It doesn't. It instills fear or anger. One of the two. Well, fear turns to anger, so basically it just instills fear which sometimes turns to anger.
My parents were very pro-spanking. But they did it in that bullshit way where they were like "This hurts me more than you." "I'm doing this for your own good." Then when they got angry, their reasoning conveniently turned to hitting us as a means of relieving stress and anger, because we "deserved it".
My perspective was, "Okay, you're going to hit me: fuck you." My brother's perspective was, "Oh shit I might get hit if I do something wrong."
In any case, personal experience is shallow, but I couldn't resist venting a little. Child psychology shows that punishment is not an effective means of obtaining proper behavior. The 85% recidivism rate over 10 years should show that very well. Prison is a punishment system, not a reformation system. And that fairly harsh punishment, being thrown into a race war where people get shanked to death or butt raped routinely, does all of nothing. 85% of inmates just wind up right back in jail.
The only instance where punishment works--according to psychology--is if you can apply the punishment after every single infraction. This is impossible, because naturally kids--or people--are going to hide shit when they realize they're getting hurt if they get caught. Therefore: punishment is a bullshit method of obtaining proper behavior.
Like I said. Children are tiny humans. So they react the way humans would. How would you react if someone slapped you in the face in order to get you to do something? Probably one of those two ways. Inspiring fear or anger/resentment towards them. That's not a good way to parent, in my opinion.
lol spanking is nothing, it's only white kids that gets sent back to their room as discipline. all other kids that weren't white used to gets their asses kicked by parents back in the day when i was growing up. i use to get a slipper across the face, get whipped by those wooden feather dusters that would leave a long line of blister sometimes, hit by plastic hangers, belt, one time i even got grabbed by the neck and flung to the wall just for a cup of milk and all of this would still be considered as okay discipline to my parents as they had it even worse back in their days
The 13 year old boy who turned off the wifi and stole the BMW deserved it. You can't exactly put a child in the corner and say "this is your punishment" because it doesn't feel like one. It's not harsh enough to make them rethink their choices. I'm not saying that spanking and hitting a child is a good form of discipline. (The use of a belt seems too much). But what else can you do? The punishment needs to be harsh enough for the child to learn their lesson, and at the same time not be abusive. It's almost contradictory. I've worked with kids before and I found that the kids who are disciplined with spanking (hand or sandal) behave much better with manners, while the kids who aren't disciplined with some form of hitting are rude little punks and straight out curse to their parents in front of me. It's disrespectful and wrong to see a child run the relationship between parent and child, because the parents aren't really teaching their child to be a good person who can contribute to society. I've asked others about this a while back and they said that society has gotten too soft. It's a very grey area.
I don’t approve of hitting your child (punching, slapping, anything in the face, etc.). However, I think there are times when spanking can be useful as discipline. I was spanked very rarely as a child, and never hard enough to leave lasting marks or “traumatize” me. It was a punishment, and a warning. I’ve known others whose parents spanked them. One girl said her mother apologized not for spanking her, but because it hurt to have to hurt her child. The point was to learn a lesson, and she received no pleasure from inflicting it on her daughter.
Most parents who use spanking only do to ensure their child never does a particularly dangerous or bad thing again. It’s a sign of strict parenting, yes, but so long as it’s not the go-to and isn’t full on beating, I wouldn’t say it’s abuse. There’s a difference between spanking to teach them a lesson, and beating them to show them who is the boss/because you want to hurt them.
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the problem with this subject is that everyone is going to have fanatical ideas about how to raise kids.. many will rant on about how it is ok many rant on about how those who believe it is ok are wrong... many of which who are passionate about the not are often not parents and never had any experience with raising kids...
now I am going to say that contrary to what the nay sayer's will believe... physical punishment does NOT cause violent kids...
it is NOT abuse, it does NOT create any mental instability within the child/children...
