Men don’t want to have sex with me because they don’t want me to get attached…. It feels insulting?

[Anonymous]

I understand it’s better than being used but in the flip side it’s saying “I only see you as good enough to sleep with but not make you my girlfriend” “I don’t love you enough to make you feel safe”….”I’d rather find someone else better”…

why can’t I experience love or for a guy to genuinely care and love me.. what’s so about me?

Updates

+1 y

I’ve never had sex… but I never tell men I’m a virgin

[Anonymous]

But do you want love and for a guy to genuinely care for you or do you want just sex? Because your post is confusing. You start out by being upset about men not wanting have sex with you because they don’t want you to get attached but then you follow up with being upset that they won’t make you their girlfriend and you don’t get to experience love and care. If those guys are only interested in sex then they won’t make you their girlfriend or love you and they apparently tell you that and stay away from you (which is good). If you want a boyfriend then focus on dating, not sex. Sleeping with a guy right away or fast won’t mean he’ll automatically fall in love with you and want to make you his girlfriend. You need to date for the purpose of actually getting to know someone to see if you’re compatible and will catch feelings for each other, before any sex comes into the picture and if the men you’re meeting won’t do that with you it means that either they don’t want a relationship or they don’t feel that sort of interest for you, but if so that’s ok because other men will so you move on to the next one.

[Asker]

No I’m upset that guys only want to consider sleeping with me with no commitment … I don’t want to sleep with anyone who will leave me after. I can’t handle it

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang luv, I’m sorry I know that really sucks. I know how much it hurts to feel like someone only sees you as temporary. You deserve way better than that. There's nothing wrong with you at all, sometimes people just aren't ready for commitment or don't know how to treat someone right. Don't let it get you down - the right person will come along who thinks you're amazing just as you are. Try not to overthink what those guys were thinking - their loss! Focus on yourself and doing things you enjoy, and you'll meet someone someday who wants to be with you for you. Keep your head up!

[Fireguy17]

You need to look elsewhere, and not saying you jump in bed with them too quickly, but get to know them well first, go on at least 4 to 6 dates first, and that will help weed them out, and if all they do is pressure you for sex then you can show them to the door.
You will find the right one, it takes a while but it will happen.
It is kind of like a job.

[Asker]

I’m a virgin … so I’m scared to be taken advantage of.

[Fireguy17]

very understandable.
Nothing wrong with that, make sure your first time is special.
A word to the wise there are a lot of males that like doing a virgin.
I'm not sure why, but it seems to be pretty important to some.
Wait until you are married then.

[Staximus]

Don't have sex until they get attached to you

[Asker]

That’s the thing … they aren’t patient

[Asker]

Or they pretend

[Wood3nWhal3]

What if you only get attached after sex?

[Wood3nWhal3]

Asking for a friend

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well I can assure you if you like spreading your legs makes you look bad so maybe the fact that you were willing too kinda made them realize that you ain't it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Okay now I need more info, how do you know they wouldn't have sex with you if you didn't initiate Then?

[Asker]

Sometimes I like to test and see what guys really want… I don't know.. I don’t initiate tho

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well that can send different signals anon, you gotta know exactly what you are doing, you shouldn't take this form of rejection personally, mostly if you are testing them.

[MrCommodore]

Sounds strange, guys don't usually admit such stuff, they just have sex regardless

[Asker]

A couple said I come off as unstable ….

[MrCommodore]

Do you think you are unstable?

[Asker]

I think what happens is … I usually tell guys that I only want to be a placeholder … no sex… just talk etc until he finds better. Sometimes I pretend I’m sexually confident and act as if I’m something I’m not.. then I start to like him… then I start to regret how I pretended to be this person I’m not… then it’s too late

I mess things up … but a lot of times I have really low self esteem and just desperately want attention and validation. Sometimes I feel undeserving

It’s a battle

[MrCommodore]

Ok, so your not unstable, your just experiencing problems that many others have too. You need to stop the "placeholder until better comes along" chat though. You need to be the prize, you need to value yourself more. It will take time, but you can do it.

[Asker]

Sometimes I think I am idk…. Sometimes I go off…

[MrCommodore]

I don't know, most people have off days, but you know best I suppose.

[Asker]

I had a promising conversation with a guy recently, but I messed things up by overthinking and not staying logical. He was level-headed, which drew me in, but he didn't want me as a placeholder. He said he would end up liking me for nothing…I kept trying to brush him off but I liked him and maybe wanted to give it a chance. He eventually became a tad bit frustrated with my behavior. I did a lot of shit testing. Eventually, we went on a coffee date after two weeks of talking, which was a rollercoaster. He insisted that if we didn't meet, we'd stop talking.

