrespected you. He is jealous because your breasts are nice and your body is sexy, unnecessarily exaggerated

dragoblack · Answer

Dude is majorly insecure, thinking another guy is going to make you cheat on him, and take you away. It's time for him to grow a pair and be an adult about it and trust you.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

He probably just wishes you wouldn't fucking ask him something, you probably already know the answer to. Even if you didn't, you still did it, just to "piss him off", didn't you

LiamJHayden · Answer

Do what works for you. If he objects, you and he are probably not right for each other long term anyway.

Staximus · Answer

Tell him he can to go to the park and fuck a tree if he doesn't like it

Dongie · Answer

Tell him to shove it.

noohair · Answer

Permission? You got the wrong guy.

nawtee_me · Answer

Controlling isn’t he? Find another….

RavVid · Answer

Yes you did.

Anonymous · Answer

Where in Thailand?

My boyfriend said that I can only wear a bikini when I'm with him?

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