HOWEVER... as long as it is used as a last resort, without emotion and is controlled... i. e. if a child has done something so bad that requires them to be physically punished the parent should not show emotion as any emotion can give the child a confused or different view on what the punishment is for... any emotion like enjoyment or laughing while punishment is taking place... is abuse..
also once and with reasonable force... NOT excessive is sufficient...
and never do it while angry.. otherwise it can give off a different message about their punishment than what you want to put across...
but always as last resort
I have 3 sons, each of mine were given 3 warnings and each punishment always fit the crime...
but the problem is each child was different... not different as in favourites but different as in how they responded to different forms of punishment... one would respond to physical more than sitting talking to them, another would respond to having their toys taken off them, and another would be a mixture...
none of them were worse off for it... but parents get a raw deal.. we raise our kids... if they misbehave we get shit cos if we do not punish them we are bad parents.. if we are too soft, we aren't suitable parents.. if we come across as too hard we are bullies... always people looking at part of the picture where the kids behaviour is concerned and none of them realising that each parent has gotten to that stage through trial and error... cos talking may or may not have worked or smacking hasn't worked or a combination works...
we ground a kid we are bad parents in the eyes of child services cos we are restricting what they want to do... but they steal and burn down a house or beat up some innocent person and we are then held to account for not disciplining them sufficiently...
>Texas boy that turned off the wifi and stole his moms new BMW and took off with it and then his mom pulls him over and starts whipping him with a leather belt.
Ask yourself this:
What would have happened to this boy if he would have crashed into someone's property?
... or worse:
What would have happened if he had injured/killed a pedestrian or the occupants of another vehicle?
This child would have ended up with an extended stay, incarcerated in the custody of the Youth Authority.
Now, ask yourself:
WHAT'S LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO HIM WHILE INCARCERATED?
He will likely be raped, beaten, and will have to become violent as a means of survival. He is more likely to become socialized to this environment during his formative years, making his probability of reoffending far astronomically higher.
Abdicating the responsibility of disciplining your child to the state does not make you a better parent, it just places your child in harm's way. At least you can pretend your child's rape, battery, and death are someone else's fault, but that won't help your child.
Finally, ask yourself:
IS THIS WORSE THAN GETTING A SPANKING FROM YOUR MOTHER?
Any discipline from a parent should be for the child's ultimate health and safety. Spanking should be only used as A LAST RESORT; when all other options have failed AND when the realistic potential consequences of the act (incarceration, injury/death to the child or others) far outweigh the spanking.
As parents, that is why it is important to expand our toolbox for instructing, teaching and effectively disciplining our children WITHOUT SPANKING. With a little work, you will find a technique or combination of techniques that will usually produce the desired response far more effectively and without physical harm. This is important, since most kids will become desensitized to spanking, in addition to causing a whole host of of other problems other forms of discipline do not create. The fact that spanking was used as the default setting for every infraction; if it is the same punishment for leaving your bike on the lawn as it is for breaking into a school to steal a television, it ignores the difference between the two offensives. In closing, spanking should remain in reserve, much like the "nuclear option" should only be used to prevent our people's potential extinction. It is a dyre option, and, like any use of force, should be viewed as such, but is an option nonetheless.
I was spanked. It taught me to fear and avoid my parents. Even as an adult, I want to avoid my mother, because she “initiated” most of the spankings. She threatened and then my father was the dutiful Spanker.. It did shock me. Even when I was told it was going to happen, it was shameful and embarrassing when it happened. I was spanked from the time I was about 18 months until my last spanking at 15. Until about 5 years old, they were by hand. From 6 to 15, they were with paddles, belts, and willow switches. My last one at 15 didn’t even hurt physically, but it sealed my desire to get a job and work and get the hell away from them.
So for me, no spanking is a terrible and lazy way to parent and should be used in a limited age range, and in a limited way, with a child defiant of authority only. It should be a decision and never done in anger.
I only spanked my children a handful of times. Once when my son stole something from the store, I spanked him. He was maybe 6 or 7.
The harder part for him was going back into the store and apologizing to the manager, and returning the item. He has been super careful with “other people’s things” since. One person threatened to turn me in for child abuse. Another applauded me “being a parent”.
1. Spanking should never be administered to children below about 4-5 years old. Use counting or timeout or taking away computer or tv time.
2. in my opinion, spanking should only be used for clear acts of defiance against authority. A child is not allowed to yell at, disrespect or demean someone in authority, including teachers, principals, parents, and the police. The point is to shock them. If a stern talking to will work, do that first. It worked on 2 of 3 kids. Only as a last resort.
3. If spanking is used too much, it is abuse. It is lazy parenting. In my case, it was clearly abuse and taught me to fear and disrespect authority, which has hurt me in my career. My paranoia and distrust means that I don’t engage at work, and I don’t trust leaders to act in my interest.
