Ooooohhh weeee!!! This topic loves to get hate and people shouting at you without giving a proper opinion. To make it more exciting. Im not going anonymous feel free to swear and curse at me and tell me I'm a bad person. And see if you find the irony of that.
Okay so my view on this topic is simple. I do not believe spanking (normal way, not sexual) your child is abuse. I was. My siblings were. My parents were. My friends were, and we are far from emotionally damaged people.
We care for our family and friends. We hate to see someone get hurt and we respect our elders.
Now I will admit to one thing. This form of punishment can definitely be abused. In that you can be too rough or too intense or do it for anything. Even small things. That's when it becomes physical abuse to me and that's horrible.
But whenever I did something very wrong. I got 1 smack. Maybe 2 and it hurt and I cried. But everytime without fail my parents. Dad or mom would tell me this hurts them more than me and they do it out of love. And I fully believed them. Thank God I wasn't sent to my room. I had so much stuff to do there. Wouldn't learn a thing.
A spank is a quick form of punishment which is easily to translate into being a punishment. It's sore and you don't want it to happen again. That's how I learnt what I shouldn't do. And no they didn't smack me and leave. They explained what I did wrong and I faced the consequences. Many techniques of discipline work for kids. This was mine and if you think you able to tell me if my parents loved me or not or if im damaged that's just laughable.
I reiterate. This form of discipline can be abused and done out of anger or hate. But that's something wrong with the parents mental state. Not the form of discipline. Anything in this world can be a taken too far.
I also find the abuse of children horrible and terrible. But if you can't see the difference in this. Then that's on you.
It's Child Abuse You Should Be Ashamed
It's Just Another Form of Discipline If Done Right
For me I don't know how you can hit your own child, hear them screan and crying, and then be okay with the pain you have cast upon them. I was addopted at 4 years old with my biological baby sister, but I was ripped away from my other 3 siblings. And they say when you adopt a child you NEVER hit them because they already came from a broken home and mostlikely have many parent issues. Let's just say in my new home as a child I always wanted to fucking die. The horrible things my parents did to me in the past just left me hating them with no emotion at all todwards them. When I was adopted, I knew nothing. I didn't know what Christmas & other basic hollidays were, I didn't know what books were, I didn't know other foods besides cereal existed, Hell I didn't even know what school was. (ect.) They told me the reasons for my beatings was because I did everything just to annoy them, as if I did EVERYTHING on purpose when I knew nothing. All it did was cause MORE problems. My parents beat me and then wondered why I started doing the same to my brother and sister, and other children smaller than me. Teaching a child through violence only teaches the child violence. Expexially when they come from a situation like mine. I was hit with a wooden spoon, belt, fly swatter, flipflop when I was in a wet bathing suit, they tucktaped me into a trashbag and forced me to go to the bathroom in it for 3 days, theu cut off all my hair, they let my cousin hide my closet and made me go upstairs with the lights off in complete darkness. I layed in bed while my cousin scrached and clawed at the closset door acting like a monster. I layed in bed scared shirtless. THEY FUCKING KNEW I WAS PETRAFIDE OF THE DARK. My "mother" forced me to eat dish soap and I rember the exact words she said as I was gaging, "If you throw up I'll make you eat that too." Who the fuck says that TO THEIR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN! When my parents hit me it was never effective. I didn't learn anything from the beetings. I layed in bed thinking and sometime crying, wondering why my parents hated me. This is why I am against spanking/hitting children. There are other effective no prehistoric ways to discipline children.
When I was younger, my biological father LOVED to throw around āiāll spank youā or ālet me get the beltā however, he never did. My mom on the other hand, NEVER laid a hand on me ever. When I did something wrong when I was a kid, she would sit me down and talk about it with me so I knew what I did wrong. If I did it again, sheād do the same thing. Sheās very logical, and I think thatās why she never wanted to spank me or physically punish me like my biological father wanted to. Thankfully, she always screamed at him and told him to never lay a hand on me, which iām thankful for.
I donāt know if I was a special case, and I was just obedient to my parents from the start, but because of how I was raised and the type of atmosphere I was put in, I never felt the need to do bad things often. However, my biological father was an alcoholic and I never got to see him often, even though they were still married and he was living in the house with us. My mom never wanted me to know about his wrong doings and I only found out when I was 13 all of the things he did in the house when I was 7 and 8 years old.
