I’ve heard some people talking about the biological effects that getting spanked as a kid can give children and effect them I adult hood.
I’ll be quoting some information from articles talking about the effects of spanking on children’s brains. ^
Please tell me what you think about it/share your experience of being spanked as a child and if you believe it’s effected you in adulthood.
spanking elicits a similar response in children’s brains to more threatening experiences like sexual abuse. Those consequences potentially affect the brain in areas often engaged in emotional regulation and threat detection, so that children can respond quickly to threats in the environment.
Spanking kids can make them susceptible to later on in life being physically abused by a partner and or spouse since spanking can give children the wrong impression of what love is. (Most parents tell their kids they spank them cause they love them; it normalizes toxic relationships)
Preschool and school age children — and even adults — [who have been] spanked are more likely to develop anxiety and depression disorders or have more difficulties engaging positively in schools and skills of regulation, which we know are necessary to be successful in educational settings
Many studies have shown that physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children. Americans’ acceptance of physical punishment has declined since the 1960s, yet surveys show that two-thirds of Americans still approve of parents spanking their kids.
I'm not American. I grew up in a country were physical punishment of children is/was very normal. Especially in school (pre-university).
My parents rarely hit me, unless I did something really unacceptable. My dad flogged my brother and I with a stick when we were like 7/8 because we went out and left the water pump running, which flooded the house. He spanked me for ditching my after-school tutor to play with friends. My mom belted me when she learned I had been lying to her that school closed at 1pm instead of 4pm. I never did any of that stuff again after.
Most of my beatings were in school though. We got flogged for noise-making, rough play, not being able to correctly recite multiplication tables, not making a minimum grade, etc. I once got flogged by a teacher for running into his class while playing tag during break (I thought it was my class).
No one ever told us we were getting spanked because of love. It is always a form of discipline. You know you are getting flogged because you did something wrong/broke rules. It's meant to reinforce respect for rules and authority. Most people in the country I grew up in have no problem with it. It's normal, and most of us honestly chuckle to ourselves when we first learn that in places like the U. S., kids only get time-outs and talking-tos. That wouldn't have done anything to me as a kid. I'd have done what I wanted knowing there were practically no consequences. Few of us cared about disappointing our parents because parents aren't your friends. I didn't care about disappointing my parents/teachers with my actions, I cared about the consequences to my own happiness. Fear of the cane was/is an effective tool for good behaviour. As a homebody, grounding me would have been more of a reward than a punishment.
Perhaps it is a useless form of discipline in the west because of a long history of time-outs, the many restrictions on raising your children, and issues of abuse. In countries where it is normal, kids experience it and grow into normal healthy adults. I don't even hold a grudge against the people who did that to me. It's something to laugh about.
There are 2 types of spanking your kids: spanking them because they actually did something objectively wrong, like stealing or intentionally hitting another child, but also there is spanking because they did something YOU don't like, for example crying because they want something.
None of those are good, and for me, being spanked was like a form of communication for my parents. I would get spanked for seemingly random reasons, including "just in case you may do something wrong tonight"... But I kind of feel like slapping your kids hands if they steal something, to drop that thing and associate illegal stuff with pain is a little more excusable than the other type of beating.
I wouldn't say go beat your kids, but I think you should treat their mistakes the same way they would be treated for you, an adult. Like, if you were to start crying now, as an adult, a lot of people would feel empathic and be by your side and try to help you, and that's how you should treat a kid too. Stop treating kids like something less than humans or like animals, because I have seen kids at 10 or 11 being more intelligent than most adults I know. Stop talking to kids the way you talk to kids and you would see that there would be far less cases when you would need to punish him/her. Since we are on the topic of crying for seemingly no reason, stop telling kids "stop crying! Kids have no reason/excuse to cry! Man up!" because this is the real thing that will affect a kid long term, psychologically.
I went a little off topic with the above paragraph, but I wanted to say that maybe, if in real adult life you would normally face pain or hard times (prison) maybe teaching your kids that through some mild spanking is not that big of a deal. Because he will maybe associate pain in the future with stealing, beating somebody else or with other illegal things that kids aren't really punished for. Same thing goes for accidents. Don't spank him for getting hurt (happened to me), but also don't try to stop him from getting hurt, because that will make him have less confidence as an adult. Let kids get hurt by themselves, and be there only to protect them so things don't go really bad. Like don't tell them not to go down a slide head first because they will get hurt, but suggest to have them do that from a safer distance, so when they will inevitably eat some dirt, they won't also have a broken neck, but they will know not to do that again. And try to keep your distance from kids, because if he falls and gets hurt and realizes that he is by himself he would just get up and do something safer, without even crying.