I was hesitant to meet him because I was unsure of his impression of me; I was mostly engaging for my ego's entertainment. When we met, I enjoyed his company and admired his qualities. I loved being in his presence, his masculine energy.. his big hands, his cologne, voice… he was a gentleman..

He suddenly stopped communicating, and it's been two painful weeks since.

He messaged me back once and then he ghosted me.

[Wood3nWhal3]

Well I wouldn't want to break your heart or anything... ya know? anywho, sex is great and everything, but have you ever taken a long nap?

[Asker]

…. Yes I’ve taken a long nap

[Wood3nWhal3]

Then you're ready for some good sex

[Asker]

No I may have bpd… I can’t handle the emotion of what it may come with.

[Wood3nWhal3]

it's pretty much just body convulsions and intense happiness

[bededazzle]

do you yourself get attached easily?

[Asker]

I’ve never had sex… but I don’t tell men I’m a virgin

[bededazzle]

well, it’s possible these men only want sex and may pick up on your innocence. I don't know though for sure. i think your best bet is to decide exactly what you want, and to determine if your dates fit the bill. it sounds like you wasn’t caring love, but you are stuck in an attraction to men who want mostly sex. if you strengthen your boundaries, then you may start noticing men that are better for you

[Asker]

I had set a boundary with this guy already… so I don’t understand

[Nikki1989]

You must know some very weak men.

[Asker]

I don’t think they’re weak tho.. even tho ghosting someone is painful

[Gent207-2]

Time for new company and new scenery.

[Anonymous]

You need to lose weight

[Asker]

How do you know?

[AmeerX]

You must be ugly or without good personality?

[Asker]

Maybe both I don't know.. I feel like I look like my pics

[Asker]

I don’t feel I’m THAT ugly

[AmeerX]

🙄 what do you mean you look like your pics. Everyone does that.

[Asker]

Does what?

[AmeerX]

Everyone looks like their pictures I mean. If you are a Virgin, it is nothing to be ashamed of. It's good that you have self control

[Asker]

He doesn’t know I’m a virgin.. he thinks I’m not. I did post a couple “sexy” pics

[AmeerX]

🙄 what does it have to do with anything. Can't you people act normal for once. Is relationship just body and sex to you?

[Asker]

But he did ask when was the last time I was intimate and that he was scared to sleep with me bc he felt I would be “crazier” … whatever that means

[AmeerX]

🙄 hey you don't want a guy to sleep with you. That's the easiest thing you can do to sabotage your relationship

[Asker]

I don’t want a guy to pretend to care to get into my pants… if he really liked me he wouldn’t be worried about me being “crazy” after sex … bc if you wanted to love me you would make me feel safe.

I let him know that my emotional well being is important to me

[AmeerX]

I don't understand what's missing in your situation 🙄. Either he is just not interested in you which it feels like or you are just ugly. Sorry I don't mean insult but it does feel like this guy is playing mind games with you.

[Asker]

Maybe I am ugly… maybe he did feel that way.. I feel that way.

[AmeerX]

Well, I am lost. Something is missing

[Asker]

No I’m agreeing with you… it had to be that I wasn’t attractive to him. He absolutely disposed of me like I didn’t matter… he knows I’m sensitive. He didn’t care

When men find you unattractive they treat you like shit.

[AmeerX]

Yeah it can happen. Surely you can't be that bad I think. Are you black?

[Asker]

Yes… but we both are.

[AmeerX]

Just dump him for someone better. He will be sorry

[Asker]

I hope so

I’m joining the gym today and I scheduled an appt. To get work done to my face.

He lives 5 miles away from me. I’m sure I’ll run into him one day

[AmeerX]

No, don't get work done. You will look ugly. Stay natural

[Asker]

I’m prob already ugly

[AmeerX]

You could get that checked in the how do I look section

[Asker]

Yeah they said I was a 3/4

[AmeerX]

Really?

[Asker]

Yeah…

[AmeerX]

I don't believe it. No one is that low here

[Asker]

Yeah they said it…. I deleted the pic tho. Some said I have great potential if I work out and put on a little makeup

[AmeerX]

Cool 👍

[Asker]

Yeah

[AmeerX]

Mind follow me?

[Surely]

Are you a clingy girl?

[Asker]

I think I can be if a guy made me feel safe… I can be emotionally clingy

[Danny_dan92]

Girls tend to get attached if they enjoyed the sex

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