4. Never spank a child above 10-11 years of age. It is better to take away time from things they want like computer, phone, media, entertainment.
If they remain defiant of authority at/above 11 years of age you have bigger problems.
It really depends on how sensitive and emotional the child is and how much force is being used in disciplining the child. I don't like it when adults go over the limitation. Like for example if they beat up or spank with a belt for a long time, etc. Which would totally be child abuse. But many parents just need to beore careful and educated about the consequences because it can harm a child mentally and emotionally. I'm the living proof of that.
When I was 7-9 years old, we used to sell candies and mango with spice in a small plastic cup to sell at the flea market. My mom would hit me with her middle finger knuckle if I cut the mango incorrectly. I would cry in confusion because I didn't understand how to do it perfectly. She would hit me with her knuckle if I couldn't count from 0-100 correctly at the age of 6. I can tell you, being emotional and sensitive, I never knew I had anxiety all my life. I had anxiety over not doing things correct. I skipped school, lying I was sick just because I didn't understand how to do my homework. I get anxiety if I don't do well in my classes, or if I don't understand something. I never asked my teachers for help because I was scared of getting disciplined. Like why if I have to get yelled at just for not understanding how to do math? Or why if I tell my teachers I'm confused? Are they going to make me go back to first grade? Am I going to be kicked out of school? All my life, I had anxiety over small things which made my life miserable. I had trouble learning and my teachers never bothered asking why I'm like this but they just put me into ESL, mark my bad grades and moved on in life.
I have trouble doing things on my own, afraid that I might mess up. It's affected my work too. So yes, parents need to be careful if they are going to discipline by use of spanking and etc. It can scar a child for life. Don't complain about why your kid grew up to have anxiety and become scared easily on doing things on their own if you are the one who scarred them.
Even my cousins grew up with their parents verbally and emotionally abusing them as a way to discipline their behaviors, causing all four kids to have severe social anxiety. It's no joke. My 21 year old cousin had his first job. My 23 year old cousin had her first driver's license. My 25 year old and 37 year old cousins haven't gotten their license and they have to see a psychologist to help with their anxieties. It's a battle everyday.
As a child i was spanked as punishment when I missbehaved and it did hurt sometimes and Id cry but It never was so bad but it left marks. I pretty much deserved it and it did discipline me.
It's difficult for me to talk about because I love my mum and dad and I think their amazing but yes it has left me with some emotional scares. I flinch and get scared easily because I still have the same fear in my head but I might have done something wrong and I'm going to get hit and when I was younger, it's something I'm not proud of and hate myself for but if someone upset me like a boy or a sibling I thought it was okay to hit them because my parents did when I upset them but I've learnt it's better to us worlds or walk away in them situations now in them situations.
On the other hand I see to many young people my age who had laid back parents who let run wild because they thought they were doing the right thing or they just gave up trying to discipline them and stop carin, who are just terrible people in their adult lifes now because of it and think they can get away if everything and I'm for ever grateful to my parents for actually giving a shit about me and making sure I didn't turn out that way by disciplining me and I'm sure they didn't enjoy hitting their children any loving parents wouldn't but its sometimes the only thing that's affective at times. Being parent is difficult and sometimes you have to do whats best at diffult times
It is/isn't depending on definition. (In debate, if you control the definition, you control the blow of the debate.)
As to whether it's effective. It is for certain kids and not for others. Some parents do it correctly with a cool, collected, rules-based system that truly teaches the necessary lesson, while others fail with emotional flogging that just teaches restraint from enraging the parent.
I am one of those who was taught well (enough) via corporal punishment. Some kids I've had to monitor were seriously spoiled, disruptive, really couldn't be reasoned-with, and would have been better trained with properly-implemented spanking (U. S.)/smacking (U. K.), but weren't. Some kids are reasonable and I've never had to do more than discuss with them.
Some parents seriously need training in proper implementation, while others just don't have the natural disposition to do so. For the latter, their kids may or may not be a caretaker's nightmare, depending on the disposition of the child. As for the volatile emotional-wrecks who improperly "discipline" their kids, I can only pity them both.
So, it depends.
Yes and no.