If in real life, however, you would find yourself only verbally punished, either by society or by an authority, then you should find a way to explain your kids, in the best possible way for that case, why they were wrong and how they could make that better. For example, if they break a vase, what you should do is feel disappointed that the vase is broken (don't say or even imply that they did it) and make them help clean up. Also, make sure to have them come with you in the store and look with you for a replacement vase, because that would make them feel guilty and they would understand that they should avoid that by any means in the future.
On a closing note, I want to say that if you can educate your children by repaying their good behavior instead of punishing the bad one, it would be best. However they also need to know that in life there are consequences and sometimes they hurt. Sometimes. If it's always, than it's a problem. Also, if your kid laughs when you tell them that they are wrong, than you've already lost the battle. You need to be serious, to have them find you as an authority, but not violent.
Good grief. I can tell some of you weren't spanked as a child- and probably needed to be as well!
Absolutely! I fully support spankings and paddling! Growing up, that was an effective method of punishment- IF done right. As a matter of fact, some schools in my area STILL spank kids if need be. However, the parent has to give their consent before doing so (most parents do not mind, believe it or not!) Not to the point the child is hurt or injured, but if they do something terrible or are not listening to other forms of reprimand (grounding, taking away possessions, etc), then yes, sometimes being spanked is necessary!
I was spanked as a kid- but I had to REALLY screw up! Of course my parents used other methods, but if I was really out of line, was it necessary? Yeap. Did I hate it? Absolutely. But spanking didn't emotionally or mentally scar me. I'm a well rounded adult now with no disciplinary issues, no criminal record, and I respect my parents. Nor I do resent my parents for it either.
Then I look at my nephews, whom my sister refuses to spank or touch because, "she was spanked as a child." They walk all over her.
But hey, if some of y'all have other ways to correct your kids without smacking a little decency and sense into them? More power to you!
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Absolutely. It's a contradiction to say to "child abusers" don't hit your kids, here is a jail fine/jail, and mandatory classes, and we might take your kid away, and then to say to another parent in the same breath, go ahead and hit your child with a belt while they are crying and screaming and trying to run away from you in fear of being hit and that's not abuse. You are a grown adult who thinks they need to hit their child for them to comply or understand wrong from right. Then they use phrases like "they'll never learn otherwise,"...but spanking doesn't get to the root of what they're doing wrong at all and if it worked so incredibly well, one spanking would do it right? I mean how do you explain all the kids out there who have never been physically punished but show discipline and obey their parents if "nothing else" works.
What I don't believe in, is parenting where there is no discipline at all or very little which I do think is detrimental to kids but groundings, taking away their video games, a stern voice when they are in trouble, letting them know why they are in trouble with you/why and how they have to do extra chores or not get to see their friends for a while as punishment are better alternatives.
Growing up I had a step dad and he felt it was necessary if I did something wrong to send me to my room and then come in and either whoop me or beat me with the belt. And there are times where I was just black and blue the very last time that he beat me I told myself I wasn't going to cry no more and I held back the tears no matter how badly hurt and he asked me why I wasn't crying and I told them you can't tell somebody you love them and then beat them with the belt and would beat me even harder to see me cry and that last time I wouldn't do it I mean I had tears going down my face but I would not cry out loud and I swore up and down if I ever had kids I would never lay one hand on them well that dream came true I had kids I never laid one hand on them I never even yelled at them all I would have to do is look at them with my first finger in the air with a motion come here first I would say pisst so I can tell you what that quiet little sound they would be here no matter how far away they were from me and if they were with a friend or whatever they would say come on we got to go talk to my dad he would walk up to me and let's say we are at somebody else's house and they were doing something that shouldn't have been doing all I would do is explain to them is this your house is this your property you have to respect other people's property what happens if you broke it who's going to pay for it I would talk to them for about 2 minutes and I would then ask if they understand they would say yes I would say okay go have fun respect people's property my kids are the greatest kids they're quiet there calm my son is 6. 7 inch fireman paramedic beautiful and just a big buff boy good looking kid has a heart of gold when you hit a child for no matter what reason what are you teaching them you're teaching them if you want something it's okay to get them I never yelled at my kids because what does that teach them that teachers and grab them when they want something how do they get it they have to scream and yell about it. Our children are supposed to grow up to be bigger better than us not to be worse than us you don't restrict kids from growing and experiencing their kids they're going to mess up let them mess up and then put more responsibility on them and let them grow you don't have to hit them or yell at them or even disciplined in you teach them that's what it's all about teaching not putting them in timeout not restricting them not disciplining them because that holds them back from growing or even want to explore to grow yes there might be situations but still you have to be smarter than the situation teach your children how to love how to teach how to think look at all the kids in this world today they're bullies that act as if the world owes them everything it's been outdated since day one you don't need to spank your child to make a point you teach a child to make a point
Anxiety and depression are at an all time high and corporal punishment is at an all time low… studies might be making some leaps in their “findings”. Especially if not one of these studies follows the subjects from cradle to grave. They pull from subject submitted data and compile the aggregated data then postulate a correlation into a causation. The beauty of statistical data is it can be manipulated to mean whatever your desired outcome must be to support your position.