I never had the impulse to exercise bad behavior. I donāt know if it was because my mom was logical and didnāt want me to experience what her mother put her through (putting her hand over open fire as punishment, slapping her, etc) But iām very thankful that I was never given spanks or slaps when I was a child.
I believe that spanking or other forms of physical abuse not only makes the kid scared, but also doesnāt go on about the actual thing they did. Itās almost a cop out for not talking to your child in a civilized way. Kids are smart! And they can understand a lot of things, instead of just reaching for your slipper to beat them with. :)
It really depends on the person and their state of mind when spanking. In I and my siblings case, it was 100% discipline, and I will discipline my children the same way. My dad (the disciplinarian) always talked to us beforehand to know why we were being disciplined and gave us a hug afterwards and talked more about it if we wished.
Furthermore, spankings were rare. We didnāt get slapped around for every little thing, nor were we hit anywhere besides our bum. I know it hurt my dadās heart to do it, and let me tell you they put up with a lot (too much, in my opinion) before the spanking came. Spankings were to teach major lessons after we lied, stole something (I think I was the only one out of us three that stole something as a child) cheated, disrespected our mother or other form of authority, etc.
The result? We are a very close-knit family. We love our parents dearly, we respect them, authority, elders, each other, wouldnāt dare steal from anyone, we are tender-hearted and love fiercely among other things. If I had to do it all over again, better believe Iād choose to be spanked. I was a stubborn kid and would have turned out way differently without the guidance my parents gave. It didnāt take our voices away or cause us to have violent tendencies. Thatās ridiculous. Iām proud of my upbringing (as are my siblings) and thankful to my parents for raising us up to be good children and sending well-rounded adults into society.
Spanking out of anger (abuse) and out of love (discipline) are two very different things. My parents lived by this and I will do the same when I have children :
āTrain up a child in the way he should go : and when he is old, he will not depart from itā - Prov. 22:6 (KJV)
Well to be completely honest I don't think that it's a very good idea at all. Spanking isn't something that ought to be incorporated into one's lifestyle even as a last resort. It's downright child abuse since the child cannot do anything about it. There are some relationships in where this is consensual but in this case the child doesn't have a say in the matter. They are your equals. Treat them like one. If they are being spoilt then speka to them about it like an adult. Tell them that they've done something wrong and that it isn't right. That always worked with me and my parents have never laid a hand on me out of anger or discipline. Whatever the problem was we talked it out at the early age of 8. And before that I was well, I was a happy child who had no problems whatsoever in listening to my parents. Obviously not everyone is the same but that doesn't mean that the technique doesn't work. If you talk it out with your child, well they feel more loved and cherished. Like your seeing them on the same level and you do not have any power over them. That they are the same, you and them. They'll definitely appreciate you more and love you for it. It teaches one to be kind, gentle and that... Well violence is not the answer ( whatever you say it's something physical so it can't be denied) According to psychology experts spanking can cause permanent damage. It can lead to children believing that they are not loved. Not all, but there is a high chance. Now you probably wouldn't want your child thinking that would you? I definitely wouldn't. Not in a billion years.
I'm a Christian. I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up with my dad reading Proverbs and the Psalms to us kids in the morning.
Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."
Proverbs 23:13-14 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
I believe spanking, when done by a loving parent who puts the well being of their child before their own relief, to be a good thing and a means of training up a child in self-control and self-discipline.
I don't really care what studies may or may not show. I know what I've experienced as a child. People who start with the assumption that spanking is abuse may well claim that I have been mentally or emotionally damaged because I think it's okay... that is simply poor reasoning. I know that it isn't abuse because I went through it. I grew and matured. I learned to do what was right and respect those in authority over me. I learned that actions have consequences and it taught me self-control. I never once thought that my parents didn't sincerely love me. I was angry and frustrated at times but in the end I always knew they loved me.
Some parents treat spanking as a quick fix. "I don't want my kid doing that so I'm going to spank them as soon as they've done it." This is abuse. To do it out of anger or frustration is simply abuse. But to do it out of love as a training tool to say that "this bad thing can only hurt you." That is love and I intend to love my kids.