Yes as a shock tactic, there's something to the expression 'knock some sense into someone'. A physical shock can burst you out of a thought / behavioural or emotional pattern. If you're hysterical a slap can calm you right down. I think it can definitely be useful and good if done right.
That being said, a spank should be a spank and no more. It should hurt just a bit and it definitely should not leave a mark, that's taking it way too far. You cannnot and should not harm your child or take your anger out on them, that is child abuse and its not ok.
Also using physical force should be a LAST resort. You should not do it on any kind of regular basis. I'm talking about your kid throwing a tantrum waving all around near a busy intersection and you spank them and hold them back because they could endanger themselves by running onto the road for example. Not spanking your kid every time they throw a fit.
What you saw in that video definitely sounds like child abuse. Whipping with a leather belt hurts like hell, it WILL leave a mark both physical and emotional. That's not by any means ok. I don't think he will take much from that experience. Maybe he will end up believing his mom just hates him for not respecting her authority, or just uses him to take out her anger on, or that she cares more about her car than her son... All of which are probably destructive things for a 13 year old to internalise (even if it may not be the case, this is the kind of damage that can be done)
Yes im sorry and no offense but I've seen how white people discipline there kids and how black people do it and let me tell you it makes a world of difference like I've gone to some white friends houses and I've seen them just curse there mother out for bringing us snacks and stuff like i couldn't be friends with them after cause the disrespect was fucking terrible. I work at kohls and once i helped this mom and her daughter check out and cause the daughter didn't get one item she started saying stuff like omg your so fucking stupid or like just shut the fuck up and the mom is just taking it and I'm lime is this really happening i was about to drop kick that brat like jesus but they don't discipline there kids and i know its not all white people but i see that stuff more so in them even my own nephew who's my is white and my brother her husband is black when ever my brother puts his hands on him the mom will defend him and start an argument and the little brat is cursing people out from behind his mom its crazy but that my take if my kid ever try to talk crazy to me they getting they ass wooped
Depends on the force. If it's light spanking, I don't have a problem. When I was a child my mother used to spank me a lot but not only spanking, she used belts, shoes lmao. I was 5 years old when I left my country with her, she used to hit me many times, because she was saying that I have to stop using our native language and start speaking the language from the new country. Well it sucked, eventually I learned the new language and I forgot my native one. After she would blame why I forgot our native language and I didn't liked it. Also untill 3rd grade, I was a great student, one of the top but then she had twins with my step father, long story short, I satrted have problems concentrating, I couln't study because my brothers were too noisy. She used to beat me and hit me with belts because I wasn't studying, she blamed me, not herself for wanting more children. lmao. Anyways, the hate inside me grew, somany years of hate for her, hate that I couldn't get out from my heart, sometimes I wanted to kill her while she was sleeping, I really did. I had no father because she broke up with him (he was an alcoholic and was fucking with other women, when I was 5 I lost my grandmother, who raised me, my grandfather was also an alcoholic, she forced me to forget my native language, she made me take care of my brothers while she was away, so I couldn't go out often, this way I couldn't make many friends, I had only one, I couldn't socialise and I was really shy and very closed as a person, I wouldn't share my problems, I kept all the hated inside me and after so many years, she still thinks it was all my fault, not hers. I lived 23 years with her and I still hate her so much and I just can't get the anger out of me.
Ain't no brown kids shooting up schools ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
It can work, sure, but will it work for every child and is it always necessary? I don't think so. It's subjective to each child and every child responds differently. Some kids need a smack while others don't, some benefit simply from words or a time out. The goal is to instill discipline and that can be done in numerous ways. Abusing your child or causing them psychological trauma is a whole other issue, and is never ok.
It definitely works though, that's for sure. A smack from my mom taught 6 year old me to never forge government documents, commit extortion or put chewing-gum in my sister's hair.
It has a place. Pain is the world's oldest teacher. And there are some things that kids simply can not learn until it hurts them. Like "don't climb on the bookshelves" is something a child would not learn until they pulled the bookshelves on top of themselves, and got crushed to death. That would be a final lesson. Or, the parents can use a controlled/applied pain that doesn't involve crushing to death to teach, thus minimizing the risk.
In so many words, spanking out of concern is probably fine. Spanking out of anger is probably abuse.