Children anymore are raised protected from the ills of the world whilst provided a slant on how to perceive the world then when released into the world as adults learn the world is nothing as they were led to believe. Example, “you can be anything you want in life.” No, you cannot. This begins the depression when they first begin to realize this first of many myths. Then sets in the anxiety….
Strangely, discipline calluses one’s spirit and prepares them for disappointment and consequence. Which life is endlessly filled with…
It's just science, like doing an experiment where you have 20 people that you give 4L of water to and 8 hours of sleep each night, and another group of 20 that gets 1L of water per day and electric shocks if they try to sleep more than 4 hours. Record that the first group perform better on tests and have lower stress levels than the first group. But people just ignore science and act as though they know better.
This is part of why we have so many messed up people in the world, everyone just does what they feel like, abuse their kids and then the kids grow up being angry and/or stupid then they have kids and do whatever angry and/or stupid people will do and abuse their kids as well. But you can't tell them any different because they will have some argument that is convincing to a stupid person so it's good enough for them.
My own experience I had a couple spankings as a kid, probably less than a dozen all told. What was worse for me was physical abuse in the form of beatings from my stepfather who was abused by his parents and emotional abuse from my father who was abused by his dad (and I don't know about his mom). For me, these things have definitely created deep rooted issues with temperament and vulnerability, that I've worked my whole life on. The spankings were nothing comparatively, but my own anecdotal evidence is not scientific or logical evidence; for that I look to the studies done on these subjects by knowledgeable professionals.
The studies don't differentiate between "spanking" and "beating".
Consider that the first child development "expert", Benjamin Spock, did such a great job that his son committed suicide.
My dad used to tell me he spanked me as a child, but by the time I was 3 it wasn't necessary. I've smacked my son twice: once when he reached up to a gas stove that was lit and once when he ran into a road. The result: he's never tried to touch a hot stove again (but he's not afraid of it) and he runs TO ME to hold my hand when we're out near a road - every time. He's nearly 3.
A properly utilised smack is the best way sometimes. I wouldn't smack him for refusing to eat his vegetables or any minor infringement. Only if his life or limb is in potential jeopardy. My brother was killed in a road accident because he turned into traffic on a bike aged 10. The driver couldn't have done anything to prevent it that he hadn't already done. I won't let that happen to my son.
Written history is about ten thousand years. That's at least how long using physical disciplinary measures were used. It's about 30 years since parents were told all physical measures constituted abuse. The resulting generation of snowflake mentality is the result.
Again, please understand there is a massive difference between a properly administered smack and a beating.
I would never ever forgive myself if I used force on my child... this is insane... i sometimes see parents doing it in public and I feel SICK TO MY STOMACH... There are so many other ways to educate a child, I was never spanked and I was a wild KID, but my mom was very patient with me and she taught me things the right way.
Exactly, and spanking your kid just makes them more likely to lash out when they’re older because spanking only teaches fear and not actual discipline !
@Djaay teaching kids from their mistakes, rather than just punishing them. Spanking won’t teach them how to fix their behavior, it’ll probably just encourage your kid to lie to you in the future in fear of getting spanked.