Its possible to tell a child they being abused since they a child. They won't know exactly what it is. But telling an adult or a teenager they were abused when they have full understsnding on what abuse is. Is funny to me. Someone telling me I was abused or my parents were lazy so they spanked me when I was naughty.. It's laughable. They never met my parents. I tell them how Im against violence I don't use it in arguments and i care and love my friends. Yet they somehow know me more XD
Yep it's kind of ridiculous. I've been told I don't know how many times (in response to my saying that I was spanked as a kid and I turned out fine) that I'm messed up in the head because I think it's okay to abuse children. That or I DID turn out fine and you're just wrong about it inherently being abuse xD
I love this! We grew up in the same type of household and my parents adhered to those same scriptures. Wouldnāt ever take it back and plan to raise my kids the same way. Iām just really hoping I donāt have a child as stubborn and strong-willed as I was. Itās going be real fun if so haha
@BreeBird007 I feel you there xD In hind site I must have been an absolute pain at times (at least if what I've experienced with my nieces and nephews is anything to go on). xD
All research done regarding this issue has shown negative effects for the children. It's not only about the emotional effect but it also teaches the child how to behave and how to deal with things in a negative manner.
I'm currently studying children's development psychology in university, where we learn about behavior and the development of children. I'm not going to go very deep but what is very clear is that any physical force is negative in the long run and you are playing a bad lottery with an unnecessary risk of damaging your child for no reason.
Physical force will never have a good impact no matter what. It doesn't matter if you turned out fine. There are many others that don't. It's not something necessary to do and it won't teach them anything other than that using violence on those that are weaker when they make you upset is what you do.
Psychologists and psychiatrists very often disagree with each other but in this matter everyone working in psychology are united. That should be enough to convince people that it's very unnecessary to do and if your parents did it you don't need to try and protect them it has already happened but know we know better and we don't need to continue something just to prove that our parents didn't do wrong.
Studies and research is how we have developed everything in science, medicine and much more. Studies can be criticized but if many studies with a large sample shows the same results they should be trusted until other studies shows differently.
Like I said everyone in the field of psychology are agreeing on this and there are huge studies with thousands of participants to back those studies up.
Well that doesn't mean anything. It's maybe maximum 20 people you are talking about compared to thousands. Also you don't actually have anything to compare with and you don't know if there have been any effects or you personally see those effects as normal.
I understand your argument but it's just not valid.
This is not to try and say they are bad parents or bad people. It's just something we have to not do ourselves because it genuinely serves no purpose. You can discipline and teach a child without any physical force.
It's just very easy to continue what you already know but with time and education it will stop.
That argument doesn't make any sense. We used to beat our wives and women in general for centuries and we still do in a few countries, does that make it right? just because an action is actively made it doesn't make it right or good.
Why are you trying to defend this? I understand it's personal but you shouldn't take it that way. There are many people a lot smarter than us that have spent decades studying this while you are talking about people you know and just what you think.
Maybe take the time to read what research says. Also since I'm studying psychology and child development in university I'd suggest reading about: 'interaction effect, child development' and 'the transactional model of development'.
Spanking your children and throwing around your wife are two different things. Spanking your children is not the same as beating them up. Thatās a whole other thing
You don't understand what I'm saying. I was making a counter argument when you say it wouldn't be done if it wasn't good. Which is a stupid argument... I'm not comparing the two.
A better example for you, people smoke and I know a lot of people that smoke but I have never seen anyone sick or dying from it, does that mean that smoking is harmless? No and we know that because we have made research that has linked smoking and those negative effects. The same way we have with spanking and any kind of physical force.
You have nothing to come with and I still don't see why you protect this, it has been proven to have negative effects plus we have other non physical methods to discipline a child meaning it's an obsolete method.
Opinions are great but make sure you have something to back them up with. Otherwise you won't win any argument.
Girl please... Are you actually reading what I'm writing because it genuinely doesn't seem like it?
I know it kills people... You know how we know it's smoking related? By research and studies by people in the medical field (same as psychology that is part of the medical field).
I was only using your type of argument but with another subject to show you how stupid it sounds.