No. If the kid behaves like that is because when he was younger you spoilt them. Since the moment the baby is born you are educating the baby. You can't give a 1 or 2 years old everything they ask and want only because at that age is hard to say no because they are so cute.
I can only say my parents never had to hit me, and never cause them big trouble. So I hope I never have to use violence. However, we are not taught to be perfect parents, so I think violence is not the best way but the last option when there are no other ways.
Yes it is. It's tough love but necessary. My mom caned me when I was a kid, when I was naughty of course, I never once think she was abusing me. She loves me and she was disciplining me. I think it's more of a cultural opinion? I find almost all my Asian friends say they'll spank/cane their kids if they're naughty, while most Americans or westerns say it's child abuse. I also see a lot of Americans shout or scream to their parents when I rarely see Asian children do that (heck we can't even raise our voice, it's rude, especially to elderly). We love and respect our parents and those aspects are taught very strictly since we were little. Yes my mom caned me, but she was also the one applying the ointment for the scars while crying and explaining what I did was wrong. Yes she hit my hand when I hit my sister and shouted at me to apologize to my sister, but she was also the one holding my hands to warm me when I was cold. So for me, it's tough love, not child abuse.
I think having a child you have to talk to the child everytime they do something wrong. Telling them.( no, that is not okay and explain them why its not okay )... But I seen many mothers that are very very lovable don't say anything to the kid let it be free he is just a baby.. Then when they are 5 they can't control their own child. Like it's their fault lol... would I consider to use the belt I can't say because I haven't had a child... In my life time... my mom only hit me once!!! Because I was being a brat!!!
And. well I understand her reasons... But I was never the child that went. to the store and cry because i wanted a toy!!! My mom teach me. to be grateful for what I have..
I don't think it's a good form of discipline. It's the opposite. Instead of teaching your kid what rules are and why they shouldn't be broken, you use fear and pain to force them into obedience. At the end of the day, I'd want my kid to abide by the rules because they're a good person who *chooses* to follow the rules because they *don't want to* break them, rather than following the rules out of fear for the potential consequences. Spanking or hitting your kid teaches your kid that it's ok to use force and violence to make someone obey you or do what you want.
Also, I don't fucking trust that most people would, in the heat of the moment while they're angry or frustrated with their kid, not take it even slightly too far and let their emotions get the best of them while punishing their kid. Most people don't have that kind of self-control.
There is a difference between. Discipline and abuse. Discipline you correct your child. for over 100 years. We have spanked our children when they do wrong. its a way to teach your child respect. When the goverment steeped in and said we can no longer do that. Now look at the how they act and how discipline them now. We act like touching them at all is a crime we act like just sitting them in a corner will fix them will teach them respect. and not the military's way of respect just common decency.
Look it it from generation point of view... every generation before us has had the ability to spank their children when they do something wrong there was so much respect in the world and violence was not as high. Between the last 2 generations all respect has been thrown out the window because we the parents cannot discipline our children so they run amuck in the world thinking no one can touch them violence is at an all time high schools are being shot up there has been mass murderings at concerts and 10 times the amount of suicides. And this is all within the past 15-20 years.
Yes. Sometimes discipline needs to be serious to get the lesson across. If it didn't get across and he stole his mothers BMW again then he could die. Sometimes a harsh lesson really is required, especially if the child is tempermental or stubborn.
I'm not saying to always spank though, I think punishment needs to fit the "crime". I think spanking can be child abuse if it is used incorrectly (as in too often or as a punishment for small things, ie. Spanking a child for being a few minutes late coming home) as it can damage a child's mentality and instill a lot of fear.
I think I was spanked once as a child and it was an open palm over the knee. I only received one spanking.
Since it became illegal to merely look at your child, children do anything and everything. We’ve gone too far the other way.
I don’t agree with belts and things but I don’t agree with a “naughty step” either. I could hold a grudge as a child for a while. I’ve been holding my current one against my mother for about 15 years now. Damn, I’d still be on that step and wouldn’t give a crap.
There are many other forms of punishment that are more effective that don't involve hurting your kids.
In this video for example, the Father of a boy caught stealing has a belt and his xbox. He asks the kid whether he'd rather lose the xbox or take a beating - the kid says he'd rather take a beating than lose the xbox. So the Father destroys the xbox.
I got hit as a kid, and I know something like this would bother me more than a slap.
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