I’m Kind of Failing Right Now in Ambitions? And Maybe I Don't Mind?

[HighlyVolatile]

I studied Stoic philosophy in my mid-20s which helped me a lot to find inner peace and calm and joy.

But especially in the past couple of years of COVID lockdowns, I don't see the point anymore. I eat, I work, I shit (somehow the shits seem longer and more memorable now; today I did two shits and they seemed extra long and big), I sleep, I go out (barely these COVID days), and it's all become a routine. I don't have a drive.

What am I supposed to do, you know? I still find the same teachings bringing me inner peace and joy but it's actually pissing me off that I'm so cheerful in a way. I don't like that I'm content... at least without seeing a bunch of people's faces and interacting with them that I can't do now in Japan. All I see are masked faces. I can't absorb people's spirits!

Where is the energy I once had to set the world on fire if the world resists? Have I become a hippie? Where's my fighting spirit? Maybe I lost it in cookbooks trying to make something delicious. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. It's all the same old thing. Is this a mid-life crisis thing?

Updates

1 y

I'm cleaning the stove right now because it's getting greasy. I got a gas stove still. Maybe I should switch to electric or induction. But it's all the same thing. At least I got something to clean.

Updates

1 y

Can someone just throw me into a jungle for a month? Like maybe with an ax and a lighter because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. But I think that would be something if I don't die. At least it's not routine for me! :-D Anyone else feeling that way?

[lightbulb27]

Stick with the gas stove... electric is terrible.

I think you need to learn to pray and heal people, thats recorded in the bible.

Try "Bengston method" of healing if not religious, see if it works.

you yearn for some new challenges... how about walk across Japan... or the world for some great cause. I've been cleaning up the environment by picking up trash, recycling what I find. Motivating others to do so, my country is full of poorly disciplined brats, so it's a mess on the roads. there you go.
My other idea is to plant wild flowers all along roads, and maybe work in some fruiting trees. If we have a problem with global warming due to too much co2 in atmosphere, then plant more trees which suck in co2 and produce oxygen. so plant trees... everywhere... there's an animation story about that... the "lorax".

[SmokyOne]

Felt the same way while the pandemic was in full swing. Actually a big part of why I broke my sobriety of 5 years. Just. Needed. Something. Exciting and familiar? Knowing the anxiety of the huge gamble with the comfort of the state I felt most alive. The most me.

It's maddening.

Used to cause lots of trouble
Now im.. domesticated.. it's like 2 versions of myself at total odds with each other

[HighlyVolatile]

I got the split version thing as well!

[SmokyOne]

It's a strange feeling, it almost feels like a sudden onset personality disorder

[Mrsposh]

I'm feeling that exact way right this very moment. Actually I have been feeling like this for a long while now, it's like the spark within you just isn't there anymore. Nothing feels good ( doesn't feel bad either), it just feels Flatlined🥲
.
I'm wondering if it's because of age or if it's because of this whole covid thing!
Or maybe Life is getting boring because things and technology has made us pretty lazy, heck I don't know lol lol

[TrueConfection]

I have felt that way. It might be age. I was wild and free until I got married. It took a very long time before I felt complacent and even now I get the itch to be my old self again.

[HighlyVolatile]

Do you have that feeling of being so slowed down sometimes? Like my wife is so great. It's not because she's not that I feel burdened by her. It's because she's so great. But I can't move independently of her so much as a result. Maybe if she wasn't such a great wife, I'd feel freer to move far away. But I love her so much that I can't just set a burning path and follow it on a whim.

[HighlyVolatile]

I know, like "welcome to love." I sort of knew it upfront. I just didn't anticipate this routine feeling over ten years ahead.

[TrueConfection]

"Slowed down" can mean different things. I feel more like a bird with clipped wings. Someday my feathers will grow back.

[midnightmoon05]

I am totally opposite!! Call me crazy!!
few years. back I told @lightbulb27 I need to tame my ambitions. He said… he can’t see me doing that… I struggle to be tame… Within a year, I turned our world upside down. He went from bing single over 50 years. to being married me - the crazy wife… with cars and houses.. okay… what’s next… well more to come… want to join? 😻. Actually… maybe we come to Japan next year and talk about some cool/crazy ideas..😝

[lightbulb27]

👍 cool 💡

[Anonymous]

school is a lie

college is a lie

GOD Christ is above the dome

https://www.youtube.com/embed/LMr6Qb0_5kM

[Andres77]

There is purpose.
There's always hope.

[Andres77]

Plan a trip, camping would be theapeutic

[HighlyVolatile]

That's a great idea! Maybe I can do together with my little sis. She just came to Japan this year.

[Andres77]

Are there many camp sites in Japan?

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm completely ignorant about it and the ones I've been are very safe and mundane that way, like camp next to waterfall and catch fish and cook over grill and sleep in a wooden house. It's all set up so nicely for tourists.