Search Results: how to act cool

Saw this in a [pretty stupid] conversation between two male friends. They're in their 30s but act like they're in their 20s. One was about to text the girl he has been seeing, ask her out again. His friend stopped him to give him advice on what to say, not say. It inspired this question.

The scenario is between a guy and a girl (but you can do same sex couple if you want. But this is about gender roles and preferences.) They are not strangers. They know each other, but not that well. They have just started casually dating. They both like each other.

But... the guy is reluctant [will not] commit. He's anticipating her wanting this. He's trying to play it cool. But he wants to keep dating her, having sex with her, have her in his life. "She's cool, and she's chill, and she's level-headed. But I don't want to fast-track anything." So his friend says to him, "Just tell her, 'Look, maybe I'll get there one day, but I don't want to hold you back from living your life.'" Typical commitmentphobe player b. s. But anyway, thought I'd make a question out of it.

What I'm getting at here is if there's a majority preference toward: politeness, or assertiveness, or something else. And do guys and girls have a different, or the same, idea about this. And, girls, does the assertiveness turn you on/do you like it, or does it turn you off?

It'd be for some snacks/appetizers as well, not just drinks, but for simplicity sake I didn't write that in each multiple choice because it would be too many words. This isn't a formal or fancy dinner date, but there will be food, so don't focus on that. And for those who don't drink alcohol, you can sub in any other beverage. It's not important. But it is a date, and there is sexual tension between them.

This guy has never had an affair in 18 years and is best friends with his wife. He doesn't even admire other women around his wife. So why would he suddenly want to sleep with one particular person? he's admitted he's missed her, he acts almost possesive around the other girl if she talks to anyone else, but on the other hand he picks on this chick all the time and refuses to talk to her about anything having to do with his personal life. He tries REALLY hard to play it cool. So, why start things with this chick at all?

Things were going well with this guy, until a particular day. It was a formal work event (we work at a school), and we'd agreed to attend it together and especially be with this one student whose parents usually don't show up to events. We'd talked about taking the family photo together and being there for the kid. But, when the day came, a hundred emotions and thoughts flooded over me, including this being my last day with the kids, and I didn't go to him. He'd also texted me asking where I was, and I didn't notice till later. After all the speeches, I was crying and went to the ladies room to clean up before seeing him. But when I got back, he was gone. I found him at his work desk, working. We exchanged very few words. Eventually, he went home. The other day, I dug deep into why I'd acted that way, and I figured out it links back to my childhood- my dad left. On grad day, I had this image in my head of my crush, the kid and I taking pictures together. But the kid's trashy dad showed up unexpectedly. I think this was one reason I avoided my crush- our plans to take the family photo together was destroyed. A few days ago, before I started reflecting on all this, I tried to ask him out but he said he just started seeing someone. At first I confessed my feelings via text and then tried to say goodbye, but he asked to stay friends. I said no. Later I changed my mind and apologized for being dramatic, because he's work partners with one of my mentors since high school, and I don't want my issues to affect their partnership. He said we were cool. Two nights ago, I watched a movie he would also like, so I texted him about it as an attempt to smooth things out as friends, since we used to talk about movies. He isn't replying. I don't know if I should give him space or talk to him about graduation day. All I know is we can't move forward in any direction if he's still upset. If we were to never see each other again, this wouldn't be so bad but we probably will.