Why is she afraid to take the next step?

[showstopper227]

I dated this girl months ago, for a month or so. We stopped dating because of numerous reasons but mainly because she felt 'no spark'. I even stopped talking to her after the whole "let's be friends" speech. We have grown considerably closer since our then. We're in our mid-late 20s. She and I have occasionally to hold hands, kiss, fool around, etc. in the past month or two. We had a talk about 'us' but she says she is the "turtle" in this race. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. Yet, she says she does have feelings and cares a lot about me. If it's meant to be, it will happen is her way of thinking. Well, we slept together a few weeks back and recently again. She hasn't had a serious relationship in years and hasn't slept with anyone since. Her last relationship ended badly and she admitted to being afraid of getting hurt. She does not want to be in that situation again. I really care for and like this woman. I am not trying to 'pressure' her as she was thinking at one point. I merely am trying to understand why doesn't want to take that next step with me (relationship). As much as she wants to take things slow, I swear at times we act as though we are in a relationship. What will it take for her to jump off the edge and trust me? Even though, she says she does...

[sylviakiss]

Give her time if you can handle it, though It's gonna be extremely hard on you. But you have to work for her, also she has do lots of inner work to sort her problems out. I think her past relationship had traumatised her which affects her ability to attach. Happened to me in the past as well, I experienced the same. Then years later, when I started a new relationship, there were 'no spark' at the beginning but later it turned out to be a long term, emotionally comfortable relationship. The guy didn't give up soon and then we were together for 3 years. I can reccomend you the same, being in a similar situation like your gf.

[showstopper227]

YES, it's beginning to get hard on me and I knew this would happen. In all honesty, I find it unfair that I have to "work hard" for her given her past. We've all been hurt before, albeit some worse than others. I do believe she is worth the time and effort to wait for. What would you call/consider us right now then? I have a very difficult time in trying to label and understand what we are. Thank you for your kind advice!

[Solitude]

I agree with Yeahhbro.So sorry for being brutally honest.

Wow,you slept with her more than once and both of you love one another but not in a relationship and act as though you are in a relationship?Why are people so strange nowadays?I really wonder what the definition of relationship of people nowadays is.Maybe I'm from a different culture(Asian)?

[showstopper227]

You're telling me. I completely agree with you...to me our actions sounds like a relationship.

[Picopa]

Why aren't guys like you in Florida? Why do you like her so much? Are you willing to wait until she's ready?

[showstopper227]

haha, Florida would sound nice. I like her a lot because she's actually real. She is emotional (good & bad way) and is very caring. I like that she has a quirky personality, great sense of humor, and is very smart. I am willing to wait until she's ready despite her saying "don't wait for me". Call me crazy but I am going on gut instincts here...

[Picopa]

They have a saying that if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, you know it's real.

[Yeahhbro]

She doesn't like you Enough to be in a relationship with you. Personally I think she is just using you for emotional fulfillment and attention nothing else

[Anonymous]

JUst be there for her always and assure her that your not going anywhere and all you want is to be with her.

[Anonymous]

her past