It’s much better to build a trusting loving bond with a child. There are many other ways that don’t involve inflicting pain on a child where you can discipline them effectively.
doopayo I have now two additional children besides my other 10 children. 7 which are girls. Never have I had to ever spank or strongly disapline any of my children. I never taught them what to do , just what not to do. Then again , I do live in a very different culture than Americans.
my siblings and I were never spanked. Instead, we had opportunities and our items taken away. When we were young, (2-7) they just allowed us to have tantrums then it was over. When we got older, our toys, games or even invites to go to friends houses were revoked. My best friend at the time did get spanks and the only thing she learned was how to be more secretive and cunning. I remember when we were 16, we were invited to a birthday party late night. I told my parents, she snuck out. When her parents found out, they called mine asking where if they she was at our house. My mom told them we went to a night party. they whooped her big time the next morning.
It's hard to imagine a situation where a parent spanks a child out of anything other than anger or frustration. And forcing compliance with violence instead of establishing a habit where patience and reason is used to understand both the problem and the solution is sort of the antithesis to civilization. So, in a cave or jungle it makes sense to just hit the people who are weaker than you until they do what you want, but it is outdated if humanity is going to strive for real civility.
Spanking? Lol. Our parents used bamboo sticks, hoover vax, chargers, wire hangers, metal poles, large kitchen spoons - both wooden and metal, shoes, toys and whatever lethal they could find.
They don’t seem to think there was anything wrong with it. They think they’re angels and the best parents ever. I personally would not hit my own kid because I just don’t have the heart to hit a child. They’re so little and innocent. I deal with lots of children and so many are spoilt brats and extremely difficult but it has never crossed my mind to hit them. I have never even raised my voice at a child younger than 12.
I have never seen parents use the belt in recent years. When I was little it was quite a common occurrence and nobody even hid it. We’ve all been whacked in front of others on several occasions.
Yes it is severely, severely damaging. I don’t agree with it at all and it would break my heart to know it is happening to any child.
I don't have kids. Communication is a beautiful thing and spanking no. Kids need routine and discipline. They also need to know they can communicate with you in a safe space (as this helps them to fully express themselves & helps with no harbouring guilt, pent up frustration and shame later in life as an adult), that you will listen to what they have to say no matter what they did before the adult gives them their "punishment". There are many other ways that are not harmful. You can decipher whether the child is telling the truth or it's a cry for attention and decide how you will deal with the kid later.
Its simply BLACK and WHITE , abuse. There is no such thing as an acceptable level of corporal punishment. Where do you start and stop? " This is going to hurt me , more than it will you " , just utter utter nonsense. What it is a sign of is extremely poor parenting , simply unable to communicate , there are no excuses now , NONE ! The ludicrous line " It didn't do me any harm " is nonsense , you were abused , dont ever forget that and always be prepared to challenge the individual involved. In Summary , outdated , unacceptable , irrelevant , and wherever possible " call out " these actions , nobody owns a child. Horrendous actions , that achieve absolutely nothing.
Honestly, the purpose of corporal punishment is to instill a sense of authority and connect consequence with undesirable actions. All kids are different and some require different forms of discipline. I've spanked my kids, not out of anger, but to help them realize their actions are wrong. Many younger children dont process consequences via words or reasons. I've found my children do better as a result of it. And it has not hurt my relationship with them. As much as I hates my dad whipping my ass with a belt, I do respect him and inwardly thank him for it. I feel lacking discipline is largely responsible for the entitled and lazy attitudes of children today
As always there is a very fine line between a spank and a talk.
There is a few things one can try to curb bad behavior, like take away TV time or a toy. But sometimes it fails to work, and in fact they can even start moaning at you.
I have hardly handed out smacks, but when I have they actually quite 'soft' and it's more of the embarrassment of getting 'a smack' that makes them cry.
I think it's also important to explain why the smack happened or the moan, the correct behavior. Most often it involves their safety (no 1), hurting of a animal or person and damage to property.
You ALWAYS FIRST, seek to explain the social reasons for most behaviors... when the child has repeatedly elected to be strong-willed you then move on to animal Skinnerian Conditioning. Reward/Punishment is how One communicates on an ANIMAL level with they who persist in willfulness. "Yes, You CAN act out, but NOT without adverse consequences"
Modern penal incarceration is based upon this; YOU CHOSE that behavior BUT... Society has the capacity to FORCE you to burn up YEARS of your lifetime as CONSEQUENCE of your anti-social behaviors. In extreme cases, euthanasia is warranted as humanely as possible.
You DON'T warehouse 'rabid' animals, regardless of species!
