I have supportive friends but deep down in life I just feel personally inadequate.
I feel as though I’m not capable of anything more besides struggle. I feel powerless in my own life.
I just feel as though I’m not good enough and all I can ever hope to do is meet the mark.
But I just don’t have the answers either.
I can’t understand why God keeps putting these visions in my head that bring me to tears every time I have them. Of this future beautiful wife and family of children I have that depend on my action in the present.
It’s like every time I feel like quitting school I think of them.
And that’s been my main driving force this entire time.
If I give up on myself I’ll be letting other people down, and I’ll be surrendering everything God’s promised me.
I will have rejected an offer from God towards joy if I do not continue to accept my current struggle and the mental torment that comes with it.
But I just feel so disconnected from him in the present.
I feel as though I have to do this all on my own since that’s what my work requires. But I’m just really struggling right now to live up to the standard God set out for me.
I’m willing to sacrifice my own comfort because I know what God’s calling is, its just I don’t understand how I can connect with him in the present.
The work I get in school tends to consume all my thoughts and energy, and its just been really hard to set aside the time for God, and embrace him and invite him into my life.
And while God can provide spiritual comfort I almost just feel this temptation of pushing him to the side because, that still takes time away from the responsibilities I have in life that need to be completed.
I almost just can’t sit still and take the time to pray when I have other stresses on my mind.
Prayer requires discipline, and the only way I can grant myself relief from stress is if I do things that don’t require discipline such as watching youtube videos or playing mobile games.
