Over the next 3 years I always dreamed of when it would finally be MY turn to smile really big from a guy loving me! He would take all the sadness from my heart and fill me with happiness and help me see that I'm JUST AS GOOD as the other girls no matter what! The sadness from my teen years would finally be over and I would be loved and feel special because God made an extra sweet guy just for me! I dreamed of how it was going to be when he took my virginity and gave me a super happy memory I could look back on and smile about for the rest of my life. It would finally be MY turn!!!
And then when I was 17 I met a 26 year old guy on Facebook and he really liked me!!! I found the extra sweet guy God made just for me because God wanted to see me with happy feelings too for once. It just ALL MADE SENSE!!! I had hurt super bad all through my teens from being treated mean. I thought God would want to balance it out! So I moved away 500 miles to be with the man of my dreams who will make everything ok.
But no he wasn't my extra sweet guy that God made just for me. After I kept telling him I'm not ready to give him my virginity he woke me up raping me. He stole the most precious moment of my life from me. Now instead of looking back on my first and smiling after 9 years I look back and cry. I can't stop crying. It's been 9 years and I'm all alone in my room crying because I'll never have a big reason to smile. I'll never have a first time that I was ready for with a sweet guy who thinks I'm just as good as the other girls. I'll never be a wife or a mommy. I'll NEVER be normal or even remotely good enough.
This might be lengthy. What transpired in your life can similarly be measured by others if they went through the same process but ultimately they will NEVER feel your anguish, humiliation, hurt, embarrassment and the lust goes but hey all of us get into good/bad situations some more/less than others. Knowledge is power and it helps immensely but as we know we may have all the ingredients but it's when they are used that reaps the ultimate value. We can heal I know you don't want to hear that but not necessarily a lecture but a foresight into seeing life period not through anyone's eyes but the overall sight I see blue you see blue they see blue all confirmed except the one that says it's green is it green? No one knows what you went through the closest you'll get are people like me who are knowledgeable, humble, down to earth. The guy you may hate because you're getting the truth not someone else's truth but the ultimate truth. You came out of this not unscathed but not damaged enough to let it take over and dominate your life and behavior. You will heal, believe in you I do and there's more in the world it's just everything requires work. If you're lazy nothing gets done. Take baby steps find out about you, be with people who dont give you attitude create issues, final result drama and the overall repentance of shit. It can be lonely but guaranteed you will be a stronger person for it and can be a driving in supporting all those who have a different life style from the traditional one which wasn't 100%. Overcome your fear do it right and you have nothing to fear do it wrong you'll either question yourself why it happened or just throw in the towel. The fact you're here and I'm here justifies the truth. I can comment and you can get real info that makes sense to you specifically. In order to have 100% you NEED all of you. Do it right the people you have you will never have to question. Do it wrong you'll keep questioning what's going wrong? We all feel justs that we dont all feel the same way about anything and everything. Now it's your turn. . . .