Search Results: have a girlfriend but like someone else

I'm hurting right now and very upset. My suspicious were confirmed just 2 days ago when my husband left his FB messenger open. It was messages between him and my SIL (sister-in-law). He admitted to her that he always loved his ex girlfriend Olivia from his much younger years. They met as 9 year-olds playmates, then dated for a short time in their Sophomore year of HS, she broke up the next year and met someone else.

The woman is married but still has him on his FB contact list as friends. He admitted to my SIL that he still loves her more than me. He loves me but I'm not really his first option. He would've wanted to have kids with her. He also said it was true what he once told me while drunk when we were just dating. Then this was the hurting part for me, the SIL asked if he would leave me if Olivia were to get divorced now and she reciprocated his feelings and he reply was a ''Yes, unfortunately I would leave (my name) but that'll never happen. I have to accept being in Olivia's forever friendzone''.

Flashback to the time we were just boyfriend and girlfriend:

We were drinking and while making love, he called me by her name. He literally said ''Oh Olivia, I love you... yeah''. Then tried to fix it right away when I got upset immediately. He called it a stupid drunken mistake and how we would never get drunk like that ever again and even reconfirmed me a bunch of times that he got over her already. I stupidly believed him.

Is this fair? We have a 7 year-old son and he's still obsessing over her? He never got over her and just got with me as second best.

Like say you're not the type of guy that wants relationships, whereby you're more comfortable with a friends with benefits arrangement. Would it still hurt your feelings if you asked a girl if she wanted to be friends with benefits with you, and she said no?

My initial assumption is that you wouldn't care too much, given the lack of investment you'd have to give in order to achieve friends with benefits vs. actual girlfriend.

Would it make a difference depending on her reasoning (ex. she doesn't think the two of you are compatible, whereby she implicitly would do it with someone else; she only does serious relationships AND OR she would prefer to have a serious relationship with you)?

I never had a boyfriend for 26 years.
I've only dated one guy that wasted my time we never did serious things like meet family , plan future.

I met a guy that lives 15 hours away from me in another state. He plans see me during Christmas and meet my family.

in my entire life I can never get a boyfriend here in my state lol nor someone that can agree to meet my family.

Does anyone else have a partner from another country or just me?

2 years ago I gave an acquaintance my phone number, which is something I already hate doing. For most calls he would either end the phone call after a few minutes to "see why 'she' is calling" or talk with people off the phone.

Important Side Note: He told me about a planned group outing with our mutuals and "someone else." I found out through social media that "someone else" was a girl I've seen around but never really spoke to. I suspect that "she" is the person he would cut our phone calls short to talk to. I thought it was really weird of him to hide that she was on the trip, especially since I recognized her; I literally don't care who he dates because I was only platonically interested in him at best. This incident, however, made me feel like being his friend was not a good idea.

One day, I told him that he should delete my number if he calls me again and exhibits poor phone etiquette. Like clockwork, the next time he called, he cut the call short because he couldn't understand why "she" was calling him. I told him to never call me again and promptly stopped answering calls and texts.

As time went on, he and "she" developed a relationship that he posted about. "She" recently had his baby. I was hanging out with some mutuals and he came around. I acknowledged him but cut my time short because I didn't want to spoil the mood. Since then he has been watching my social media stories, DMing me, and calling me. I have not responded.

A part of me feels bad for my lack of communication with him, but I also don't understand WHY he's trying to talk to me. A part of me wants to ask him why he's trying so hard to engage me when he should be tending to his girlfriend and his baby, and a part of me wonders if he's just trying to work on being friends. I personally do not trust this man and would rather he would accept that I told him to leave me alone 2 years ago than pursue a friendship.

WDYT?