Why is he keeping me in relationship limbo?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been under a lot of stress recently so he feels he needs to relax from a relationship right now and focus on other problems and to "do his own thing". He does still contact me almost every day but tells me he feels uncomfortable when we hang out and that he doesn't think things will ever be the same. I am not sure why I am being strung along. What is the deal?

[Flusher67]

We can only speculate on this website of course, but it sounds to me like he wants to end this relationship. When people are under stress from other areas of life (work, family etc), I would expect them to turn to their partners for support, rather than wanting to "relax from a relationship".

Feeling uncomfortable when you are hanging out does not sound right either (though I don't know the true context of his sentiment.) Is it just the two of you hanging out when he is feeling uncomfortable, or are there other people with you at the time? Also ask yourself what activities you are doing at the time, as they might have something to do with making him feel uncomfortable.

Ultimately though, "relax from a relationship" and "feeling uncomfortable" are signs that he would like to end it, but he can't be completely straight with you (afraid of hurting you or whatever reason).

It's not fair that you are being strung along, and it might be time to have a frank discussion about if he want to stay in a relationship with you or not.

If the outcome is "no", your reaction will depend on things like how long you have been together and whether you have children or shared assets? (The relationship will be worth trying to save). Or have you just been going out a short time (It might be time to part ways amicably while you can).

Even if you love him lots, it's not worth trying to stay in a relationship with somebody who wants out.

Good Luck and hope I am wrong.

[Racez]

He's just holding you around if he can't find a new girl for himself.

[Asker]

He isn't known to move from girl to girl, or actually date. He has relationship and connection issues in general. It was a big surprise that he was able to have me as a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

It seems like he doesn't have the guts to make a clear cut. Like he wants to keep the door at least ajar so that he can go back in case no other door opens. There are people who aren't able to let go unless they have someone new to go to. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you, so half-heartedly stays around. This is paradox, of course, since he IS hurting you.

Honestly, you should stop talking to him. This isn't only about how he feels uncomfortable or whatever, he is causing you pain in the process. It is not only about how he feels, how he needs to do his thing, you are a human being as well. He needs to stop being selfish and taking what he wants from this relationship. I recommend that you stop talking to him.

[Asker]

He told me he knows he is being selfish so that is obvious. He isn't the type to move to another girl because he has problems with relationships in general. He is more of a loner and isn't typically known to date.

[BrownBunny]

Sounds like you need to ask him "if you want to be with me then be with me and if not then let me go". If you feel like he is stringing you along then for your own heart and mind you should close the door. He may call you a few months down the line to say he made a mistake. See where your head is in all this. I've been in a situation a little like yours and I had to let go. I felt sick but It made me feel better after a while.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he is not ready to be in a realationship..period.

[Asker]

We've been together for exactly a year. I think he freaked out when he hit the one year mark.