Girlfriend vs. Friend with Benefits... I never make it further?

[Anonymous]

ok.. so I can give advice, and I'm great at it. I think I know what I've been doing wrong.. but I'm getting kinda depressed, and moody to men who are/were my friends that I use to hook up with occasionally. It's like I'm the perfect friends with benefits, so perfect that I stay along in these guys lives past high school and now 6 years later into our college graduations... but I personally tag a long for hopes of a relationship...and them I don't know.. so every few years I get depressed after things seem not to move anywhere..and become sad because I feel like I'm predestined to always be a friend with benefits.. I don't get it? they say men like bitches, I'm just not one of them. I suppose I give too much to a friend with benefits but I don't know how to not make a guy feel like he's the center of my world? lol I don't know. what am I suppose to do or rules am I suppose to follow to get a relationship. I mean there's guys that want one...but they have gotten annoying to me, I guess me and them just don't click. I want a relationship, I want to be in love with someone who loves me back, and I don't know.. most of all I want that feeling of when your with that person the world stops... I want that feeling but I want it to be justified through their actions as well. hmm who knows.. any advice? lol this is probably one out of 19891 million questions like this.

[Deeplove55]

Your always just fwb's because you allow yourself to be, your givin in to the sex way too early so the guys think they can just have sex with you because its easy. if you want something meaningful, you have to stop allowing guys to have sex with you so early. Put your foot down and discipline yourself to get to know each other first before sex happens. if they come to you and say I want to have sex, you say no. I don't care if they say they really like you cause if they did, they can wait for the sex. And how do you dress? if you know you wear cloths that are revealing you, then of course guys will come at you wanting that. In order to get respect, you have to gain it first. SO everything that you were doin before with guys that lead to only sexually relationships, don't do them anymore. All you have to do now is change your thinking. Stop saying your only a friends with benefits cause they treat you like that. You know its not who you are. You are girlfriend material. You just need to refocus yourself. Key: Get to know a guy first emotionally before physically. Period. No sexually charged convos but still be opened. Pretty much, present yourself as a lady and no sex until you all have spent time together, go out on several dates and when you are ready to, not him. Guys are always gonna try tho but that doesn't mean they want you to say yes. they like a challenge and the good guys will stick around if your not easy. Its all about self control if you want a guy to see you more than just a good time.

[voodoochild]

I really hate it when girls think of sex as a reward for good behaviour for men.

I'd leave her like that but I can imagine allot of guys hanging around lol.

In my experience, this only makes guys get p*ssed at you but they will pretend they still like you but after they've slept with you will leave just as fast lol.

[Deeplove55]

Well, men need sex and we know that and no its not right that we use it against them when they make us mad but y would we want to sleep with you if we are mad at you? we wouldn't want you to touch us if were p*ssed. And it is a reward because our bodies should be a gift not just givin away because you want it. Plus, we are not respected by most guys for giving it up so quick so if we want that respect, you guys must earn it. So it is a reward.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice.. and it means a lot you took time to write it.. but because of what I want.. true love.. I'm not changing myself.. when it comes to how I dress etc. lol no one approaches me in that way anyways.. I'm very artistic and dress how I feel maybe like a hippy who knows.. but the guy I want will be secure and ok with it.. lol its only one guy who stays around.. I mean id have my pick of the others.. but I've cut them off a longtime ago. lol. thank you for the positive thinking tho

[greeneyeslostnfl]

I just noticed this .. you say that "we give in to the sex too sooon" however the guys are pushing for sex almost right away so that makes it ok? If you don't "at least do something" they think you aren't into them! So what's the right thing to do?

[greeneyeslostnfl]

I understand this ... I have been the friend with benefits before sure sometimes it is worth it .. has its place .. but does it do damage yes it does.. I like you want to be in love, have a relationship .. I have done everything I can gain weight lose weight change my hair you name it... sometimes its never enough ... but you have gotten used to being that FWB ... that means no kissy stuff in public you don't go to weddings and holidays. You don't even snuggle while watching TV or have meals together ..

I have to tell you that because I have been so closed off physically to that part of a relationship that I get uncomfortable. Any man that just wants to sit and hold my hand has me wanting to ask why because to me its not normal ... so now I am detoxing from that environment hoping that something else will present its self ... good luck and hang in there ..

[Deeplove55]

Its hard to make that transition when your so used to it but not happy in it at the same time. Like many girls, we wish we can get the whole package good huy with a little bad in him that wants a relationship, something meaningful. hard to find that. She knows exactly what she wants. She just unsure on what to do to get it. So, girl, don't be a fwb's type anymore. You are more than that and try not to be picky with a guy you feel is a good guy. All have faults and if you want something real, discipline yourself and say no more.

[Anonymous]

From a guys perspective, you are confusing. It doesn't really sound like you know what you want. On one hand you want a relationship and on the other hand you say, "I don't know. what am I suppose to do or rules am I suppose to follow to get a relationship. I mean there's guys that want one...but they have gotten annoying to me, I guess me and them just don't click."

It sounds like you want a guy around that loves you, but you don't want the relationship. Guys like different things. However, one thing is pretty consistent. Most guys that actually want a relationship, like a whore in bed but not a whore. If that makes sense. Have you ever been with a guy that wanted a relationship, but slept around with a lot of different women? Some guys want the stability of a relationship, but don't want the monogamy. That's what it sounds like you are saying. It just doesn't sound like you really know what you want.

[Deeplove55]

She saying the guys she meets that do want a relationship, she is not into them or not her type by the way they act but the guys she does like and is her type she wants a relationship with, they don't want it. She's attracted to the bad boy types but don't necessarry like how they treat her when it comes to relationships but she likes their personalities. The good guy types are usually boring guys and different. She wants a good guy but she's picky and doesn't know how to make that change like said

[Asker]

I want a guy around that loves me. is what I want.. but I want someone that I love too. and I guess I'm just picky because I don't like "bad guys" lol I just don't want to settle with someone cause he likes me lol.. I want to like him too.. I mean its possible right for both people to have initial feelings?lol I've been in relationships before.. and those ex's still would be with me.. I just I don't know.. want to find love lol and I guess no one really has that answer or rule book lol