In context of traditional use (i. e. you will correct your behavior because I caused you pain") yes, but in conjunction with explanations, and understanding, as to why the action is wrong, and maybe focus to conceptualize (empathize) how behavior affects others, basically to build understanding, so the child understands and learns from the adult, physical pain, as reinforcement, in my experience, can be a valuable "booster" to reinforce a situation in a child's mind (i. e. I connect this "wrong" behavior with pain psychologically, so I fear doing it again, but also understand intellectually (logically) why it's wrong, so even if nobody's around, I won't do it, because my own morals and values won't allow it)
If your boss hit you when you did something wrong and explained why what you did was wrong, you'd be fucking pissed. We don't use abuse to solve real world issues, we use words, so why would you hit your children? It only teaches them that being abused and being abusive is normal. You really want your kid growing up lashing out and hitting people when they're upset because you never taught them how to handle their emotions?
I was giving my opinion on an issue, not trying to have a debate, as, these days, I find this impossible, as every single point that disagrees with someone is "corrected" via their absolute, infallible perspective - no effort is made to discuss, only correct, as there is only one "correct" view... yours.
Again, my response is to a question, offering my perspective, not an invitation to be "corrected" (i don't use the word "debate" because there seems no interest to inquire, or attempt to understand another's point of view in your response, only, at best, a rhetorical question that infers I'm wrong, as you gave the "correct" answer before the question is asked.
@tuvwxyz your opinion answer is abuse child. man that think this also think is okay abuse woman if she need to learn lesson. Give wife and child pain to remember. I connect this "wrong" behavior with pain psychologically, so I fear doing it again, I make food at right time and not get hit. Child tidy room and not get hit.
@Clairvear69 these people don't understand because they aren't intelligent. They don't realise a vulnerable child is exploited by those around them who want to jump over them, get enjoyment seeing that child come to school constantly sad upset unable to learn from mistakes because they are constantly subjected to child abuse.
I used to be spanked and i think it only works on liiiiittle kids. Once I hit maybe 10 I was strong enough to not flinch when struck. Aggressiveness I think is only a good deterrent on young children because they lack the mental capacity to really understand why what they did is wrong. If a kid writes on the walls in crayon abs you calmly tell them they’ll ruin the paint or whatever a 5 year old won’t care. But if that 5 year old is playing with a lighter and they burn themself that pain will be a memory to not play with lighters. That same concept is with whoopings. In my opinion of course.
And once you've tried arguing, negotiating, raising your voice, and implored, and your kids still doesn't listen because he knows well that there won't be any consequences for it, what will you do? Concede defeat and let him do what he wants? That's the same kind of retarded studies who says that any punishment to children, or bad marks at school, shouldn't exist. And now you have kids who have no sense of respect or authority, spoiled brats who consider themselves above anyone and who can't accept people who contradict them. The cliché of the twitter generation, who are ready to destroy the lives of people disagreeing with them.
When my parents spanked me before the age of 8, I was a very happy child, compassionate, loving, slim, intelligent, ambitious, strong, honest, loyal, funny and adored by everybody I ever saw. When I got older and my parents replaced their spanking with yelling, I developed personality issues and mental issues and it took over 20 years for me to recover. Spanking if it is done in moderation and with mercy, is a very effective way to teach morals to your children and can function as a good substitute for other child management methods which may be more traumatizing or damaging to their mental health.
I think fear is too-often the go-to when controlling children. While it can impose order and maybe respect, the less common alternatives of desensitizing your children to authority, pain, fear, and violence, can set them onto other paths.
My mother thinks she did a good job all the way up to the day I left. She certainly didn't know the lasting psychological trauma would leave me consciously paranoid and self-loathing for the rest of my life.
Depends on the age, the severity of what the kid did, how you spank them, and if they understand why they’re being spanked.
When I was a kid I learned very early what resulted in a spanking and didn’t do those things (back-talking, running into the street, temper tantrums, etc.). Once I got old enough to be grounded that was more effective. But I was never spanked excessively or out of anger and I feel like it worked well enough.
I honestly think too few kids are spanked when they’re younger which is why our society is so rude and messed up.
No I don't. I don't think your should just beat your kids but all the time either but I know for a fact that my uncle had no issues spanking me and my cousins butt when we were bad. He let us know we were wrong and why. He gave us our smacks and asked us not to do what we did again. I have many cousins in my family that received the same treatment and we all have tons of respect for my uncle. Not fear but respect. I have also witnessed kids who get yelled at all the time but never spanked and they get worse and worse because they know that all that will happen is getting yelled at and they could care less. Kids have to know you are serious however you decide to discipline them. Spanking them should be a last resort and if you have a child that disrespects you it's time to use it