You read one sentence and then only see that and don't actually read the rest to understand the point that is made. That is very important when arguing an opinion. I hope you will learn about argument and counter argument in school because it is very useful for future education and in life in general.
I'm done, use some of your time to read more, you seem like a smart kid and you will understand later I'm sure.
Your and your sibling's anecdotal experiences aren't really a good argument in the big picture. Pretty much all the research ever done on this subject has shown that corporal punishment, no matter what it is, is tied to increased violent and anti social behavior and other behavioral problems. Practically the entire field psychology is unitedly against this practice. There's multiple countries that have made corporal punishment illegal for these very reasons like Finland and Sweden.
Oh and all the people saying that you were spanked and turned out fine, yeah sure, but how could you possibly know that it didn't affect you in any way. YOU DON'T KNOW what you would've turned out like, if you had been disciplined in some other way. That's why anecdotal evidence is useless. You need to look at actual research.
I'm a nurse and I was spanked as a child? Shut the entire fuck up! Did you physically DO the research yourself? No! Why does everyone say that btw? "Do YoUr ReSeArch" it's so overrated.
@doglover77 so what if your a nurse? Doesn't affect anything over here. Point over here, you don't need to do the research yourself to look at the research. Or you could just ask a psychologist. Literally all of them would say that it doesn't help.
Are you asking me if you were spanked? And telling me to shut up.. top notch argumentation there!
"Did you physically DO the research yourself?" Oh right, because research can't possibly be valid unless you do it yourself... How do you do anything in your job since you haven't researched those methods or medicine yourself? You can't possibly know that they're going to work... :o
I find it funny that no one for years made it a big deal about busting your kids ass until now and look at kids now a days they eat laundry detergent and shoot up fucking schools. Do what research? Google? You get your opinion from what you hear and social media. And for the record stellastarling, it's *you're.
It's been a big deal in Finland for ages, amount school shootings (and shootings in general) have only been on the rise in US and it's mostly because shitty gun laws and shitty healthcare that have shitty coverage and not enough focus on mental healthcare, haven't heard anyone in Finland eating any laundry detergent and violence in general has been decreasing in Finland steadily. When I say research I mean medical STUDIES, there's free access to quite a lot of it. https://scholar.google.fi/
Ohhh I see. I promise it gets better after high school my dude. Life got so much better after high school when I got a job and met new people as friends. In the real world there's not as many cliques
Woow totally knew thing to me ofc i know that but when it goes over my limit i ll lose control and just explode and hurt the people did me do this and all people around me then i kill myself
But i ll ofc wait and do nothing i ll controll myself only when it ll get over my limit i guess it ll not happen
@doglover77 oh my goodness, look it doesn't matter. The point is that it's not something that one should do. There are better ways of dealing with children and spanking is not one of them. You might not turn out as emotionally unstable but someone else might. And that's dangerous. It's because medical reports do prove that children who grew up with spanking became more emotionally depressed in life than those who didn't. So why take the risk? In my opinion it's much better not to.
Prove it. Prove that literally EVERY SINGLE BLACK CHILD has been spanked at least once in their life. Also I'm sorry, but how does this contribute at all? We're talking about spanking in general. Why bring racial differences into it? Like what's the point?
I was spanked a few times as a child and you can bet I never repeated what I did wrong. Now I have only learned recently that some kids absolutely don't always respond to time out. With my son I was able to keep him in line with time outs. But when I met my man and his daughter I saw that all kids aren't as easy as my kid was. When we got together I got him to agree to let me get her out of control behavior under control with time out. I gave it my best effort for 3 months. She destroy furniture, break doors, throw anything she could grab, and scream at me. I became so stressed out by her that I almost left my man. Finally I decided to try and smack her on the butt like he would just to see. And sure enough when she realized she was gonna get spanked instead of timeout she started throwing her fits. And now that's she five she listens. We don't have to spank her anymore. Now time out works or just simply communicating with her. But I see now with some kids when their behavior is completely out of control a few spanks on the bum is not wrong. As long as you don't do it out of anger. If you do it out of anger then you're just teaching them to hit when you get angry. That's my experience. I don't think we can fit one form of punishment to every child. Each child is different and each child responds differently.
