How to "Define the Relationship" with your best guy friend?

[Anonymooos]

So me and this guy, let's call him Anthony, we've been pretty close friends for about a year now. I never really saw him in a romantic angle either, and didn't really find him attractive at first.

He was just that one super platonic guy friend who I would talk to a lot about other guys with and just whatever was going on in our lives at the time.

But recently (about 6 months or so) we've gotten a lot closer. As in talking daily on Skype for hours and hours, once from 5pm to 9am. He's the one who drives an hour to pick me up from college to drive back to our hometown. We spend our weekends together, and honestly the more I spent time with him the more attracted I was to him.

For the past few weeks now however, we've gotten even morrree close lol. Like intense cuddling/spooning during movies, he'd have his arm around me, and just like straight hugging in bed lol and just talking. But nothing sexual or anything like that, we haven't kissed or anything.

I know for sure that he likes me a lot since he's told some of my really close girlfriends. Enough so that he wouldn't mind NOT being in a relationship because he "despises the thought of losing" me. He's even expressed his anxiety at the pressure of making it 'official' because he feels like he should be the one to do it. So I know he wants to do something about it too.

--

But right now we're just in this very awkward place where we don't really know where we are. Like one night we'd be cuddling up a storm, and the next it's like it never happened. Talking to him hasn't changed, but not being able to mention whatever THIS is, that's in front of us is just...idk... weird because he'd usually be the one I'd talk to about these kinds of things. lol Plus we just had a whole hypothetical conversation about "oh if you're girlfriend/boyfriend were to do this, what would you do" kind of thing and it was just so...weird lol.

So how do I even approach this?

It seems a little anti-climactic that after all this dancing around it just ends in:

"So...what are we?"

"Idk...I guess we're together?"

"I guess..."

kind of thing lol.

What dyou guys think? And has this ever happened to you?

[Paris13]

Hope you don't mind my input as a "fellow gal," sweetie. I don't see any "guys to the rescue" right now, so allow me to be the first.

Everything I am seeing here spells out: Compatibility, comfy and cozy, trust, loyalty and even---love. You both have what it takes to start a "real relationship," and actually, you may be in one without even being aware of this, you have been in this friends with no benefits thing, and it seems to be working. Many couples, who just start out between the sheets, never have a chance to have what you both have, because they never give themselves a complete chance to know one another besides physically. You both have had a chance to know one another "chemically mentally", which makes this a perfect spark to something more explosive for now going into "Phase2" of your relationship.

However, I realize you both are scared you could ruin what you have now, to further down the road, what you really want to begin NOW. But from where I am sitting, you are actually "already there,' to sort of speak. You just haven't "sealed it with a kiss" just yet.

My advice is, stop over thinking, stop "planning and preparing" and putting so much thought into this already "perfect possibility,"sweetie. You both have it all at your very fingertips, for goodness sakes, so just let it---goooooo... Let that "magic moment" just happen for the two of you.

Life is a big gamble, as we all know, and love is no exception to this rule. It's a chance we all have to take, but if the chemistry is there, and I can see with my own two eyes that it is, then don't be afraid to just try. You have it all NOW, so the music doesn't have to stop just because of one kiss. One moment in time, that one kiss, could either "dance the night away or yes---seal your fate. No guarantees in life but death and good ol taxes, as they say.

Just let things flow. Keep up the good work and--hard work--you have put into this "once friendship-suddenly turning into more". Instead of trying to find just the right words, and planning it all out like some musical in a play, may be you yourself can put a little extra into"cuddling / spooning during movies nite." Maybe turn down the volume, turn up the stereo, and, well-----"dance around until the music ends."

I can almost guarantee, being in each others' arms," someone or--both---will make that first move to "part lips" and never think of "parting ways," cos, yes..."We're together.":))xx

Good luck..Ooops, I spoke too soon... a guy just opened his mouth here, but I just set him straight, too...

[lananoel]

Ask him what he wants and stop acting like a child. These guessing games are totally going to cause hurt feelings. The conversation should go like this.

"What do you want out of this relationship?"

" What exactly are we?"Being blunt cuts out all the wasted time and hurt feelings. If he can't answer you or half ass/ bullshits the question then get your tissue ready you are going to need it.

[Irisflower23]

Please just date him. Whatever happens, happens!

Im going through a similar thing right now. I kinda like my guy friend but I'm talking to someone else and then have someone else waiting for me... Its so confusing. BUT, my guy friend would be number one on the list because he's just perfect and amazing...

but for you, Tell him how you feel and What you want out of it..

[abzence]

The minute you define something is the minute you limit it. Because when you say something is "this" then it can't also be "that".

Many times a thing is both "this" and "that" and a little of "that thing" over there as well. The problem with defining things is also that many people have a hard time redefining things they already have defined. This also why the common "friend zoning" happens. Because once they have defined you as a friend very little will make them redefine that.

The need to put labels is also many times the fear of "what if I think this way about him and he thinks that way about me. That would be horrible! I must hurry to place both of us in a comfortable little box and make sure we always stay in there!"

And even if we do such a thing and think we are in the same box or on the same page we many times are not because our labels are defined differently for most of us.

So in essence. Your labels mostly mean things to you and you alone even if you might think that others agree with your perception of things. When it comes to emotions people are generally very scattered.

You are fully capable of knowing yourself and understand what you feel without limiting your perception of things. It will actually make things much more simple for you.

[Bluemax]

Well, I think there is chemistry here and I think you are over thinking this.

No matter what he's told his friends, he's into you. I'll wager he has a crush and might even love you. If that's true and you never felt like you could love him, then the friendship is probably doomed to failure anyways. Yes, friendships do occasionally blossom in the friend zone, but that is far more the exception than the rule.

So, if he's into you but you're not into him, there's a good chance the friendship is doomed but you're wasting his time and his heart. If he's into you and you're into him, and he is a genuinely good man with whom you have chemistry and affection then there's a shot and something very precious, now isn't there?

So, for God's sake, if you have no chemistry (but I think you do), then let this guy get over you by limiting your contact with him since the friendship is likely to end anyways (friendships in the friend zone are rare). On the other hand, and I think you know this is true, there probably is chemistry but you're scared. That's OK, but don't allow your fear to prevent you from having something very wonderful. Don't want an anti-climax? Try wrapping your arms around him, lock eyes, and kiss him...

[Jsonason]

Does it matter if it's anti-climactic? The important thing is that you work things out right? There's no prince on a white horse in real life.

[Paris13]

You're right, sweetie..she has the prince, doesn't need the---steed.::)xx

[Jsonason]

Exactly.

[kovalinkie19]

I think you're both in love and too afraid to take the next step.

[primitive]

thats so adorable

and he's respectable.

DATE HIM ALREADY don't torture yourselves.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

What do you want. Do you want a romantic relationship with him or not?

[lolipop11]

Please, JUST TELL HIM.