Why don't people respect relationships?

[assley]

like girls/guys that will flirt with someone even though they know that person is in a relationship. guys at my church still flirt with me knowing I am with someone. they see me with him every week but still try to contact me. I personally never talk to guys that are in a relationship just out of respect. an ex of my current boyfriend still calls him, leaves voice mails, and texts him about how she still loves him and needs to talk...AFTER 2 YEARS. on Facebook she is still friends with his mom and his cousin, who I have become friends with. I know she sees our pictures and that we have obviously been together for almost 2 years. my boyfriend could care less, she lives in a whole other state and will never bother us, but it still erks me that she can't just let him be happy. do people know how desperate and shady this is? seriously why do people insist on trying to impose on relationships?!

[Anonymous]

That's unfortunate, sorry you have to go through this. But you respecting other people's relationships is very encouraging.

Those guys in your church are succumbing to the nature of the flesh. They need to realize what's happening, that it's a problem, and that they can overcome it. They should be aware of verses like these:

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28).

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1st Corinthians 10:13).

Keep reminding them that you're in a relationship and that it's wrong for them to flirt with you.

In terms of your boyfriend's ex, he should set some boundaries if he hasn't already. If she is a church member herself, she too needs to be aware of the fleshly nature and what she can do about it.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints (Ephesians 5:3).

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2nd Timothy 2:22).

Hope this helps. :-)

[assley]

this girl lives in another state. I've never met her. he just ignores her. but she still periodically has to butt in. I'm not married so maybe it doesn't seem wrong to the guys that knowingly still try to make advances.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good that he ignores her. Communication is a two-way affair, so if he ignores her, then that's very good. If it continues, perhaps your boyfriend needs to send a blunt message to her that her communication attempts are wrong and unwelcome, i.e. if he hasn't already. If he has done that already, then I'm not sure what else to offer right now. Hope this helps :-)

[Prof_Don]

This lack of respect for relationships is such a phenomenon these days. It seems like if you tell someone they're taken, they brush off those words and pursue you like you never said anything. :-X

I think this is part of a vicious cycle...ppl see relationships-boundaries not being respected.

Just take a look at a thread search about questions about flirting in relationships. Literally about HALF of people (guys and girls alike) say that it's OK to intentionally and openly flirt with others when in a relationship.

[assley]

its really horrible...and you wonder why divorce rates are so freakin high

[DishLady]

AHA, that is a very old question. There's an old expression from back home, when people are inexplicably attracted to something: "There's honey..." It's not quite desperation that makes them do it, but the fact that good people are few and far between and a guy/girl looks like a great commodity when they are clearly making another person happy. The observer starts to think "Hey, I also deserve to be happy!" and makes the illogical leap to flirting with your guy. Boundaries like "boyfriend/girlfriend" or even "fiancee" don't count to these people. In fact, many times even the sacred bond of marriage itself gets crossed. There's no real excuse for it. The "home wrecker" is mentally ill/unstable.

[assley]

those people better watch out lol when we go out if we have a girl waitress, half the time she flirts with him. maybe because she thinks he'll tip her better. but that sh*t makes me want to throw down.

[DishLady]

Waitresses//bartenders are *supposed* to be friendly; it's not meant to be taken seriously at all. If a customer has the poor taste to flirt with the wait staff (while on a date or with his/her SO), then it's really on them -- and a big red flag to the person sitting across the table.

[aliciaxx]

Guys go after taken girls because they want to think of themselves as the better choice, which the girl validates by potentially choosing the new guy.

The great part of this is that if the girl leaves her boyfriend for that kind of guy, she's a crappy girlfriend, and so is the guy for trying to pursue her in the first place. Then two crappy people can be together instead of a good guy with a crappy girlfriend.

And if she is like you and just shrugs off the crappy guys, then two good people can be together.

[Coffinspire]

You would think that if they can lure this girl from her boyfriend and then they got her, what makes these guys think the same thing wouldn't happen to them? Good for you for sticking by the man you love and being mean to those a**holes that think you can do better with them.

My bfs exes from freaking middle school want him back to this day and he's freakin 22 now! It's ridiculous and girl will flirt with him right in front of me! I just sit there and let it happen because he'll tell them off.

[risingphoenix201011]

Lol because she's not right in the head. Funny thing is I'm dealing with something very similar except I'm in your bfs shoes. My ex lives in a different state too and he still bothers me and begs me to come back and professes his love to me and I left him almost 2 years ago as well. But he's a psycho, and she prob is too. So just don't let it get to you, she creates her own misery.

[assley]

i have an ex like that who I finally was able to block. last time he called me was from the local mental hospital. he was looney toons! that's been a while and I wasn't seeing anyone when he did it but it was years of periodically calling/texting/stalkerish sh*t.