I like how you added "if done right" on the poll option because that's exactly it. If it's done right it is discipline. If done excessively and for trivial reason then it is abuse. My parents never spanked me. I was either grounded or sent to my room but I also wasn't a bad kid. I mostly did what I was told. But I have nothing against people who choose to spank as discipline. Just talking or grounding them really isn't enough for some kids. I feel like spanking should be a last resort. If all else fails then 1 or 2 spanks.
Exactly... You had different form of discipline. Yet respect others too. If Done right. Thanks for not resulting to petty insults. Shows your maturity and that you were raised well
I read a comment that said a spank isn't really supposed to hurt a child, it's more about shock value. That's a very good comment if you should choose to spank a child.
Some children will respond to a timeout if you talk to them after the timeout about what they did wrong, and how they should have handled the conflict. Some might respond to a second longer timeout. Some might need a little smack on the hand. Some might need a smack on the bottom.
If a child plays with any electrical outlet and you tell it several times not to, but every time you turn around they're back playing with it, is the shock value of a smack abuse, or is it an association that that activity will have a negative consequence?
So yes, I believe there are circumstances where it is o. k. to give a child a smack, but it should never, ever be the first choice of discipline.
Oh, you are such a bad person, I hate you. Too bad I don't think so. 😂😂😂😂
In my opinion, the example given by father and mother is the best way to make children learn about a good behaviour, not least because children tend to mimic adult behaviour. Whatever we do to them, they will learn to do to people subsequently, if we shout at them, they also will learn to shout at people, for example.
However, in some cases spanking would be a necessary punishment. I think a good father and a good mother have the good sense to know when they are supposed to use it as a last resource to discipline their children. And, no, I don't think spanking is an abusive act per se, only the spoiled people from the younger generation think it is abusive but... They are spoiled by the way. Discipline was much more rigid in the days of our grandfathers and they didn't developed PTSD for being spanked as a consequence because they done something not nice.
In my opinion (and am only 13) I disagree because my parents don't do it and am fine. Unless it's a massive argument in which they will physically hurt me but not spank but that's not right it's just in the moment. I don't think any kind of physical discipline is okay unless a slight tap on back of the hand if young or when older just take things, ground them, etc. I don't think spanking is okay but shouting at them is different. If they are young don't scream at them as will scare them but when 11,12,13 etc. shouting is a good way to get them to listen. It works with me or send them to their room and/or give them space to calm down then tell them they need to apologize
It is paradox if it's frequent then it is abuse and if it's occasional then may be for discipline but to be honest hitting is last option parents must have. In India we have stubborn kids and parents smack to make kids listen
I think it's a reasonable type of punishment when done right. Also may depend on the reason for punishment and the child who is being punished. I personally didn't often need more than a stern word from my parents or some time-out time in the corner to have me feeling very remorseful. But I do remember several occasions where I got spanked and many more when I'd be threatened with a spanking. Just that threat, knowing they would carry through with it if I continued to be bad, was usually enough to have me behaving.
I smack my kids. Iāve tried spanking. They run. Spanking can be a way of discipline. I have a friend that told me if you spank while angry itās abusive. If you spank while calm itās discipline. It makes sense to me. Iāve never spanked to the point of it becoming abusive. A quick smack is all I do. My kids know I love them. Usually I tell them Iām disappointed in them. I have good kids though. If youāre a shitty parent and donāt talk to your kids youāll have shit kids. Knowing why your children are acting up is the key.
I've been a good kid since I had my first spank (for swearing at my parents, slamming doors, yelling, etc. one day): ā¢ Pretty much always been well-behaved in public and at home ā¢ Haven't done drugs or drunk alcohol (without permission, for the latter) ā¢ Always had good grades - and was in the top 3% of the country in my English Language GCSE - because I never leave the house, and spend my time gaming or studying ā¢ Have been trusted to have a sleepover with my boyfriend because they know I'm not interested in sex ā¢ Have never had that "rebellious teen phase"
Some of that was from having seen my older sister be spanked when she did things, though - She got drunk, had sex at the age of 14, etc. and seeing her punished for it made me realise that it was wrong and that she'd been trying to influence me negatively.
