How do you talk about spirituality with someone whose religion greatly differs from yours?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My father is a very christian man, I am very much not. I left the church as a teenager and never really looked back, my spirituality is now leaning towards other traditions such as buddhism, witchcraft, and other pagan spiritualities. It’s getting harder to talk about these things with him because of how deeply he believes that his god is the one and only god and if I don’t follow that god then I’m damned. It’s never a fight about it but it would help to get some outside perspective on how best to approach this.

[Hardon-Collider]

Get him to agree that "actions speak louder than words". Hopefully it will shift focus to what actually matters.

If you want to "win" an argument, to "own" him at his own logic, then here's an analogy i just came up with: If a man changes his label to "girl" and wears lipstick and shit... he's still a man. That much your father probably agrees.

Similarly, spiritual matters. Whichever label. Sincere sacrifical love remains sincere sacrificial love, no matter the "religion"(gender)-identity. ㅤ

If he relapses into the "false god" shit: do the false gods nurture sincere sacrificial love? Where in the bible is an example of that?

[DecentMan]

There isn't one brand of spiritual rightness, because the metaphysical nature of things isn't owned by one group of people and their books. Its as simple as that, just dont talk to him about it, and avoid the subject, or tell him what he wants to hear. Its not worth the wasted time.

My parents never understood any of my spiritiual interests, and will never, doesn't matter honestly. Just go read and jam and have fun and let him preach as he wishes and love him for the good in him.

Fact is when we die, and we all will, it will quickly become clear whats going on, and you won't have to explain to him at that time and he won't have to explain to you. :)

[DecentMan]

The real trip here is just watch how people express opinions and accept their thoughts, discuss and even reply, but dont take a position on it. This is really important, once you take a firm position and identify with that opinion eg you make it part of you - then you create conflict.
Most heavily religous people identify heavily with their viewpoint and religion, making them suseptable to critism, or diagreement with their angle. Fact is is its all just viewpoints. A single person can actually take many viewpoints in same life time, Christian to Yogi, sceintologist to Aethiest - it doesn't matter, its a change of viewpoint thats all. Like a camera taking a different picture of the same things.

[cherrytreeblossom]

i wouldn't bother with religious nuts, you've got a life to live and they've got an afterlife to pray and sacrifice for. these people are straight from the looney bin, best not asociate with them, there's nothing for you to gain from them. even in love, ask them if you are more important to them or their religion. you'll either have the answer you've feared most, or they aren't that religious after all.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Girl, just because I’m not christian doesn’t mean I’m not religious. That’s incredibly insulting

[cherrytreeblossom]

oh wait, you were serious about witchcraft? thought that was you impersonating your dad going off on you in hyperbole, how you're a witch for leaving the church and all that. i'm sorry for hurting you, but my point still stands:
"ask them if you are more important to them or their religion. you'll either have the answer you've feared most, or they aren't that religious after all."
it appears as if your dad values your feelings less than his own religion.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My dad is not going to disown me over a difference in religion and I won’t disown him.

[cherrytreeblossom]

"how deeply he believes that his god is the one and only god and if I don’t follow that god then I’m damned." maybe the word 'damned' means sth else where you come from, but where i come from this is about as harsh as you can get prior to a physical fight breaking out. heck, usually it would anyway after such words were uttered.

i mean, this is really tough and unfair, no matter your own view of things. even just threatening damnation so you dont stray from his religion sounds abusive to me.

like, i'm sorry, but i cannot respect anyone who behaves like that with their own family and i continue to stand by my comments above

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re 13, you don’t understand nuance yet.

[cherrytreeblossom]

and you're 32 and you fail to explain your situation any better or to at least describe a slightly more nuanced situation.
to me the situation is quite clear: your dad has threatened you with something outright crazy, something my dad never wouldve said about any of us, even if we became satanists or muslims. i haven't even heard him utter such words at home when talking about his job with only us around or from within the car with closed windows about a driver that cut him off or did sth else dangerous. maybe we could count and compare what he said about the chinese communist party's various leaders, especially xi jinping, but threatening damnation is still CRASS. i've heard lots of people wish death upon various politicians, but damnation truly is something reserved for only the worst of the worst like pol pot, hitler, stalin and mao zedong.
such words are not to be thrown at members of your family unless a murder within it has happened, there's your nuance

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Girl, I never said he was threatening me. You’re seeing something that’s not here

[cherrytreeblossom]

he may not have raised his voice, pulled an angry face or waved his fist at you, but saying "if [you] don’t follow [my] god then [you're] damned" is very much a threat and you'll immediately understand if you imagined this being told by muslims to you as a woman in a muslim family.

he is threatening you in order to make you comply with his ancient, backwards beliefs. imagine asking your teacher if you needed to learn sth in specific and the teacher just told you: "if you dont learn this you will fail the exam and automatically the class, with it the semester and will then be kicked from the school", which is essentially what damnation means in christianity translated to education/careers. (nevermind how realistic it is for either of these two things ACTUALLY to happen.) both are outright threats made to you by someone reasonably influencial about important topics whom you're usually supposed to listen to. it doesn't matter if the teacher kept his calm and said it with a smile.

[MontBlanc]

With curiosity, not conversion.

Ask to understand , not to debate. Listen to their experiences instead of comparing doctrines.

Focus on shared values: meaning, purpose, compassion, growth. Most spiritual paths overlap there.

Respect doesn’t require agreement.
It requires maturity.

[AngryCarl3]

It's hard to have a civil discussion with someone when you don't share any common ground. I'm not religious but I'm happy to chat about spirituality.

[fivebyfour]

imho probably best to not mention either your beliefs or his, just avoid the subject altogether, I know a few JW people and they are adamant in their beliefs,,,

[OneNisa]

I and the Turkish people are Muslim, but like you, I am gradually abandoning it.

[slatyb]

Why do you want to talk about that?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Because it’s one of the few subjects he’s happy to talk about. None of my interests are enough to keep him discussing things

[Agape93]

Bluntly.

[fish5505_87]

Respectfully!