Search Results: being honest

I always think of myself as very straightforward and someone who appreciates the opportunity to be direct (direct in terms of honesty if not brevity) to make sure that things don’t get unnecessarily confusing. I suppose we can I say I believe very strongly in being direct. I absolutely have no interest in being evasive…

However, in practice, often times when met with specific situations, I’m surprised at how NON-ecstatic I am to discuss things. (Not thinking of anything in particular at the moment, I’m just reflecting overall)

I think I’m finding a discrepancy between my opinion of how direct I am and how actually direct I am in ALL situations. Of course it’s Fairly easy to be direct about something that you want to be directed, but of course.

And of course we’re all going to have behavioral practices that differ from our ideas of how we behave but I think usually there there’s a pretty strong overlap. Well I guess unless you’re totally delusional, but let’s take for granted most of us aren’t totally delusional..

I think im _not_ direct a lot more often than I think i am. At least I WANT to be. That’s important 😅

Anyhow, I don’t know what stops me… True, it’s uncomfortable but I think 78% of my life has been uncomfortable so I don’t see that as being the main culprit. I don’t know firsthand that information is way worse in the long run.

Maybe I’m fairly certain they’re not going to understand if I try to explain and so I’m just saving us both time by saying nothing 🤔 that’s possible.

I spent 2 years with a guy who initially said he didn’t want a relationship, but we eventually fell in love. He treated me like his girlfriend—introducing me to friends and family, celebrating birthdays with surprises, traveling together, being deeply intimate, and talking every day. He listened to my problems and helped me through tough times. I truly believed we had something real, and from the outside, it seemed like the perfect relationship.

But over time, he started pulling away, prioritizing friends and family over me. He bluntly told me, “I won’t marry you,” and then left for Iraq, saying he’d been honest from the start about going back to his country. When I asked about trying long-distance, he called me a burden, criticized me for my family issues, and even said he had to tell me what to do about a cockroach in my condo. He claimed I should have understood when he said he wouldn’t marry me. I begged him to reconsider, but he quickly moved on, even saying we could still be “friends on Facebook.”

He’s already back on dating apps, seemingly unaffected by our breakup. Now I’m wondering—was I being used? Was I wrong to think we had something real? What kind of person moves on so easily?

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found