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Anonymous
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+1 y
There are other forms of non abusive or violent punishments that work just as well. It is a sign of poor parenting skills and lack of anger management that leads to spanking. It is the lazy way out.
If a female adult screwed up at work over something, would it be right for her boss to spank her? Come on! Be real! How long would a boss remain in that job?
So apart from age, what is the difference?
I have noted, from the previous times this question has surfaced over the last couple of years, that the majority of spanking advocates are from US. Maybe it goes hand in hand with their need for guns. This inate desire for violence as a solution for everything that goes wrong.
I disagree I don't think Americans spank as much or are the leading group that spank.
And yes their are other ways to discipline. But spanking is usually kept as a last resort when the child refuses to obey. My mother always had a 4 strikes layout with me and if I didn't obey by the 4th time I would get a spanking but even then I was rarely spanked.
And no an adult does not need to be spanked because they have a wider knowledge and understanding. But yet again people don't just spank their children because they forgot to wash the dishes
@LordChaoticX In all this, something is pretty obvious. If it is necessary to spank a child MORE than once, it proves spanking does NOT work. Otherwise the second, and subsequent, spankings would not be necessary.
It was very rare that I was spanked because I was a very well behaved child. It would be many months or even years that I actually acted up and got spanked because I knew if I did act up multiple times I would be spanked.
That last reply was not very well thought out. All disciplines that you will use on your child will have to be used multiple times. Does that mean disliplining your child doesn't work?
It's violence and there's no escaping it. Parents don't get to mandate what kind of violence is "appropriate" to use on their children. Bodily integrity is the right of every man, woman and child. Parenthood doesn't give you the right to infringe on another person's physical integrity.
No I don't but a child is not a parents equal. As a human being yes but parents are the authorative figure in the house and to say a child is the parents equal is wrong
Nowhere does it say teaching involves physical violence. It is not included in the definition of the word "teach." You're basically arguing that someone should be allowed to punch you in the mouth because you are a child, therefore not protected from violence. This is pointless.
I never stated that physical violence was acceptable as a parent. I simply said that a child is not a parents equal. If a child was a parents equal they would do what ever they pleased because they are an adult. But sorry to say that isn't true. When did I ever say that physical violence was acceptable?
You should probably apply that to yourself. You keep repeating some obvious mantra, "Children are not equal to parents." They have the same fundamental right as a person, which is freedom from violence.
And I agree that a child does not diserve to be abused. Just like every other human being, may it be man, woman, boy, girl or infant. I never stated that a child has no rights to freedom from violence. Stop putting words in my mouth that I never said.
Oh stop your cunt mouth from spewing shit. That's exactly what you meant with your response. You just think it wouldn't be violence to spank your children.
@Patrickjv it's alright. However you must notice he did not mention anything about spanking. He mentioned the equality thing. @LordChaoticX however that does not mean that you have any right to say that. Fundamentally we are all equal to each other. It is our parents duty and responsibility to treat us as adults and especially at our age. When we can be treated like adults. And before that they guide us, even now they do. But at the end of the day, it's our life. Not theirs. And they are not the ultimate authority on everything. That just curbs a child and makes them rebellious instead of letting them grow. So yes we are equal to our parents in a lot of ways. And discipline? Really? Are you telling me that 16 years of age, you aren't old enough to make the right choices in life and that your parents have to do that for you? That seems highly absurd to me as my parents never treated me as anything less than an equal for my entire life.
I am treated as a adult now because I have shown responsibility and maturity. But I am not my parents equal they still have the last say so in the things I do. I ask their opinion and permission if I do something that needs their concent. But other than that I am free to travel to my work or any place I like because I have proven that I can be trusted.
But parents still need to be the authority in the household. Yes children have rights. But until you are 18 it's your parents job to teach you to be a sensible person.
And yes fundamentally we are all equal as human beings but are parents are still the authority and at the end of the day they have the last say so in what we do.
The person who says "Kid your 16" . Also says "Shut your cunt mouth" the irony is insane XD I love how the apparently better raised and those who come from an apparently non abusive home where they were never spanked. Find it cool to call people cunts or dumb or assholes. You clearly were raised to show respect š
@LordChaotix you are literally repeating the same thing over and over. Yes parents have the authority. However the state and it's judicial institutions have the ultimate authority. And it is the state that gets to mandate what kind of punishments are acceptable.
