Do all relationships eventually reach a plateau?

[Anonymous]

after a year, I guess that's what you could call it...like nothing new is happening and you are stuck in the same old routine. my boyfriend and I are stuck in a rut mainly because of him switching jobs and not being able to afford to do anything. we don't go out to eat. I cook most of the time and he stays the night at my house. he is stressed and it affects his sex drive. so that's blah too at the moment. we also used to see each other daily pretty much but this new job keeps him away during most of the week. I hate that. I feel like I'm in a long distance relationship because we have to talk on the phone more and see each other less :( its hard when it wasn't like this a few months ago. sounds selfish, but I feel like everything is going backwards. I feel like its going nowhere, like something should be happening but its not. I've never been in a serious relationship so I can't tell if its just a phase due to the situation or I'm just getting bored with the relationship or it is fizzling out. it just feels like all these things are happening and making it harder for us to stay together. we are both trying but we can't seem to balance his job, my school, and our lives in general. is this the point where we re-evaluate and decide to continue? I love this guy and I can see us getting married so I don't want to just give up. but I also want to be realistic, is it a waste of time to keep going. we talk about marriage, getting a house, living together etc. but its not happening and right now we both can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. he's talked to me about this too and I just encourage him even though I have the same fear. I'm pretty sure I'll stick it out with him because I love him I just was curious to see if anyone else has a similar experience and can offer some advice.

[Pedantic]

No, not all relationships reach a plateau. I can say so on the authority of my own experience. I can also say they hit some really rough ground sometimes, and those patches that won't be fixed by just "talking about it", well, it can take a couple of years to pull through. I find it interesting you are considering marriage, because your current situation, while not permanent (school will end for you someday, right?) - is a nice taste of the types of difficulties you can find yourselves in.

The good news is if you two do pull through for some reason, you both will not be wanting to repeat the negative experience, and may coordinate your life plans and stress levels with more care.

There are things you can do to improve the quality and the rate of change of your relationship in the interim. It can take quite a bit of dissection. I did mention "talking about it" -- think of it more as a painkiller than a cure, but there are things that can be done to relax and reduce stress, warm up the bedroom and such.

Financial hardship is a great strain too, especially if you both are accustomed to going out. A cheap substitute may be to take a video cable and attach your computer to your TV, and stream some video with the computer set to fullscreen, and watch it on the TV. Cuddle up on the couch with some instant noodles... and ... well, it's not exactly a nice restraunt but maybe you both can bring back the dating feeling without the monster pricetag.

Conflicting schedules are not as easy to fix. Class scheduling and mandatory work hours have a little wiggle room (pleading with the boss, stacking class times, etc..) but at the end of the day it will only go so far. Just do your best and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Yep! Next thing you know, one of you cheats on the other.

[Asker]

i don't think so. I'd break up with him if I ever was tempted. I haven't really found someone I like more than him, haven't even looked. I don't think he would cheat, I don't even think he would ever break up. id be the one who would have to call it off. so I feel terrible about thinking like this because I think he thinks everything is fine.

[Opinion Owner]

So even if you guys were together for the next 15 years, had a family etc and you were bored in the relationship , another guy came along which you really liked and he liked you back, and you knew something was gonna happen between you two, would you still break up with you him when you cheat and risk breaking up your family or would you keep it a secret?

[Anonymous]

for everyone money (or the lack of it) is a dominant factor controlling our daily lives and there is

no escape from this fact. I'm sure your boyfriends situation is common everywhere these days with couples struggling to make ends meet financially and enjoy life with the energy they have left. its tough not only for younger people but also for older people who have put in many years

of hard work and effort. when we were born nobody said 'your life will be easy every day and you will be constantly happy' if only ! all relationships face problems and challenges and we have to be positive and deal with them as best we can. if you love him stick with him and good luck to you both !