[risingphoenix201011]

Yup, same with mine. What makes it worse is he's my sons father so I pretty much gotta deal with him for the rest of my life...

[Anonymous]

Because it's not THEIR relationship. Also, the groundwork for a lot of relationships is put down while at least one of the people involved is with someone else. The more desirable a person is, the more likely this will be the case. Think of really hot girls you know who've never really gone more than a week or two at a time without a guy since they hit puberty. Guys know that you don't find those girls single--they're usually in SOME sort of relationship with some guy, but it may not be that serious. It's not for me to decide how serious her relationship is--I just make the case as to why I'm fun to hang out with and she makes the call.

[assley]

im not like that. I don't guy hop like an attention seeking whore

[Opinion Owner]

That may be, but there's no way for a guy to know that until he chats you up.

[awaken03]

it's normal for you to feel that way, as long as your guy doesn't entertain the EX or giving chances for her to get closer with him is ok..she is the past and your the present now is what is important..as long as the trust and commitment is not tainted with lies things will go well

[assley]

he totally ignores her, so it makes me even more angry. like she knows he won't talk to her but she still tries. I take it personally. like she just wants me to know she is always there stalking the living sh*t out of us. UGHHH lol

[awaken03]

well that's really lame lol..just shrug it off..she'll get tired unless she is a psycho lol

[throdd]

It is more decent to be how you are in a relationship=off limits, but not everyone has that decency. I mean there is one girl I know that I wish would want me but she's probably too decent, so she stays distant, and I'm crazy about her

[Jase95]

People who flirt with other people in a relationship do not like when this happens to them (someone flirting with their significant other). It's rude and disrespectful, people are selfish in general and most people lack morals.

[Konnour]

It's a greater pleasure to attract a girl away from a guy than to attract her while she's available, it feeds the ego.

[assley]

so dumb. but true, sadly

[Konnour]

There's a sayin: "What do you mean by saying "you're taken"? When someone will offer you a Lamborghini you'll also say "no, sorry - I already have my rusty Opel"?"

[aliciaxx]

The problem with that is that the person trying to say he's the Lamborghini is really the beat up Opel. If they think that they really are the better choice, they would be confident enough in themselves to pursue a single girl instead of needing to feed their ego by pursuing the taken girl and telling her she has bad taste in men, which is sort of a paradox...

[Konnour]

There are no paradoxes and intentional ego-feeding, it's all simple: Want a girl - have the girl!

Nobody goes intentionally seeking taken girls and hitting on them, however when you happen to hit on one, not backing off and making her now you're worth it actually is a sign of high self-esteem, that you are aware what you're worth - fading in darkness every time a girl says "sorry I'm taken" is pathetic.

[aliciaxx]

But what guy wants a girlfriend that leaves her current boyfriend so easily by a guy with high confidence?

[Konnour]

There's always competition. Although the respectful attitude of "not crossing the line" and "having a bro-code" creates an illusion of safety - it never really is there - competition is always.

I'm not sayin you should always push into the face that there's someone better, but that's a fact which we can't deny.

[Konnour]

Let's pretend you're taken, but your boyfriend has started to let himself go - he becomes fat, unkempt, not going out anymore and drinking beer & playing video games all day, and becoming very edgy, argumentative, and no longer is romantic and sweet to you.

Then there's a new guy hitting on you, who gives a great first impression and deep inside you know it's not very likely he may take the same path your current guy did.

What shall you do? Say "No thanks - I'm taken?"

Your choice.

[djbreal87]

Just cause there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score :)

[assley]

ha ha ha

why can't you just find another damn goal lol

[djbreal87]

lol I do, its just a funny saying a friend told me once, but people always want what they don't have, pure and simple

[assley]

yep like when kids want a toy as soon as someone else is having fun with it lol

[djbreal87]

Thats why raising your children with "NO" and "Don't" and "your not allowed" just maked them want to do it, tell someone they can't have something, and they want it, same with relationships. If I see you with someone else, and I even remotely liked you, I'm gonna want you lol

[Frostie]

They don't respect each other. It's not like you live in a society that cares what happens to you.

[assley]

good flippin point. shame.

[Little-Hippie]

Because f*ck your agenda.

If you cheat, that makes you wrong, not me.

I'm single. Now you.

[asianfreak]

There are tons of answers, but perhaps because lots of people are selfish, untrustworthy, snobbish, among others.

[Anonymous]

Truthfully you are cute and that may be why, also lots of guys say that she is not taken if there is no ring on her finger

[assley]

yeah I get that about the ring stuff. I don't think that way so I'll just keep being mean to those guys lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well guys just don't like accepting no so just lat out tell them it will never happen

[Anonymous]

Because people think there's still a shot, even if it's the smallest chance.

[assley]

i guess. I don't like competition so maybe that's why I'm so annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Because of Jersey Shore.

srs