I believe if done the right way, its discipline. You only got discplined when you did something wrong. When you get hit and spanked for no reason, then it's abuse. I strong believe in discipling the child when they've done something wrong, especially when they know they did something wrong. I know there's so many forms of way to do this and not all works for every child the same way. Some have to get spankings for it to sink in and straighten them out, while other kids don't need that method. This is when the parents decides, because they know their child and they know which method is going to be the effective. For me, my mom could raise her tone and that was enough for me to stop and start behaving. My brother on the hand, it took a more aggressive method. My brother got spankings (I did too on rare occassions) and neither have us have ever been a violent person. I see the difference and enjoyed reading your take on this topic.
Children try to find their boundaries. They ask for it, so it shall be given. The education you described above: my own kids received it as well. Not sure if once, or twice. That was all. I support the idea, but I was not comfortable being the 'executor'. We could entirely refrain from such punishment and get the proper results from other educational measures. I see the 'benefit' on a different level: A spanking carries a lesson that shows that our own actions can result in aggression or even violence against ourselves. We should be prepared to face this possibility, and also be aware how aggression is perceived by others if WE are the aggressive party. 'Modern' education (i. e. Waldorf) intends well, but caused more troubles on the long term. There is no need to invent a 'metoo' for kids either. We see where it leads to.
It depends how you go about it. If itās in public, it can be emotionally damaging which would be abuse. If itās a punishment (and you are aware of the punishment) itās a punishment you have to earn by doing something. Not abuse. My dad was abused as a child by his dad who would hit him and spank him and so much more as a āpunishmentā but only because he was angry. So my dad, whenever he would spank us, would give himself 5-10 minuets. Once he was no longer upset he would spank me and my sisters just to make sure the punishment wasnāt done out of anger. Not abuse. It easily wouldāve been abuse if he was angry.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Abuse. I donāt care if it is ājustā a slap or a tap on the butt, but it doesn't have anything to do with discipline. All research shows only negative outcomings from this.
It is illegal where i live.
Plus it hypocritical to be against men slapping their wives but being for it if it happens to small kids who are helpless and need to be able to trust their parents 100.
Discipline means guidance how is hitting guidance, it is just a easy solution that will do more bad than good long term.
There are better ways of disciplining.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
My parents never ever spanked me. I have much love and respect for them.
Well this is another dame good discution! I personally do not feel that it is abuse! Like you may parents always told me way I was getting a spanking and that it hurt them more then it hurt me. Which I still donāt believe... haha! But it was the lesson!
Every child is different so different disciplines are needed. One child might need to be talked too or hoven a stern look. While the other would simply shrug off the words and ignore you.
Spanking worked well enough for me because I knew I would never need to go to jail if I broke the law I would be dead.
I believe in discipline! When I was a kid if they told me one time to stop.. if I didn't listen there was no second warning or telling me to stop again, they busted my ass. At home or in public it didn't matter and I turned out just fine. My children will be taught the same way I was. I see parents all the time having to repeat themself over and over again and dealing with unruly children who don't listen to anything. My kids will not be that way.
Abuse happens if the child didn't do anything wrong yet got spanked, or too much spanking to the point that the child could get near to or traumatic experience out of it.
Abuse. Kids need to be treated with love, they need to be respected and appreciated just as much as we do to adults. I would hate to show them my aggression and dominance that way, they are weaker, they need love and protection, not another danger and source of fear in the name of their parents.
I've been physically and verbally abused by my mom till my late teens, I have fear of relationships and closeness because of that. I was a stubborn kid, It didn't change with hitting me, I am same, even became more rebellious but sometimes I feel like more broken than I would be if she showed me love instead of hatred and aggression. just saying now because maybe some future moms read this and learn that physical aggression will never be a solution.
I have a little cousin, she lives with us, no one spanks her, but we raise her with love and treat her equally. Today she got scared when we watched a movie, I told her, when I'm by her side, she has nothing to fear about, because she's safe with me and I won't let anyone harm her, including myself. I want her to feel that she's protected, that she's got my back. That's the only way to raise strong, happy and secure individual.
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