How do I discipline my son without spanking him?

Question

I'm a conservative christian and always knew I'd be a traditional wife and I'm happy with my marriage except that I'm not allowed to spank my son. My husband doesn't want him to think a woman has authority over him. Yes the Bible says men have authority over wives but it also says mother's have authority over children. I can't get this through to him and my son is unruly and I don't know what to do

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

He's what you do:

Stop being a Conservative Christian.

Your instincts are right.
4 billion years of evolution have honed those very instincts.

Don't go to war against nature; you lose.

==========

OK, I said my piece.
Now, to your real situation.

THIS:
"My husband doesn't want him to think a woman has authority over him."

Well, your husband needs to get his head out of this holier-than-thou ass.
That statement you wrote implies:
1. You have NO ability to punish the boy.
2. That kid is going to grow up very fucked up.
3. And that will get him into a world of shit because, in the real world, women are authority figures. Your boy needs to learn that fast because, if he doesn't, he's just going to be a screw-up in life and a MGTOW/INCEL MAGA rioter.

Do this:
1. Confront your husband and ask him how his mother dealt with his misbehavior.
2. You can say this to your husband if he continues you can't do anything: "Fine. The ball's in your court. Deal with that boy, but if you don't, then you have to deal with me and you're not going to like that."
3. Punish the boy subtly. For instance, refuse to do good things for him or obstruct him at every turn. He wants to watch TV? Unplug the TV or hide the remote or whatever. You don't have to say you did anything; just do it without him knowing. Kids aren't stupid and in the long-run he will know that you are pissed at him. This will open a window for dialog.

=============================
I don't give a shit what the Bible says because the Bible says a lot of contradictory crap and there are so many different Bibles, you can pick and choose whatever one you want.

BUT, the real world rules and, unlike Jesus, it is not merciful. It will eat you up and spit you out unless you learn its rules and play by them.

And, in the real world, one of those rules is this:
If you're an asshole, you're going to get punished.
Frankly, you live at the mercy of everyone else.
So, if you're too much of an asshole, we'll get together and kill you.

Continue along this men-rule-over-women horseshit and that boy is going to grow up being a screw-up with women and their men making your boy's life a living hell.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

So the husband isn't coming home and beating the kid's ass just for looking at you wrong... right? And I bet the kid is doing something that deserves it. You should have rule over your children... if the kid needs a ass beating then it's your job to give it to him or you're going to suffer worse in the long run from your own kid.

It kind of pisses me off at your husband. It's like bringing a pitbull into the house... pitbull has to respect him but not you. He shit's on the floor and you can't do shit... will turn into you can't even pull Turkey out of the oven without the pitbull trying to force you to give it to him by intimidation. And once that size is reached... all control you might of had is gone. That day will come when he's not there to yell at the dog to back off... dogo might not back off at that point.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

No authority over your own child? Is he your child or your husband's possession? I love my husband, but I draw the line at the well being of my children because no one else in this world is going to care for them like their mom.

Either your child is going to grow up with consideration and compassion for others because you and Dad both instilled those values OR he'll walk all over his mother and learn to give the big F U to everyone. You're not doing your child any favors by allowing your husband to make those kinds of final decisions.

curiousaboutthis · Accepted Answer

Just put him in time out. tell him to go to his room and think about what he has done. five to ten minutes later go to him room and ask him why he did what he did, then make up with him. if he is REALLY bad then take away something important (but not too important) for a short period of time. This will work If allowed.

Anonymous · Answer

Good luck. Most boys don't fear thier mother and boys have to have a bit of fear to be disciplined. I always knew my father loved me. But growing up as a kid my father always had a commanding presence and an authoritative voice. All my friends were scared of him. I never feared my mother. And when she would spank me most the times I just squirted a few tears because I wanted her to leave me alone, not because I was afraid or it hurt. But if she said she was going to tell my father, that would put the fear of God in me lol.

So I guess my advice would be to tell him that you're going to tell his father. See how he reacts to that, and go from there. If your husband is the disciplinarian you guys really need to work together on this, after all you're a team.

jshm2 · Answer

Firstly is he "unruly" out of mental illness or because of something being denied? If the latter then speak to your husband and see if it's reasonable and within budget.

The bible also asks that you deal with kindness and justice. A child doesn't know any better than to act out, it's your job to get through to him and teach him better.

Jackblue · Answer

That is sick, I don't condone spanking children at all, but it is not more right for one parent to do so, if one parent spanks him both can. Your son will need to learn from female teachers and perhaps work for a female boss. I am sorry, but your husband is not a righteous man.

Solitario_94 · Answer

Your son is seriously going to have a difficult time if he has to work for a supervisor who is a female. Your traditionalist husband is not thinking about that.

I'm a male and my mother used to spank me when was a child and I respect women more than I probably would because of it. He's a child, he's not God.

exitseven · Answer

I never spanked my kids. I made them lose privileges and gave them lectures that were supposed to make them see that whet they did was wrong. It was not a perfect solution but i wanted to raise them in a non violent home.

all_hayl · Answer

“Not allowed” to spank YOUR son? Which Bible have you been reading? This sounds like a rather twisted/convoluted interpretation of scripture.

AviatorTom · Answer

As a mother, if you think a spanking is the appropriate correction for your son, then do it. Your husband doesn't control you.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Your husband is a fool. It's your job to discipline and if your son keeps acting rebellious and out of control then you need to spank him now or else he will become totally uncontrollable once he grows up without no discipline nor wisdom.

William7489 · Answer

Take away his cell phone or computer. The Internet is everything to kids now.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Tell him to spank the child then. My moms spankings were child's play compared to my dads anyway.

888theGreat · Answer

no cell phone, no video games, no movies, no going over to little tommy's house, no cartoons.

JohnK123 · Answer

If u need boy kid help haha pm me. I went through it lol so Ik. But yeah only like old school parents spank

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Yes, I understand. His father AND mother should have authority over him until adulthood.

grega239 · Answer

Thats your husbands duty.  Make him do it

Anonymous · Answer

So your husband Cheery-Picks what he chooses to accept as a Christian. Take away your son's Cell Phone or Game Console for a while.

Summeroflove · Answer

Spare the road and spoil the child…….

OfDeath · Answer

Maybe pepper spray would work better.

EaterPeter · Answer

Emotional intelligence?

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Take away things they like toy's

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